u/ImpossibleLog5193

My partner is a part of a very strict religion, we’ve been dating for just under a year and we’ve had ups and downs. She says that the thing that first drew her to me was the fact that even though I am an atheist, I respect her for her past as a former drug addict and homeless person which is something nobody in her religion does, and I respect her for her faith which is something not mat people outside her church do.

I am 23 and she is 27 and although it’s only been a year, I would really like to settle down with her and until 2 weeks ago I believed she felt the same until we had a conversation about what’s been going on inside her head recently.

She told me that her church promotes marrying inside the church and that her main goal in life should be to find a god loving man (that’s putting it loosely, I’d say they enforce it rather than just promote it). The way her church is ran in incredibly sexist too with women not being able to hold certain roles and having their social standing within the church being tied to their husband’s social standing.

Now that all the context is out of the way, I’ll talk about what is bothering me.

She said that she has to come to a decision between me or trying to find someone in the church. Whenever I bring up this subject she says she needs time because she doesn’t want to make the “wrong decision”. I feel like I’m being lead on and I keep getting in my head about it especially after hearing what her mum has to say about the situation. The exact quote she said was “I think she should take anyone she can get given her past”. I don’t know if it is me being selfish but when I hear things like this I can’t help but wonder if I’m just being kept around in case she can’t find anyone in her church, I don’t want to be a potentially “wrong decision” and it’s really damaging my self worth.

On the other hand I feel like I can’t leave her because we have made so many plans for the future and I’ve never met anyone like her before but on the flip side i feel like me staying is making her journey through the church harder. I just don’t know what to do.

My partner is a part of a very strict religion, we’ve been dating for just under a year and we’ve had ups and downs. She says that the thing that first drew her to me was the fact that even though I am an atheist, I respect her for her past as a former drug addict and homeless person which is something nobody in her religion does, and I respect her for her faith which is something not mat people outside her church do.

I am 23 and she is 27 and although it’s only been a year, I would really like to settle down with her and until 2 weeks ago I believed she felt the same until we had a conversation about what’s been going on inside her head recently.

She told me that her church promotes marrying inside the church and that her main goal in life should be to find a god loving man (that’s putting it loosely, I’d say they enforce it rather than just promote it). The way her church is ran in incredibly sexist too with women not being able to hold certain roles and having their social standing within the church being tied to their husband’s social standing.

Now that all the context is out of the way, I’ll talk about what is bothering me.

She said that she has to come to a decision between me or trying to find someone in the church. Whenever I bring up this subject she says she needs time because she doesn’t want to make the “wrong decision”. I feel like I’m being lead on and I keep getting in my head about it especially after hearing what her mum has to say about the situation. The exact quote she said was “I think she should take anyone she can get given her past”. I don’t know if it is me being selfish but when I hear things like this I can’t help but wonder if I’m just being kept around in case she can’t find anyone in her church, I don’t want to be a potentially “wrong decision” and it’s really damaging my self worth.

On the other hand I feel like I can’t leave her because we have made so many plans for the future and I’ve never met anyone like her before but on the flip side i feel like me staying is making her journey through the church harder. I just don’t know what to do.

Decided that I’d rather just stay up at this point because I’ve got a flight to catch in a few hours, if anyone fancies a wee chat then just send me a dm

First of all I want to say I understand how important faith is to some people and that is not really a part that I need advice with.

My partner is very enamoured with her faith and was told at an event in her church that she should aim to marry a god loving man and be sealed with him in their temple which obviously cannot happen with me, an atheist.

She told me that although she loves me, there are some things she will never be allowed to do in the church unless she marries within it and this has been causing a lot of internal conflict in her head.

I have had experiences within her church where I have been looked down upon and made to feel less than everyone else due to my beliefs and it feels like this is just another one of those things.

Basically I don’t know what to do, I keep beating myself up because I feel like she’s got the idea that I’m not worthy due to my lack of faith and I feel really helpless which is messing up my brain. What should I do to help these emotions and is it worth pursuing the relationship if 1. She might leave me anyway for her church or 2. Im holding her ban for accomplishing things due to not being a member of her church?

It just seems like everyone has a good reason for leaving me and I’m usually comfortable on my own but the feeling of helplessness bothers me more than anything. It’s not like I did anything to make people leave, an example is that my girlfriend told me last week that there’s a very real chance we might break up due to religious differences.

I also understand that I have abandonment issues meaning that I really struggle to make friends with people and even when I do I’m just waiting for them to leave and it feels really superficial.

Just so tired of being helpless