u/IceCSundae

She just crashes through and wrecks relationships with no regard to anyone’s feelings or the collateral damage. No understanding even of the harm she causes, but mostly, just no care at all.

She recently decided to go no contact with my aunts because they voted for Trump. However, they have always been republicans their entire lives and they also aren’t particularly political. And they respect her enough to not talk about it in front of her. Now that she decided in a text message to randomly go no contact out of the blue, she has deeply hurt their feelings and upset other siblings and fucked up the whole extended family dynamic which ultimately makes things weird for my brother and I, who are liberal like her but still value the relationship with our very kind and loving aunts enough to not let politics get in the way. It’s already fucking up upcoming holiday and birthday gatherings. I had a nice cohesive extended family and now all of a sudden my mom has essentially estranged herself.

I tried to tell her many times how her actions are hurtful to many people and she straight up doesn’t care at all. Like zero. She just digs her heels in and thinks she’s in the right. Says she lost respect for them. Which is really rich coming from her, a lifelong alcoholic with dubious morals who emotionally abused me as a child and has fucked up so many times yet I continue to nurture a relationship with her. I don’t know why I do though, it’s so one sided. She doesn’t care if she hurts me. I can say “your actions hurt me” and she will literally say “oh well”.

Ahh I just had to vent. It’s endlessly frustrating to have a mom that is missing that critical human element of empathy. She just doesn’t care.

I’m on the first week of 25mg and I literally want to eat nothing. I’m not nauseous or anything, I’m just not hungry at all and nothing sounds appealing. I had reduced appetite on lower doses but would still got hungry enough to at least eat dinner. Now I would prefer to eat nothing at all, except that is not healthy at all. I do a lot of Pilates and I don’t want to lose all my muscle mass. How do you eat when you don’t want to???

Today for instance, I didn’t even think about food until 3:30pm, when I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. I still wasn’t hungry. I made an egg/bacon sandwich and could only eat a bite or two before it grossed me out and I put it away. And now it’s past dinner time and I’m full. This is great for losing weight but it’s going to become a very big problem if I can’t get enough protein. Looking for advice.

I had a magical weekend with my husband/Dom, Friday evening through Sunday evening. We stayed home and did nothing but fuck, nap, eat, repeat. It was very psychologically immersive for me… I was deep in subspace. Even in between playing, we still kept the dynamic alive and I had a hood on almost the whole time. It was delicious submission and was a huge stress relief for me. I loved it.

It’s now Monday morning and we both had to go back to work (me at home, him at the office), and I’m just crashing hard. It feels like I have the weight of the world on me, I have to manage a whole team at work, I’m a chair for a conference and we have a meeting tonight and the conference Friday where I have to speak, plus the house is a mess because we were too hedonistic to life a finger for house work the whole weekend. He’s usually great at aftercare, but he can’t help me right now, he’s at work.

I know it’s common to crash, but it still catches me off guard how bad it feels. I’m just so desperate right now, I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day. The psychology of this thing we do is so intense. People outside this dynamic just can’t possibly understand and I feel like I can’t tell my friends, they won’t get it.

I just had to tell someone what I’m going through, even if it’s just Reddit. Would love advice or even just to hear I’m normal for feeling this way.