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u/Icy-Communication515

▲ 4 r/muslimgirlswithtaste

Im a teen and sometimes i rlly wanna get married. Mostly bcz it feels nice of the idea of having someone who’s ur partner, who you can grow with, someone with who you know is halal for you. And the obviously since I cannot get married yet, i just think ugh. The logical part of my brain tells me that for me personally I should not get married the moment I turn 18. I should wait, be stable, work on myself. But then I add that amount of years to the amount that I already have to wait and I do not think I could do it. I really want to be with someone and not worry about doing something wrong. And having kind of like a best friend.

Alhamdulillah I have never been with a man in a haram relationship nor do I plan to. Am I the only one that feels this way or is it other ppl too? How do you guys deal with it and would it be stupid to get married at around 18-19 ish before finishing my education?

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u/Icy-Communication515 — 10 days ago
▲ 77 r/MuslimMarriage+1 crossposts

Hello everyone. I have recently been doing some learning on the topic of consent in islam for intimacy.

I have noticed a common hadith is cited in sahih al buckhari hadith 3237 and sahih muslim 1436: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until the morning".

Myth 1: a woman’s consent is not required in islam. This if false. A womans consent is absolutely required which is why the husband spends the whole night upset. Because she refuses intimacy. If he was allowed to force himself or force her to have intimacy with him, then he wouldn’t be angry snd he would have just done it. Additionally scholars stress that consent from both parties is required for intimacy. You cannot force yourself onto her nor force her to have intimacy with you.

Myth 2: if the wife refuses she is sinful and the angles will curse her for the whole night. This is also false. This opinion and consensus is made by individuals uneducated on this topic. Scholars emphasize the context of this Hadith is refusal out of spite. For example, the husband does not take out the trash and therefore the wife refuses intimacy. This is the context the Hadith is applied on because she is withholding her husband’s right and using it like a weapon.

A woman has every right to refuse intimacy for the following reasons as cited by scholars: 1. illness of physical pain where she is sick or if intimacy hurts her. In this case the husband is required to respect his wife’s boundaries and look together for a solution. 2. Emotional distress, such as severe exhaustion, depression or psychological harm. 3. Religious obligations and if she is on her cycle.

You cannot force your wife to have intimacy by misusing this Hadith. That is spiritual abuse. Marital r@pe is a very big sin in islam. Intimacy is supposed to be enjoyable for both the husband AND the wife. Intimacy is a right of both. If you force your wife to have intimacy or if you force yourself on to her you are committing a grave sin, sexual abuse, and she has every right to seek divorce. Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond, of love and mercy. People do not realize that by twisting islam they are shaking the faith of the women around them. La darar wa la dirar" (There shall be no harm nor reciprocating of harm)

Notable scholars have talked on this topic and have also conducted deep analysis on this topic with detailed research papers. I will attatch them below

Dr yasir qadhi has talked about this topic on his podcast, stressing that this hadith id often used to justify spiritual abuse. He also explains this in the following video :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NThGEzLDMc&t=5

Dr aziza al hibri is a legal scholar who had published a paper on this issue: https://karamah.org/debunking-the-myth-angels-cursing-hadith/

https://azizahal-hibri.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Angels_Hadith_Oct_23_Final.pdf

Imam al buhuti states that the husband had no right to intimacy if it harms the wife: https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2015/10/28/nikah-huquq-no-harm/

Yaqeen instituite has also published an article on this topic reaffirming the fact that the wife can refuse if she is ill or fears harm: https://yaqeeninstitute.org/read/paper/marriage-and-gender-roles-in-islam-beyond-rights-and-duties

u/Icy-Communication515 — 14 days ago
▲ 39 r/islam

I will see soooo many muslims that when u talk with them about palestine they say “its not out jobs”. What do u mean its not ur jobs. Its fardh on all of us to help our muslim brothers and sisters who are being tortured. I am sure many of u have heard about hind rajab. She was a 5 year old girl that the IDF shot with over 360 tank bullets. If that is not enough to wake u up i do not know what will. We must unite and fight and speak up as an ummah. This is a war against islam. And to those of you who say it is not our jobs, allah will ask u on judgement day about what u did to help them. And if u still think oh the quran never told us too. It did. And for those of u who are speaking out, I applaud you. And u can use the same verses I am attaching below to guide some misguided person on this topic.

"And what is wrong with you that you fight not in the cause of Allah and for the oppressed among men, women, and children who say, 'Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint for us from yourself a protecter and helper?

— Surah An-Nisa 4:75

O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires

cause you to deviate from justice. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then "know that" Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do.

Quran 4:135

The Prophet a said:

"The best jihad is a word of truth spoken to a tyrant ruler."

- (Sunan al-Nasã'i 4209, graded authentic)

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u/Icy-Communication515 — 15 days ago
▲ 10 r/Muslim

Assalam o alikum everyone, i have some conditions that i will put in my nikkah contract are these reasonable? I will have the reasoning behind each condition in brackets ().

**1. I have the right to work after marriage**. (I personally would like to stay home but I want to be financially independent as there is so many women in my family who never left and still cannot leave there abusive marriages becuase they were dependent on there husbands, plus I want to be able to send money to my parents, to help them. I wont be working any 15 hour a day corporate job, just something 9-5 or small so I’m independent)

**2. I have the right to continue education after marriage.** (This is in the scenario that I get married before my education is complete or if I want to pursue more education after marriage).

**3.** **I have the right to a seperate home.** (I am a hijabi and I cannot live in joint family if he has brothers, I would have to wear my hijab all day, and i generally prefer privacy)

**4. In the event my husband takes a second wife I have the right to initiate divorce.** (I just personally cannot share a man)

**5. I retain the right to visit my parents and family members after marriage.** ( I’ve seen it happen where the husband forbids his wife from meeting with her parents).

**6. Husband cannot forbid me from leaving the house without a valid reason.** (I’ve seen men forbid there wives from leaving the home over absolutely no reason besides ego).

**7. Husband should try to help around the house when he can, if he is physically and emotionally able.** (I don’t want all the burden to fall on me but I also recognize he can be tired at times thats why I said only if he is not rlly tired from work)

For context, after marriage I am willing to help him pay some bills like maybe cover all the groceries. I am not the type of woman to ask for 50k for mehr thats ridiculous. I know marriage is built on partnership, It just scares me to end up in a bad relationship which is why I have these conditions. **Let me know what you think.**

Edit: thank you for the responses everyone I see a a common point is that these are not properly worded, do not worry on the contract they will be, this is just the general gist.

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u/Icy-Communication515 — 17 days ago