u/Glass_Hamster6697

To start this story, my(31F) future MIL(71F) is angry that my fiancé and I are going to be away for Mother’s Day.

My fiancé(32M) and I help our neighbour with his cottage renovations every May. This year, due to preexisting plans, the only weekend we are able to go up is the weekend of Mother’s Day.

My fiancé informed his mother of this and she was extremely upset over this. She threw a big fit that my fiancé is going away because that is her day and she looks forward to it every year. The conversation ended with his mom slamming the door shut in his face.

On Mother’s Day she refuses to let anyone spend the day with her besides my fiancé. She doesn’t even allow her husband to be apart of things(she doesn’t like her husband and constantly belittles him, talks bad about him and does and says things to make my fiancé dislike him)

She even went as far a few years ago telling my fiancé(on Mother’s Day) that he is a sperm donor baby and his father isn’t his real father(after the husband said that he never wants my fiancé to find out because he’s worried he won’t think of him as his real dad) and that there were rumours that he was cheating on her with men and said a bunch of horrid things about him.

She even gets mad on Father’s Day when we celebrate him. If we get him a nice card she rolls her eyes.

A bit of backstory. We rent the top apartment of the duplex and his parents live on the bottom. My fiancé lived here before we met and we both agreed since his mom is 71 and his dad is almost 80 it would be good to rent it out and help them take care of things.

His mom can be a nice and caring woman but she is a lot to deal with sometimes when it comes to my fiancé(only child).

If we go on a date to a town/city his mom has been to, she insists we go to her restaurant of choice and order her favourite food. My fiancé says we have to do it or she will be upset.

If my fiancé doesn’t like or agree with something his mom likes, she gets really upset and frustrated.

We got engaged on Christmas last year and she didn’t seem too thrilled at first. The next day she asked for help with sending a text and I am assuming she forgot what her last text read. It said “op and fiancé just got engaged so it’s been a lot for me to deal with”.

My fiancés mom would cook dinner for my fiancé before we met and then her and I would rotate cooking dinners but recently we have decided to start making our own dinners for many reasons; we are big into nutrition and want to eat healthier, we didn’t want to eat dinner at 9 PM anymore, we thought it would just be easier for his mom because she gets stressed out with the cooking. We offered for them to eat the meals I make but they don’t seem interested in them(I admit it’s boring gym food lol) and she got very upset over this.

I just feel like there is no separation at all, that all of our plans have to be funnelled through his mom. We spend every single holiday with his parents and don’t even go out on New Year’s Eve with friends because of her.

We mentioned wanting to move out east and she instantly said she would move with us.

I expressed my concern to my fiancé about these things and how they are starting to seep into our relationship. That I feel like his mother dictates everything we do and we can’t be a normal couple and create new traditions or memories without getting her approval.

We want to get pregnant next year and I am very worried and stressed that this is all going to blow up and she will be furious.

I said I don’t want to have to spend Mother’s Day alone because your mom refuses to share that holiday and that most family’s spend those holidays as a unit. I also said it might be a good time to have a conversation with her that we are engaged and we are going to start our own family soon and that means we won’t always be available for holidays(what if we want to go away on a trip?) and that this might be a good time to start spending Mother’s Day as a family unit and she can’t freak out if we have a life outside of her.

My fiancé does agree with me on all of this and going to speak to his mom tomorrow but now I am feeling guilty, like I’m being controlling.

AITA for asking fiancé to put boundaries up with his mother?

My(31F) future MIL(71F) is angry that my fiancé and I are going to be away for Mother’s Day.

My fiancé(32M) and I help our neighbour with his cottage renovations every May. This year, due to preexisting plans, the only weekend we are able to go up is the weekend of Mother’s Day.

My fiancé informed his mother of this and she was extremely upset over this. She threw a big fit that my fiancé is going away because that is her day and she looks forward to it every year. The conversation ended with his mom slamming the door shut in his face.

On Mother’s Day she refuses to let anyone spend the day with her besides my fiancé. She doesn’t even allow her husband to be part of things(she doesn’t like her husband and constantly belittles him, talks bad about him and does and says things to make my fiancé dislike him)

She even went as far a few years ago telling my fiancé(on Mother’s Day) that he is a sperm donor baby and his father isn’t his real father(after the husband said that he never wants my fiancé to find out because he’s worried he won’t think of him as his real dad) and that there were rumours that he was cheating on her with men and said a bunch of horrid things about him.

