u/HummingbirdStalker26

My husband (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 5 years now, married 7 months. MIL and I got along great until it was time to plan our wedding. For 2.5 years now, I've endured relentless bullying from her about every decision we make in our lives. This has led us not to share certain things with her and when she eventually finds out, she still continues to try to bully us. My husband has learned to tell her no... but as of recently she has started lying and we aren't sure how to handle this without causing major conflict for everyone involved.

After bullying me for the duration of our two year engagement and trying to make our wedding about her... my final straw from her was her inviting about 10 random guests to our wedding without us knowing and lying about it after. After our wedding, I took a break from visiting often for about 6 months. My husband continued to visit them (they live 2 hours away) and I of course still went around for major holidays. I still texted her occasionally, mainly about his siblings that still live at home and how they were doing. I'm also a tax accountant so from Jan-April, I have been working 50-60 hours a week.

Last week my husband went to visit them alone and accidentally butt dialed me. I caught his mom telling him he had no hobbies because he spends 'too much time up my butt and with my family'. This hurt me deeply as my family has sort of taken my husband in as their own since his family is 2 hours away. I confronted my husband while he was still visiting and this led him to confronting his mom. She immediately began telling him how disrespectful we have been for not visiting as much lately and how she and his sister never hear from me anymore, as I've completely disregarded them after our wedding. My husband reminded her about her behavior during our wedding planning and how I have been busy with work and she ignored him. He knows I have been visiting less, but I still reach out and check on the kids.

How do I go about visiting again after this type of behavior? I feel as if she thinks I've taken him from his family and this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I try not to directly initiate any conflict with her as my husband feels its not my place since it's his mom.

Sidenote** she is also an alcoholic and a low-effort parent, meaning she calls us only when she's drunk, asks us questions and gets ugly over the phone when we disagree with her. In the same phone call, will cry and say she's trying her best as a parent and asks my husband if she's a 'bad mom'. We stopped taking her phone calls past 4pm now because we know she is drinking.

Anyone who has had a spouse they caught on the verge of cheating, can you please share what the signs were?

My husband (25M) and I are currently separated due to a slew of other lies he's kept from me. He never offers information or being transparent, just waits to get caught and 'explains' his side. Currently the biggest issue is his p*rn usage that has crossed my boundaries but from then, it's been more and more of me finding things out.

I don't think he's physically cheated but in the last week I've discovered the following:

-Hiding his watching of p*rn (category was 'cheating' and 'fucking my bestfriend')

-Watching and liking sexy pictures/videos of women on Instagram

-Searching up all his female coworkers, of all ages. But noticed no male coworkers he was searching.

He denies everything, and tries to pass off searching up his coworkers as just being curious.

tl;dr

Husband caught watching p*rn, search being 'cheating' or 'fucking my bestfriend'. Watching and liking videos of women on social media. Searching his female coworkers up on social media. All of this happening within 2 weeks. Emotional cheating signs?

Hi there. Has anyone had experience with their grandparent or parent being diagnosed with dementia and constantly accusing their spouse of cheating, being perverted, and aggressive? Probably not much of my business, but I'm very close with my mother and grandmother. We are a support system for each other through everything and are all trying to cope with the change of personality of my grandpa.

He began to change about 2 years ago, in his demeanor when speaking to people and being short with my grandmother. He is very forgetful and sometimes she does not understand to just let him be if he remembers something 'wrong'. And now, he is straight up saying inappropriate things out loud and to my grandmother when alone. It tears away at my grandmother and she can't fully grasp yet that he is losing control of his mind. He is very hurtful, accusing her of cheating on him (they're in their 80s), unwanted sexual advances on her, and being difficult about food (throwing a tantrum when she doesn't have a meal warm and ready for him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner).

My family does not feel he is ready to be in a memory care facility quite yet. My grandmother is his main caretaker.

Looking for anyone who has experienced similar and what was helpful to remind themselves/ family members during this. Anything helps. I love my grandmother dearly and just want to be there for her and my grandpa.

My husband (25M) and I (25F) have recently gotten married last year in October. We have been together 5 years now, 4 of which we lived together. We have two dogs together and do fairly well in our careers, both degreed and comfortable at our jobs. Here is the catch:

About a year before we got married (had a two year engagement), we started having issues. Things I would notice and ask about, and be met with lies that I did not realize were lies until months later. He lies about money, work, porn addiction, nicotine addiction, hell.. he even lies about washing dishes or doing something at home only for me to come home.. and see for myself he didn't do what he said. His lies make zero sense to me. We fight constantly because of this, because I used to let them go and pick 'wiser battles'.. but now it's affecting EVERYTHING.

