u/I_am-Rich

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?

TL;DR: GF made secret plans to meet an old FWB 3 months ago. I set a boundary and threatened to leave, so she apologized and blocked him. Today, out of nowhere, she brought it up again just to call me insecure, controlling, and a "red flag" for not letting her go. We leave for a vacation in 2 days.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?

TL;DR: GF made secret plans to meet an old FWB 3 months ago. I set a boundary and threatened to leave, so she apologized and blocked him. Today, out of nowhere, she brought it up again just to call me insecure, controlling, and a "red flag" for not letting her go. We leave for a vacation in 2 days.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?