u/Heavy_Abroad_8074

flair is the best thing i could think of despite the grim title lol

yesterday was awful, for simple things that neurotypical people wouldn’t relate to. i woke up and began browsing social media when i came across some rage bait stealth advertisement that ADHD was exclusively a trauma disorder - advertising some book and therapy plan. it was also incredibly misleading - assuming correlation as causation multiple times, begging the question as well. unfortunately i fell for the bait and got pissed off afterwards. then, while getting in the car to go to work, later than i wanted, i got a text from a coworker explaining to me an urgent task. nothing difficult or negative, but getting into the car is a difficult, frustrating transition for me, and i saw the notification which set off my demand avoidance and further pissed me off.

the task itself took about 45 minutes but after that i was DRAINED. struggled to keep my eyes open all day. sensory issues were way worse. was about to burst into tears multiple times. my friend wanted to hang out and i eventually decided i didn’t have the capacity. but i made it home, even went into a grocery store on the way home. while cooking i decided to take some photos for seasonal color analysis. the website for it was frustrating and i just burst into tears, cried for like 29 minutes because of how shit everything was.

anyways i told my friend about how bad i felt and she BROUGHT ME A CARE PACKAGE! flowers, sparkling water, a sweet treat, and best of all, a handwritten note (my favorite ❤️❤️❤️). one has ever done anything like that for me. no one in my entire life has seen me in distress and actually, genuinely shown that they care in a way that means something to me. part of it is that i’ve kept my feelings and emotions to myself and hid my vulnerability best as possible because my mom used to bully me for having emotions and others told me i was too sensitive. it was amazing. i cried from happiness, the most i ever have, and felt so seen and accepted. she’s such an amazing person and i feel so blessed to have her in my life.

i guess it made me realize that i deserve better than the others in my life have offered me. i deserve to have people that make me feel safe and seen and not judged, something that nearly everyone else hasn’t been able to do. especially my parents.

after that i was feeling much better and fell asleep peacefully and today’s been greatly improved :)

my takeaway is that that’s the standard i am going to hold people i date to (not that i’m dating her, though when i date someone in the future, i know if they can’t make me feel seen and understood, then they’re not right for me). oh and my friend is the best, she’s amazing. i’m going to give her a long hug next time i see her.

hi! i haven’t had a PCP appointment in like 11 years and would like to finally get a check up and start monitoring my health, but i’m running into a problem with actually finding a PCP. most of the practices i’ve searched through require a phone call to schedule an appointment. i have disabilities that make phone calls extremely stressful and difficult, so that’s preventing me from actually getting an appointment set. i did find one office in Cary that allowed intakes to be set up via email but they didn’t reply to me. i know this is really niche and i probably won’t find what i’m looking for here, though it’s worth a shot. thanks!!!

ps: if you comment “just get over phone calls” or something like that i’m blocking you. if that was an option i would have done it years ago. utterly useless “advice”

i guess this is more venting but the vast majority of people that like me on apps are wildly out of my age range/location. i’m in my late 20s and only looking to meet people/date from mid-20s to early 30s. people 40+, even 50+ are liking me. 18 year olds liking me. why can’t people around my age like me!!!! also same with distance, lots of people from 60+ miles, even 100+ miles, and i’m not willing to do distance of any sort. is it the unavailablility that interests them?

i (29MtF/lesbian) have recently come to the understanding, after 10 years of questioning, that i am in fact, asexual. specifically grey-asexual but also could be demisexual instead, though i don’t like that label much. i really don’t want to be asexual though. i want to be able to have the experiences that others have, i want to be able to participate and relate to other queer women in that way. i wish i could desire sex. i feel like an outsider around other queer women because of my lack of real interest in sex. i want to be “normal” in that regard at least? that’s FOMO speaking though.

it’s also hard to accept that i’m asexual because of a lack of relationship experience. i haven’t been in a relationship before, nor have i been in love. what if i meet someone and we enter a romantic relationship and i’m actually attracted to them? what if it’s just a context thing, because i have never been in sexual contexts before, that’s the missing piece? what if it’s just because i don’t understand flirting or flirt with others really? what if it’s just anxiety or dysphoria? my last sexual experiences were horrible and painful and dysphoria-inducing.

i had a pretty strong libido as a teenager and it was really undirected and never towards anyone in specific. then i had sex and all previous interest in sex disappeared. i was so curious and open-minded about sex but it wasn’t really about me, more in an academic interest type of way. having sex was more about checking a box than wanting to have sex. at

i thought once i started to love my body and that i wasn’t forced into taking male gender/sexual roles, my interest would change, but it hasn’t, and i feel broken. i do crave the validation and attention towards my body now that i actually feel somewhat attractive and i want to be wanted. the more my self esteem increases, the less i have a libido, the less i think about sex though.

i have already had accept so many other differences about me compared to what’s socially normative such as being trans, being autistic/ADHD, being disabled, and the fact that i experience life differently from the vast majority of people, yet i can’t accept this difference.

sorry for the ramble-y, chaotic post and thank you for reading