I wish I could text you and talk about the weather.
I've been wondering if I mattered to you at all? Or if I completely imagined that you cared about me?
I really felt like you did, but now I have doubts. Maybe you were just using me to fill a void? Did you just get bored with me?
I don't want to sit here and play the blame game or act like a victim. I would just appreciate some closure. I know you dislike hard conversations, but most people do.
Obviously I can't make you talk to me. I am just genuinely surprised that you disappeared so completely. You said you were my friend and I believed you.
Maybe there are things you are going through that I am unaware of? I honestly don't know. What I do know is this lack of clarity hurts.
I highly doubt that you hurt me on purpose. I just can't imagine you doing that. But I could be wrong. I've been wrong about a lot of things so far.
I'm trying to understand, but this is something that I wouldn't do. I don't shy away from difficult conversations, even when I know they will hurt.
Maybe you didn't think that it would hurt me this bad? Maybe you thought that I would just go on with my life and forget about you? Maybe you didn't give me any thought at all?
You're on my mind, though. What was an unimportant thing to you meant a great deal to me. I just wish that you had gone about all of this in a different way.
Honestly, it feels like you died. I'm experiencing wave after wave of grief over you. I don't know if you can understand that or not.
I can't just turn my feelings off. I really wish I could, because this is painful. No one wants to hurt like this. This is the kind of pain that scares people away from love entirely.
I just feel like I don't know anything anymore.
But sometimes I really get on my own nerves. I'm so moody. Like, what are we sad about today? What's the source of this funky-ass attitude? Hmm?
I have absolutely no chill. There is no real reason for me to be sad or pissed off right now. Today is a new day, but apparently my brain didn't get the memo, because I'm still stuck on shit that shouldn't even matter anymore.
At the same time, I'm trying to be kind to myself, but like 🙄🤷🏼♀️
I am absolutely on my own nerves today.
But today is the day. I cannot put this off any longer.
I was dreading today because I didn’t want to be around all of my family. We’re pretty dysfunctional.
But today I noticed that we’re all just a bunch of hurt people. That’s why there’s always yelling and crying at family functions. That’s why it never feels like a party when we’re together.
I need to reframe the way I look at my family. They all need love. None of us really know what the hell we’re doing.
I took a nap and I don't feel grumpy anymore, but I feel like I need more sleep! I slept horrible all week, so I guess it's finally caught up to me.
I'm going to run my kid to the store, and then I'm going to take a shower when we get back home so I can go back to bed.
So, so sleepy.
If i don't feel like doing it—no.
If it's going to inconvenience me in any way—no.
I've gone from being a yes woman to a no woman.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm talking to myself the way I would talk to someone I love.
I'm protecting myself the way I would protect someone I love.
I'm treating myself the way I would treat someone I love.
Someone I used to know would always say, “Open hearts over armor.”
But I think her mantra was incomplete.
Our hearts need a little armor, at least.
We have to guard them because they are precious.
Mine is very soft, and I want to protect what’s left of it.
I kinda wanna throw hands in an IGA parking lot like we used to. Woman to woman.
I went shopping and bought some new clothes and a new pair of shoes! Then I treated myself to Qdoba because it's my favorite. I know that's pretty mundane, but I had fun. 😊