u/IcyWestern1209

Hi everyone. I want to provide as much context as possible.

I, 18f, and my bf, 20m, have been dating for 2 years. We are happy but have our small arguments, we are both stubborn and clash occasionally but overall a very loving couple.

We have boundaries as all couples do, in particular, one being “no consumption of porn.” To some this may seem strange or specific, and it’s not some hugely insecure and controlling thing, simply that i am against the porn industry as a whole and think it does more harm than good in relationships. It causes anxiety, insecurity, and also changes the dynamic of the relationship. I had an ex who was addicted - never again. He agreed and said he grew out of it at like 15. He said that it was completely fine by him and that he would appreciate if i didn’t either. He also set lots of boundaries.

Fast forward to today. We share his premium youtube and he has premium on some study apps that he kindly shares with me. I go on youtube and try to search for a documentary on fascism i got halfway through, and can’t find it. So i go on watch history. Here, i’m met with two interesting videos - Bikini and lingerie try on hauls of attractive young women.

Now - i obviously wasn’t over the moon about this. But i wasn’t “angry” either. It made me feel insecure and bad about myself, especially as they looked nothing like me, but it wasn’t an angry feeling. I jokingly brought it up to him, but did want an explanation (or admission.).

What really pissed me off was that immediately, he deleted his history off of EVERYTHING, and reset his password (kicking me off all accounts.) He claimed to have NEVER seen these videos in his life and that he has no idea how they got there. He claimed it must have been autoplay.

I have never in our relationship checked his phone or doubted his loyalty - so this seems disproportionate and extreme. That obviously annoyed me and made me suspicious. When i asked him straight up to just admit to watching it and that i wouldn’t be mad i just wanted to discuss boundaries, he yelled at me calling me “insane” “crazy bitch” and claimed he had no idea and it was simply a glitch.

I had enough. I called him a liar and said i was annoyed about him lying more than anything else and him calling me horrible names was completely unhealthy. I will admit i was in tears.
He said “istf if you don’t drop this we r done.” So…

I said fine. I expect my stuff on my doorstep tomorrow. Was that an overreaction ?

hey, thro away needed. my bf, 20m always lets me use his pro accounts on things like gemini and youtube.

i logged into youtube today and i saw in his watch history (i was looking for a previous video i only halfway finished about my course - was not snooping) two “lingerie try on hauls.”

i was mildly irritated and asked him about it to which he blamed his “friend” then lied repeatedly. this made me terribly angry as i have been cheated on and lied to and my finals are in a few days and i cant deal with this stress.

He called me psychotic , blocked my from accessing anything and reset his entire account history. i can no longer access anything and its all erased entirely. He said he had never watched videos like that in his life and that im insane for suggesting so. I called him a liar.

EDIT: I want to iterate that i was not angry about the videos. We have established a “no p0rn” rule due to trauma i have associated with an abuser and also the fact i am morally against it, as is he (allegedly.) It’s simply a boundary. I brought it up to him JOKINGLY. I said “yoo what’s this dog?!” and was not aggressive nor accusatory, mildly peeved at best. He responded by deleting and resetting his accounts. That to me was what made me angry and annoyed as that’s suspicious behaviour blown out of proportion. I WAS NOT SEARCHING HIS ACCOUNT HISTORY. i was trying to find a documentary i half finished on his account that i had full consent to use.

He said that he couldn’t believe id ever distrust him and that im a horrible person. Was i overreacting for crying and getting so angry, or was it deserved?

Hey guys! I, 18f, and my partner 19m, have been dating for some time. We are very much inlove and would do anything for eachother - except for him, anything but fix his sleep schedule.

For context, i go to bed around 11pm and wake around 8-8:30am. i’d say this is a fairly normal schedule, but he sleeps around 3am and wakes around 1pm. I see this as unhealthy, but more so than anything, sleepovers impede on my ability to be productive throughout the day.

Most of the time when he sleeps over, it’s impossible to sleep at my designated time as conversation and his alertness naturally keep me up. With him , i often stay up till 3 before collapsing into sleep. I then wake up late and my schedule is ruined. We have had this conversation a thousand times where i tell him he needs to be more considerate and allow me to sleep (i struggle with chronic fatigue) to which he claims “i only get to come over late because of work, it’s not my fault!” He does work night shifts part time at a factory job, and his day shifts often span until the evening, 6-8 pm. he comes over straight after.

But more so than all of that - all of our hangouts are ruined even on his day offs - which are most days. I offer an early afternoon coffee, he agrees, and he comes over at 3 after waking up at 2:30. this completely eats my day and makes plans incredibly unreliable. I worry about his health but yesterday i had enough. Exams are in two weeks and so we planned from 10:30-2:30 we would go to a cafe and study together. He enthusiastically agreed, and so i woke up at 8 and studied. he didn’t wake up until close to 12, by which stage i was busy at 3 so it didn’t make sense to meet as it would have been 12:30 he got here.

I snapped. I said that his lifestyle is irresponsible and selfish and it doesn’t matter if he buys me presents or takes me on dates if his insistence of staying in such a bad routine ruins our relationship. He only works 2 nights a week, and one day shift. And the job is recent - last month. Before this he had no excuses and it’s been this way for the 2 years we have dated. I just can’t stand it. I’m constantly fatigued and because of it it affects our intimacy and i’m always too tired, to which i know makes him unsatisfied. He claimed however that i was the one being affected and so i need to make changes too - be willing to wake up later and go to bed later. I was so angry and said that if he thinks 11pm-11:30pm is a “crazy early” bedtime he needs to grow up and stop acting like a child left home alone pulling an all nighter for the first time.

EDIT: forgot to include that he has slept through multiple important events pertaining to me. He sets lots of alarms but sleeps through them and has never tried to take change. he is constantly lethargic and tired.

Am i overreacting?

TLDR : my partner sleeps through all our plans and only comes over at midnight and refuses to sleep until 4 which fatigues me.