u/Ghosted_Gurl

Come with me while I explain how a fucking gecko ruined my day:

The chronic fatigue is especially bad with my toddler. It's not his fault, it's just he'll will scream and cry over the simplest things- and it's like it sucks my energy like a vampire. I will start to shake and feel like I have no muscles in my limbs. I'm overwhelmed with guilt, because I've promised to let him help me make muffins and he's so excited. But after his pointless tantrum my body is shutting down. I'll be wandering the house desperately trying to find my headphones, my slippers so I can't feel the floor, while I'm trying to rip my bra off like it's a vice.

And all the sudden- from the tv I keep threatening to sell: "dId yOU KnoW THAT GEICO cAn sAVE YOU hUndReDs on CaR InsuRANCE???!?!?"

And that's it. I'm out. I'm ready to set my TV on fire and put my son on the side of the road with a "free" sign. I'm exhausted while also feeling like I want to break all the windows out of my house. I'm dead set on dragging whoever invented commercials out into the street and beating them like a pinata. But I also desperately just want to crawl into bed and hide. It's like my whole body is a raw nerve.

Some days are just so bad, and the cycle repeats over and over. There has to be a better way.

This isn't meant to be inflammatory, I'm curious how people feel about this. I'm in my 40s now, and have been talking with my friends about how everyone is doing after high school and we noticed a trend. Everyone who is financially stable never went to college*.

The stand out friend who's done the best never went to college, had an apprenticeship by her own mom for free, then inherited some money and property when her grandparents passed away. She was able to use those as momentum to start her business.

I think back on my attitude about school and work, and realize so much of what I had wrong came directly from my teachers and advisors. The "just study hard in college and your degree will change your life" idea completely derailed me, not because it's pointless to study, but because it ignored some key realities about life. Specifically, that whether your family already HAS money plays a huge role in your success in America. It's like this open secret that everyone knows but know one wants to say out loud, because we're embarrassed of how little we actually are a meritocracy.

If I had known how important my parents contribution was going to be in my success- I would have made VERY different decisions. Because I have 0 family support- I'm the last living member of my family. But my idiot self simply bumbled through life, thinking I was the master of my own destiny.

Obviously, I can't blame all my hardships on the system. But it irks me that I was legally required by the federal government to get an education that sold me a BS story about the American Dream, only to let me face plant right out of the gate.

* with one exception, one friend went to college and did very poorly for many years, ended up moving back in with his dad for a long time. Got a job in a coffee shop (nothing to do with his degree) and found himself in the right spot to end up co owning it when the owners retired.

This isn't meant as a criticism. I've been struggling to stay employed for years, and it's been a disaster for my health. I've read several posts where people have said they quit their jobs, and haven't been employed for years due to horrendous burnout. I'm trying to understand how you all are doing it, because I'm always about $100 from being evicted pretty much year round.

This is in no way a flex. I live in a constant state of financial anxiety, and everything in my life is uncertain. Different jobs, different apartments, nothing ever stays the same. it's like sandpaper to my brain. The only reason I'm not dead is because I'm a mom. If I could find a way to stop working and take care of myself, I would be right there with you.