u/Heavy-Reality6123

Listen I already know someone’s gonna say “pick me” “girl you’re picked” blah blah. I’m just being honest. I’ve been talking to a lot of my Muslim friends and even some family members (not all), and sometimes I wonder why they’re not married even when guys asked for their hands. Of course, naseeb is a thing, I get that. But then I ask what they want in a guy and it’s like: “he has to be a doctor” “my mehr is 50k minimum” “he needs to be 6 ft” “he has to be a millionaire” and one of my close friends 24 always complaining she’s not married goes, “I just want him to cook, clean, spoil me, I don’t like cooking I hate it and I want gifts everyday.” Wallah I thought this was a joke…. I was literally shocked.

I literally looked at her dead in the eyes and said, be serious. That’s unrealistic asf. And she’s like, “I know I know but it’s just how I think.”

And honestly what’s actually crazy is I used to sit there thinking, “WOW, Muslim men really complain about the bare minimum we ask for.” But now I’m realizing… I’ve actually been asking for the bare minimum. Meanwhile, there are people out here with straight up delusional expectations and it lowkey ruins it for the rest of us Muslim women.

I’m a brutally honest person, so I’ve said it to people straight up: some of your standards are not just high they’re all over the place and make no sense. No offense but some of y’all have the most delusional expectations and then act confused about why you’re still single. Like… be so for real 😭

Sometimes I wonder if I wore hijab here in America would things have been different for me?

Maybe the non Muslim men who SA me would have looked at me and thought “oh she’s a Muslim woman no thanks” and just avoided me. I would have preferred that over anything. Sometimes I feel like I might not have been as sexualized if I wore the hijab. Maybe I wouldn’t have to carry this feeling of being disgusting or dirty. I know this can happen whether you wear hijab or not, I’m not dumb. But at the same time from what I’ve seen, almost all of my hijabi friends haven’t gone through what I went through, and we’ve actually talked about it. But then I also know older hijabi women who have so I know it’s not that simple.

It’s just different walking around without hijab. Men don’t know you’re Muslim and honestly they don’t care either. They just see you and make assumptions. Like no hijab = she’s probably more open, willing to date, not that religious, easier to talk to, whatever. And then they feel way more comfortable sexualizing you or crossing boundaries.

I’m so over it.

Scenario:

Let’s say a husband assumes something based on physical signs (like the hymen) and accuses his wife of zina, but she’s actually innocent what then? That’s a serious accusation in Islam.

Secondly, If someone asks about the past and the person says they haven’t done anything, how would that ever be verified You really can’t “verify” something like that. There aren’t “witnesses ” and many people don’t have social circles or any kind of “evidence” tied to their private life. At that point, it comes down to either trust or suspicion there’s no reliable way to prove it.

Some people say “the truth will come out eventually” but is that always the case? In Islam, we’re taught that Allah can conceal a person’s past sins if they sincerely repent. So if someone has made tawbah and changed is it even right to expect their past to be exposed?

I’m honestly curious how should men and women handle this in a way that’s fair and actually aligns with Islam? Where do you draw the line when it comes to preferences vs. trusting something you can’t prove? Should we even ask about someone’s past? because I personally don’t or am I putting myself in a bad situation for not asking?

Not wanting children… is it actually possible to find a husband who feels the same?

In Islam, we’re encouraged to get married to complete half of our deen, but I’ve been wondering are children actually a necessary part of that?

I’d really appreciate honest answers.

Everyone around me keeps telling me it’s basically impossible, or that a man won’t truly love me if I don’t want kids. Sometimes this dunya just feels like a lot. And I struggle with the idea of bringing a child into it. It’s not coming from a selfish place, it’s actually the opposite. I care and love too deeply. Like I think about kids I don’t even have yet lol, and I don’t want them going through trauma or dealing with everything this world throws at you. That’s what makes me hesitate.

I’m only open to the idea of having kids because the man always wants… I can definitely picture myself as a wife but idk if I want to be a mother.