u/Heavy-Act989

So my cousin/brother is a total asshole. His previous marriage resulted in a separation and him getting full custody of his kid. We never really knew exactly what happened, but she claimed he hit her. However, they were both just super toxic to each other and ended up splitting custody years ago.

Now he’s married to another person. This girl that he’s married to is the same age as me there’s a 10 year gap between them and her and I have gotten close. She’s become a good friend of mine. They don’t have a kid together yet this is his second marriage she’s 28 and I told her to finish school get your degree and set yourself up. Don’t rush to have a kid.

A while ago, she called me crying, saying he hit her. I live out of state. I calmed her down and I told her I was gonna yell at him and she needs to do whatever she needs to do. I talk to him we get into a fight. he doesn’t admit it, and she still stays with him.

This is a weird cycle for them. However, last week she called me sobbing crying on FaceTime terrified, she’s ran under the house. She looks bruised. She’s scared that any noise she hears could be him. She is absolutely petrified. I live out of state so I called a a friend of ours to get her and that friend rescues her. The friend takes her to a hotel, we make sure that she’s OK there’s not much I can do besides be on the phone. I called him and he was not remorseful at all, he said she deserved it.

That day, I told her she should call the police take pictures and he needs to fucking go to jail cause he’s a fucking asshole. Overnight her family called her. They basically convinced her to get back with him and to not break her bond of marriage in the eyes of God over something like this, she calls me the next day tells me she’s going back. I’m fucking pissed because the emotional turmoil and I went through was for nothing; I also paid for the hotel, the friend and I split the cost and we got her a hotel room for two days.

I even offered for her to come stay with me in the state I live in. I told her that she has a support system, even if she doesn’t. Her family and everybody she knows is out of the country. So she goes back home to him/ She calls me asking me know that she’s back home, if she should cook for his trip because he was going on a work trip. I’m pissed just absolutely shocked and totally flabbergasted, because what in the Stockholm syndrome is going on here so I was not helpful with that decision needless to say.

I come to find out from the mutual friend that night after she went back home, she took her husband back to the same hotel room that she took sanctuary in, and that we paid for and slept with him. I feel like a fucking idiot. I feel absolutely used and heartbroken, and I feel so bad for her but at the same time, I’m angry a at her and him.

Now he’s upset with me, she hasn’t spoken to me at all, and I don’t know what to do?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I moved about three years ago from my hometown. I visit quite often, as it is only a two hour flight away. I met my current boyfriend last summer when I visited and we spent a few weeks getting to know each other.
Long story short, he came to visit me about a month after I left my hometown and we’ve been getting to know each other since. We met in June started dating in August so it’s been a few months now. He is a great man. He’s kind, very grounded, an entrepreneur, so he has his own shit going for him, accepts me for who I am – I’ve never felt judged by him ever and our identities mesh very well together.
But we’ve been having a lot of issues mostly because he has anger issues, not in the yelling and screaming, kind of anger issues, but in the punitive withdrawal kind. I will explain I once told a joke – I’m very goofy and he knows this and we laugh all the time, so I’m bound to say something dumb so I say a joke and it was clearly a sarcastic joke. He was so upset by it, he broke up with me, this was in November. It kind of broke my heart a little because I didn’t see that shit coming. I kept thinking it was a joke and I spoke to many people about it and they agreed, yeah what I said was dumb but not worth a breakup. It was clearly a joke.
We didn’t speak for a month, and he started apologizing, acknowledging what he did wrong, his overreaction begging to get back together all that so we do I forgave him and gave him grace. He learns from his mistakes I’ve noticed whenever we have arguments and i tell him how he’s acting and how that was hurtful to me – he corrects his actions. But this is a huge pattern, another time he got upset at me because he thought I flipped him off, which I absolutely didn’t. It was an overreaction – has happened in person and he was so upset. He threatened to break us up. Another time we’re talking about getting intimate and whatever fill in the blank I told him I wanted him to make me – – – you know make my waterfall. And he got so upset with me because he’s like oh you’ve experienced that? And completely ruined our date like after that we were not able to continue our date, we went home. Another time we are drunk on a date together we’re having the best fucking time and laughing. I basically I’m like ha ha bitch go back to the other thing you really had to be there. It was like in the moment type of ‘bitch’, not a condescending or hurtful one and he was so upset. How dare you call me that… so much so and our entire date was over.