She even gets mad on Father’s Day when we celebrate him. If we get him a nice card she rolls her eyes.

A bit of backstory. We rent the top apartment of the duplex and his parents live on the bottom. My fiancé lived here before we met and we both agreed since his mom is 71 and his dad is almost 80 it would be good to rent it out and help them take care of things.

His mom can be a nice and caring woman but she is a lot to deal with sometimes when it comes to my fiancé(only child).

If we go on a date to a town/city his mom has been to, she insists we go to her restaurant of choice and order her favourite food. My fiancé says we have to do it or she will be upset.

If my fiancé doesn’t like or agree with something his mom likes, she gets really upset and frustrated.

We got engaged on Christmas last year and she didn’t seem too thrilled at first. The next day she asked for help with sending a text and I am assuming she forgot what her last text read. It said “op and fiancé just got engaged so it’s been a lot for me to deal with”.

My fiancés mom would cook dinner for my fiancé before we met and then her and I would rotate cooking dinners but recently we have decided to start making our own dinners for many reasons; we are big into nutrition and want to eat healthier, we didn’t want to eat dinner at 9 PM anymore, we thought it would just be easier for his mom because she gets stressed out with the cooking. We offered for them to eat the meals I make but they don’t seem interested in them(I admit it’s boring gym food lol) and she got very upset over this.

I just feel like there is no separation at all, that all of our plans have to be funnelled through his mom. We spend every single holiday with his parents and don’t even go out on New Year’s Eve with friends because of her.

We mentioned wanting to move out east and she instantly said she would move with us.

I expressed my concern to my fiancé about these things and how they are starting to seep into our relationship. That I feel like his mother dictates everything we do and we can’t be a normal couple and create new traditions or memories without getting her approval.

We want to get pregnant next year and I am very worried and stressed that this is all going to blow up and she will be furious.

I said I don’t want to have to spend Mother’s Day alone because your mom refuses to share that holiday and that most family’s spend those holidays as a unit. I also said it might be a good time to have a conversation with her that we are engaged and we are going to start our own family soon and that means we won’t always be available for holidays(what if we want to go away on a trip?) and that this might be a good time to start spending Mother’s Day as a family unit.

My fiancé does agree with me on all of this and going to speak to his mom tomorrow.

Now I am unsure if I am being unreasonable and should just let her be the way she is and accept this is how things will be.

TL:DR; fiancés mom is adamant that nobody else joins in on Mother’s Day plans

My fiancé and I are going away on the weekend of Mother’s Day. Our neighbour has a cottage that my fiancé helps him work on and he needed assistance in the month of May.

Due to preexisting plans we have(we can’t cancel or reschedule) the only days that would work for us is May 8th until May 13th.

Every Mother’s Day my fiancé and his mom go out for the day. She will not let anyone else join in, not even his father. He is an only child.

We told his mom that will we will be away that weekend and she is furious. She thinks it’s selfish of us to go away on Mother’s Day and that it’s not fair to her. She looks forward to this all year long and it’s the only time that works because the flowers are in perfect bloom(they do a walk that day) and the conversation ended with her shutting the door on my fiancés face. It seems like she wants us to change our plans but we won’t.

I honestly think it’s ridiculous that she’s upset over this. We are adults, life happens and opportunities sometimes get in the way of holidays.

This is not the first case of her acting this way.

We live in a duplex and rent the top half of the apartment. My fiancés parents are in their 70’s so it helps to be around in case they need assistance.

When we got engaged she did not seem too thrilled. My fiancés dad was super excited and she just kind of sat there. The day after we got engaged she was asking my help on sending a text to a family member and I guess she forgot what her previous message was, it says “OP and fiancé got engaged so it’s been a lot”.

She got upset when we got a dog.

If my fiancé and I go out on a date to a town or place she has been to, she insists that we eat at her favourite restaurant and eat her favourite meal and will be upset if we don’t.

It’s becoming a lot and I am unsure of how to proceed.

I told my fiancé that I don’t like feeling like I’m in a relationship with him and his mother and how is she going to act when we have kids and Mother’s Day is spent as a family unit.

TL:DR; fiancés mom is upset we are going away the weekend of Mother’s Day.