u/Glad_Delivery_9104

I am not looking for any sort of reassurance or relief seeing as this is something I know I have to work through on my own.Advice would help but basically I have a new found fear that I am a heartless person who can’t love
I had a very rough childhood so truth is with some things I react in a specific way
When my dad had heart surgery it was a regular Wednesday for me , like I didn’t even care. I do feel things on such a deep level I am a very sensitive and emotional person

But this fear is now onto my relationship.I fear that I am too heartless to be with my boyfriend.He was in pain today (physical ) I didn’t know what to say.
And that triggered my fear.I fear I am heartless , that I don’t actually love him that I am actually a very selfish person because when he is in pain I didn’t know how to react wht to say I froze, I like for him to stay up longer so we can talk more, when he is upset over something I always ask him to talk about it with me but if it is not anything big I don’t talk to him about it afterwards again

I genuinely feel like I am a heartless person
I don’t know if that is true and I know I don’t have to figure it out right now
But I just felt the need to get it off my chest for a bit

So I am 20F, I am turning 21 very soon and for context I live in Europe
I wasn’t able to pursue college due to my parents restrictions
My older sister was able to
Now I work from home minimum wage job where they take half of my salary even though their earnings are in top 1% in the country

Now their restrictions on me aren’t even the issue here
I have a very stressful job with long hours I wanted to go shopping alone and just eat some junk food
The mall is a bus ride away less than 100km
My mom is trying to forbid it because I am a girl
I would be going during the day anyways
My sister was years younger than me when she lived in a major city but with me it is suddenly not allowed to go for one afternoon

I genuinely don’t know what to do.Because that is all they have ever done, controlled me.
And it scares me even more because I am saving up to be able to move to another country and go to college to study my dream major.So if they won’t let me go to a city less than 100km away.What will moving to another country be like?

I don’t even know if I am being unreasonable here, it made me very upset as my sister is able to do all these things,travel across the world go wherever she likes, come home whenever she wants.But I can’t.And she isn’t much older than me.So I am genuinely distressed at the unfairness of it

Any advice?

Hi, so I am a 20F and I am in a relationship with my boyfriend 24M for 5 ish months now.Before him I was with my ex boyfriend who was pretty much the most abusive man I ever met.Degrading, mentally abusive, sexually, ignoring, cheater.Just a red flag all around

I was with my ex for almost 5 months and it was very much on and off because of all the abuse.Falling out of love w my ex was easy because we had broken up so many times. and then few months after the breakup I meet my boyfriend

He is so perfect and kind.He is kind a sweetheart willing to give the world for people he loves, overprotective, caring, loves animals.Hes just perfect to me and I am deeply in love with him I just always want him around.

However 2 almost 3 months in I started having horrible ROCD type of thoughts.It took me another month and a half to finally learn how to cope with it and now I can finally feel his love and love him back without falling apart over my intrusive thoughts.

I do think of my ex sometimes, i compare him to my bf bc im so in awe of how sweet my bf is and can’t understand why i ever accepted my ex’s treatment of me.

That said I do look at my ex’s reposts sometimes

I myself don’t understand why.It doesn’t happene every day or even every week its like maybe once a month.I cant even remember last time i did it.

And along with that i get some intrusive thoughts of my ex.Like randomly i will get intrusive thoughts too

I dont know what to do i love my boyfriend so much and im so attached to him I even prayed last night crying thanking God for bringing him into my life but now today I overthink about this.

Any advice?