u/Head_Chemist_1747

I apologize in advance for the longish post. I’m looking for unbiased advice from people who don’t know me or my current partner.

To give a little background - my son’s father and I had a whirlwind relationship. We were young and dumb and got pregnant shortly after meeting. In our first relationship, i tried very hard to make it work and start a family with what was essentially a stranger. He was distant, closed off and controlling. Fast forward to 7 months pregnant and I found out he was cheating with multiple women, so i cheated back. He came home after drinking and caught me in the act. He hit me, destroyed my house, and threatened to kill me and my other child. I filed for a restraining order, gave birth alone and he didn’t meet our son until he was about 3 months old. I also got engaged to my affair partner roughly a year after.

In the years after, we had a tumultuous coparenting relationship, several arguments, threats, etc until the last year or so we finally came to a place where forgiveness was given on both sides and we coparented peacefully. I called off my engagement with my affair partner for a multitude of reasons and after my son’s father spent roughly a year pursuing me and trying to convince me to be a family again. I expressed adamantly several times that I needed to be alone and it was a selfish season of my life but he insisted. One day, after I suffered an expected death in the family and started drinking, we ended up hooking up and then we were right back in the whirlwind.

We were about a month or so into trying again, not officially together but working on it when I went out with some friends and got a man’s number and we had a few conversations, though nothing sexual. When he found out about this by going through my phone, he hit me. I apologized for my actions and we attempted to move past it. In another instance, also while drinking he went through my phone after drinking and saw that I responded to a Facebook story from someone i had previous relations with. He assumed I was cheating despite me trying to offer proof the contrary and it got physical, including him refusing to allow me to leave, grabbing me by my throat while I had our son and then covering my nose and mouth.

He has promised to stop drinking and so far as kept that promise. He attributes the violence to the alcohol and cheating and says it will never happen again. While I feel that it’s best for the relationship to end, he is insistent that we work it out.

I know that I am wrong for cheating, but I guess my question is, was the violence justified and would anyone else try to work this out if it were them?

I apologize in advance for the longish post. I’m looking for unbiased advice from people who don’t know me or my current partner.

To give a little background - my son’s father and I had a whirlwind relationship. We were young and dumb and got pregnant shortly after meeting. In our first relationship, i tried very hard to make it work and start a family with what was essentially a stranger. He was distant, closed off and controlling. Fast forward to 7 months pregnant and I found out he was cheating with multiple women, so i cheated back. He came home after drinking and caught me in the act. He hit me, destroyed my house, and threatened to kill me and my other child. I filed for a restraining order, gave birth alone and he didn’t meet our son until he was about 3 months old. I also got engaged to my affair partner roughly a year after.

In the years after, we had a tumultuous coparenting relationship, several arguments, threats, etc until the last year or so we finally came to a place where forgiveness was given on both sides and we coparented peacefully. I called off my engagement with my affair partner for a multitude of reasons and after my son’s father spent roughly a year pursuing me and trying to convince me to be a family again. I expressed adamantly several times that I needed to be alone and it was a selfish season of my life but he insisted. One day, after I suffered an expected death in the family and started drinking, we ended up hooking up and then we were right back in the whirlwind.

We were about a month or so into trying again, not officially together but working on it when I went out with some friends and got a man’s number and we had a few conversations, though nothing sexual. When he found out about this by going through my phone, he hit me. I apologized for my actions and we attempted to move past it. In another instance, also while drinking he went through my phone after drinking and saw that I responded to a Facebook story from someone i had previous relations with. He assumed I was cheating despite me trying to offer proof the contrary and it got physical, including him refusing to allow me to leave, grabbing me by my throat while I had our son and then covering my nose and mouth.

He has promised to stop drinking and so far as kept that promise. He attributes the violence to the alcohol and cheating and says it will never happen again. While I feel that it’s best for the relationship to end, he is insistent that we work it out.

I know that I am wrong for cheating, but I guess my question is, was the violence justified and would anyone else try to work this out if it were them?