Just a few bullet points to keep things concise, in the last few years we have struggled with the following, in order of occurrence:

• Lied about having enough money to cover his own + other expenses, thus wracking up lots of unknown (to me) credit card debt prior to us combining finances.
• One Christmas, he put my Christmas gifts on our Best Buy card (opened this prior to combining finances but put both our names on it as we purchased a washing machine together for our apartment and split the monthly payments). Turns out, I was helping him pay off my Christmas gifts for about 6 months without knowing as I trusted him to take care of this card + payments. I would send him the money for the payment and let him handle the rest. I found out after I asked him how he had the money for what he purchased me for Christmas and he just straight up told me... of course after I helped pay off my gifts.
• Lied about his credit score and credit card balances prior to us getting married and combining finances. Missed payments in the past that have dropped his score so low. Did not know this until we put a loan app in to qualify for a home loan... and got denied. He had 2k more in CC debt that he was telling me. And his score was like 70 points off what he told me as well.
• I took on all bill payments and finances once married, but have since helped him rebuild his credit and pay down his credit cards. But this has lead into another issue... I pay all of our bills, plan all of our groceries, errands for us, family visits, insurance, taxes, appointments, you name it. I have asked many times for him to help with the mental load, tried giving him easier tasks to introduce him and help him learn... but he never does it. Or lies and says he did something but did not.
• Has an overbearing mom who he struggles telling no to. I planned our whole wedding alone and his mom consistently tried taking over every decision or fought with us on everything and I truly learned that he would rather value his own comfort over telling his mom "This is what we have decided to do, this is our decision, not yours". Instead, I have had to become the 'bad guy' by having to tell his mom NO on things we agree and unite on but he cowers when met with any opposition from his mom. I have told many times it is not my place since it is his mom. Now I ignore her.
• Struggles with a nicotine addition, has for years. We've tried anything and everything to help him stop... but the perseverance is just not there for him. He will start again and lie to me in my face. He says he wants to stop and then takes all the praise he can get when he does 'stop'.. only for me to find a hidden can of Zyn in my bookcase on accident or pouches when I do laundry. He gets my hopes up and then lies to me when I discover things.
• Defensive in every conversation, even when I try multiple approaches to any conflict between us or even if there is no conflict. He gets defensive over things that almost have nothing to do with him. He will agree with me on something and then continue to argue points about it... he nitpicks information instead of focusing on the bigger picture sometimes. This drives me nuts, I feel like we never make any progress on things.
• Has recently begun getting aggressive when we argue. He cornered me in our apartment this past weekend over us planning out dinner for the week for our grocery list. I tried to tell him we might need to move some money around for bills/groceries that are coming later in the month (trying to be inclusive of the financial things) and he got mad at me because 'i was telling him what to do with his own money'... in our shared checking account that pays all of our shared bills. That he does not monitor, just spends as he pleases.
• And now, met with catching him in a porn addiction. With the combination of all of these issues, I can't lie that I have lost a little attraction and respect for him. I view him as an extension of something I take care of, rather than his own person who is responsible for his own things. I'm tired of having to sit down with a grown ass man and explain to him every time does he does something wrong. This has killed our intimacy in the bedroom. We have sex maybe once every two months. I have no issue with him masturbating, and have even assisted him a few times to help him relieve himself.. but last night he handed me his phone while he was doing something for me to google a question he had.. and opened his Google app to him searching up "Cheating on spouse" on pornhub and watching porn videos of the same category. He understood it was wrong of him to do it and hide it from me, as we both agreed early on in our relationship we disagree with porn usage. But the category almost concerns me more than the fact he was watching and hiding it from me. He was utterly embarrassed. He cried and blamed me for his watching of porn. When I have told him multiple times exactly what is killing my intimacy for him and he says he will change. His porn addiction, that he says has only been going on for a few months... makes so much more sense. Another reason we struggle in the bedroom is because he has been struggling to get and maintain an erection anytime we try to have sex, and sometimes doesn't finish.

I feel like I'm at my wits end at this point. I'm studying for the CPA and just came down from a stressful tax season, and having to be his therapist for him constantly. He says he will go to counseling and never schedules anything. I'm ready for some space from him, and we have agreed to go separate ways for the weekend. But I have no idea what to do once the weekend is over. I can't leave our apartment as I'm responsible for our two dogs and all of my stuff to study is there. I don't want to give up but I don't know what to do with someone who won't even put any effort in.