And now the reason why I’m here asking for advice is because in the last few months he’s only came to visit me into town twice. I’ve been to my hometown like four times twice because I was visiting for Christmas and a holiday other two times just to visit him and see my friends also, but he promised he would come visit me this weekend. And leading up to it he completely ghosted me this week. We didn’t have a fight. There was nothing wrong. He just did not call me for four days straight right and text me instead to say hey I’m not coming to town tomorrow. And I’m upset. I’m so fucking angry at this asshole.
So far, I have been accused of cheating, woke up with, carrying the emotional weight of the relationship, and now as I’m writing this, I’m thinking to myself what the fuck why am I so with this guy. I somehow fell in love with him I know I’ve gave you the rundown of all the terrible stuff but he’s been a really solid person outside of that like side of these moments when we have fights, he treats me with respect and kindness, and is there for me and supports me speaks life into me uplift me takes care of me when he can even it’s a long distance like if I’m having a bad day he will always order me DoorDash or send me flowers or ship me my favorite items. Attentive. But now you guys this week absolutely going ghost on me out of nowhere not a call and I have called him like at least five or six times in the last four days he’s texted me maybe a couple times not once acknowledging my missed calls, not one acknowledging how he’s ignored them. Now I just feel like boo-boo the fool because I get approached by men all the time – I have had many opportunities to step out, but I don’t because that’s not my morals. And in the space that I’m in my career, I’m always interacting with wealthy men who are running companies – and he knows this because I tell him about my day-to-day. I’m just sitting here thinking like why am I still with this guy who’s treating me like this couldn’t even be bothered to call me and tell me he can’t come or the reason behind it. One who keeps making promises and not keeping them, I should really be enjoying a single life in the city that I’m in, but I just can’t seem to let him go because I have chosen him and I am in love with him. By the way, he told me he love me a few times and it was genuine and it was in person, but he can’t even fucking say that shit to me on the phone because he’s like oh it has to be the right moment; guys…….. reading this out loud it sounds so ridiculous but give me some insight

I moved about three years ago from my hometown. I visit quite often, as it is only a two hour flight away. I met my current boyfriend last summer when I visited and we spent a few weeks getting to know each other.
Long story short, he came to visit me about a month after I left my hometown and we’ve been getting to know each other since. We met in June started dating in August so it’s been a few months now. He is a great man. He’s kind, very grounded, an entrepreneur, so he has his own shit going for him, accepts me for who I am – I’ve never felt judged by him ever and our identities mesh very well together.
But we’ve been having a lot of issues mostly because he has anger issues, not in the yelling and screaming, kind of anger issues, but in the punitive withdrawal kind. I will explain I once told a joke – I’m very goofy and he knows this and we laugh all the time, so I’m bound to say something dumb so I say a joke and it was clearly a sarcastic joke. He was so upset by it, he broke up with me, this was in November. It kind of broke my heart a little because I didn’t see that shit coming. I kept thinking it was a joke and I spoke to many people about it and they agreed, yeah what I said was dumb but not worth a breakup. It was clearly a joke.
We didn’t speak for a month, and he started apologizing, acknowledging what he did wrong, his overreaction begging to get back together all that so we do I forgave him and gave him grace. He learns from his mistakes I’ve noticed whenever we have arguments and i tell him how he’s acting and how that was hurtful to me – he corrects his actions. But this is a huge pattern, another time he got upset at me because he thought I flipped him off, which I absolutely didn’t. It was an overreaction – has happened in person and he was so upset. He threatened to break us up. Another time we’re talking about getting intimate and whatever fill in the blank I told him I wanted him to make me – – – you know make my waterfall. And he got so upset with me because he’s like oh you’ve experienced that? And completely ruined our date like after that we were not able to continue our date, we went home. Another time we are drunk on a date together we’re having the best fucking time and laughing. I basically I’m like ha ha bitch go back to the other thing you really had to be there. It was like in the moment type of ‘bitch’, not a condescending or hurtful one and he was so upset. How dare you call me that… so much so and our entire date was over.

And now the reason why I’m here asking for advice is because in the last few months he’s only came to visit me into town twice. I’ve been to my hometown like four times twice because I was visiting for Christmas and a holiday other two times just to visit him and see my friends also, but he promised he would come visit me this weekend. And leading up to it he completely ghosted me this week. We didn’t have a fight. There was nothing wrong. He just did not call me for four days straight right and text me instead to say hey I’m not coming to town tomorrow. And I’m upset. I’m so fucking angry at this asshole.
So far, I have been accused of cheating, woke up with, carrying the emotional weight of the relationship, and now as I’m writing this, I’m thinking to myself what the fuck why am I so with this guy. I somehow fell in love with him I know I’ve gave you the rundown of all the terrible stuff but he’s been a really solid person outside of that like side of these moments when we have fights, he treats me with respect and kindness, and is there for me and supports me speaks life into me uplift me takes care of me when he can even it’s a long distance like if I’m having a bad day he will always order me DoorDash or send me flowers or ship me my favorite items. Attentive. But now you guys this week absolutely going ghost on me out of nowhere not a call and I have called him like at least five or six times in the last four days he’s texted me maybe a couple times not once acknowledging my missed calls, not one acknowledging how he’s ignored them. Now I just feel like boo-boo the fool because I get approached by men all the time – I have had many opportunities to step out, but I don’t because that’s not my morals. And in the space that I’m in my career, I’m always interacting with wealthy men who are running companies – and he knows this because I tell him about my day-to-day. I’m just sitting here thinking like why am I still with this guy who’s treating me like this couldn’t even be bothered to call me and tell me he can’t come or the reason behind it. One who keeps making promises and not keeping them, I should really be enjoying a single life in the city that I’m in, but I just can’t seem to let him go because I have chosen him and I am in love with him. By the way, he told me he love me a few times and it was genuine and it was in person, but he can’t even fucking say that shit to me on the phone because he’s like oh it has to be the right moment; guys…….. reading this out loud it sounds so ridiculous but give me some insight