u/Fluid_Repeat_1906

When I tell neurotypicals that I want to be close to my friends be vulnerable with them, have intimacy with them and an healthy and stable friendship, neurotypicals just start calling me weird and they tell me to stop acting like i'm my friends girlfriend when I'm not. What is wrong with craving closeness and love with people that are important to you?

I'm so pissed that intimacy and vulnerability is only regarded and validated in romantic relationships never in platonic ones and friendships. When you talk about it they judge you or tell you to seek help.

Mon entreprise m'a viré sans motif. Pour ne pas avoir de problème, elle a masqué mon licenciement en faisant croire que j'avais demandé une rupture conventionnelle. Je travaillais à 100 % en télétravail et durant la procédure de la rupture conventionnelle qui a été mise en place, ils m'ont imposé des tâches qui n'avaient aucun rapport avec ce que je faisais habituellement. J'ai exprimé mon incompréhension à ce sujet et n'étant pas apte mentalement pour effectuer ces tâches, je n'ai pas pu les faire.

Résultat : ils m'ont signalée comme étant absente durant un mois et demi.

My long distance friendship of 6 months...is probably ending maybe it's not the case but I'm anxious about it and I don't know what to do anymore

I've been in a long distance friendship with my friend of 6 months. Everything until now was great.

Since last December we planned to see each other actually she was the one who was so excited about meeting me that she wanted to come see me. I was surprised cause I barely knew the girl so I was so happy and I said yes.

Here what happened:

January

- we planned to see each other in January so I planned everything for her visit. She told me she couldn't because of money. I understood and asked if I could come visit instead she said she didn't want me to spend money to come see her. I said that I was paying for her train ticket she refused. So I didn't insist. I was sad because i was excited to see her. We rescheduled the meeting for half/end of January.

Half/end January

- The same things repeated itself again. I became more sad and started to believe that she didn't want to see me at all. We rescheduled to February

February

- something unfortunate happened to me and I had to move back to my country. I was angry, frustrated. I was more sad to not being able to see her than have to move back. I hold on to the trip we were supposed to have together in March

March

- I was excited for that trip we planned together because I would finally be able to see her irl and spend time with her. I'm not going to lie I invested myself in that trip for months. she had a visa problem so we changed the dates. I also proposed to help if money was a problem. She refused my help. she had the same problem again and we moved the date to the end of March but the visa again... I was sad and heartbroken so as a last resolve I changed the date one last time so she could come with me she agreed. So we rescheduled it for mid April.

April

- Her visa dates didn't match the ones we had for the trip she ask me if we could change them but I couldn't because the timing was too short, I had medical appointments, I had to sign papers with my former company and it would cost me too much again. So I traveled alone. I was extremely heartbroken during the trip. I wanted to connect with her and be with her.

Our friendship during the past 6 months :

It really felt great, I feel the connection I thought that I finally found someone that understood me and was on the same wavelength as me.

I think that she had a quick crush on me because she admitted to like me and she even flirted but I didn't get it until she said it loud and clear. I flirted back and even admitted that I liked her too and I wanted more with her. That was the dream for me because she didn't rejected be but she didn't want to rush. I asked her on a date.

Everything changed when I found out that she was flirting with me and giving hope while having a casual relationship with someone else she was emotionally attached to. I was betrayed and accepted that anything romantic between her and I wasn't meant to be so when she said that she wanted to stay friends I didn't know what else to say because I was still shocked by what I found out.

We never had a conversation about it...she did everything to avoid it so I was left confused and with no way to comfort myself. I wanted to be a good friend so I solely focused on that while putting aside my romantic feelings for her. I needed to numb them so to not give them the chance to ruin the friendship that I wanted in the first place because I never meant to catch feelings for my friend. I learned my place and focused all my efforts to be a good friend that she needed.

After she broke up with her situationship she became a bit distant with me. We texted less, our good morning/ good night rituals ended, the how was your day what did you eat started to be rare and felt disconnected from her. I became the one who always send messages. I told her about it. She said it wasn't what it looked like she was busy with life etc.. the usual things I was understanding as always. But did I understand myself?

I have disorganized attachments but I'm not the type to be afraid of intimacy or afraid to be vulnerable. I won't do these push and pull things. But when my friend put distance between us I felt unseen, rejected and not prioritized. I communicated that with her. We both said the things we wanted to say and we promised to make our friendship work and put effort since we're LD. She even told me that I'm one of her closest friends.

Now a few weeks after we had that conversation she just went cold on me I sent her messages and she didn't reply to me. I don't know if she needs some space or if she's just done with me because i'm just too much. It's difficult to know when you're already far form someone and they just let the distance grow. I won't send another message to her and let my anxiety win but I don't know what I should do. I don't want to lose her and she knows it.

How do you manage the different situations below :

- Your ADHD friend leave you on delivered/read for days every time you try to reconnect with them ?

- When your ADHD friend tell you that you are important to them that they care but their actions don't match their words?

- When they cancel last minute every hangout/trip they planned with you but never with their other friends ?

- How do you react when you're the one who is there for them but they just start avoiding you when you need support ?

(ex : they were checking, this week has been awful and instead of the usual "i"m fine" to avoid bothering your friend, you finally take the courage you admit that you're not doing well they told you that you can talk about it with them and when you do they just put a reaction, leave you on read or disappear for days. But when it's them going through hard time you have to be their therapist and reply to them or they'll be mad.)

- What do you do when your ADHD friend panic when for once you don't reply to their messages within 24h but say that you should be patient with them for not replying to your texts for days ?

- How do you feel when you feel like the friendship is unbalanced, that you feel left out so you choose to be vulnerable because you don't want to lose a friend that is on the same wavelength as you for the first time in your life so you take the decision to communicate with your ADHD friend instead of bottling things up but it just became worse that it was before ?

- How did do find the right balance in your friendship with another ADHDer ?

- When your friendship make you feel unseen and unhappy and now you're hesitant to put an end to your friendship with them ?

Sorry for these questions I'm just trying to have another perspectives on things because I do feel like i'm the friend that is too much, too invasive, too demanding in my friendship with my ADHDer friends because it's been affecting me greatly as someone who always feel too much and who sometimes have difficulty to regulate my emotions but also as an anxiously attached person who is trying to heal from all the traumas she had in her past friendships with people who seen me as too much, not enough or who spent time to diminish me and my needs all the time that I never felt secured in friendships. I'm trying to be a better person for me.

I want to know how some of you're doing with ADHDer4ADHDer friendships because we always talk about friendship between neurotypicals and neurodivergents but never about friendships that are built with 2 people who are under the neurodivergent spectrum

I'm trying so hard to be a better friend, I work on myself despite my traumas linked to my past friendships that seriously destroyed my capacity to really trust people,

I go to therapy etc. Lately my friend from 6 months keeps moving weird with me and it suddenly makes my anxious attachment resurface and I'm having these rejection dysphoria phase it make me feel like sh*t and I feel like and as*hole rn.

Last month I had a discussion with her about how I don't want to lose her because she's very important to me. I told her that we should both make efforts for each other if we want our friendship to work and she did agreed to be more consistent. I know we're both adults and that things are complicated and even more when the friendship is maintain from afar but I'm not asking for much. The only thing that I asked her to check on each other when we haven't heard from each other for a few days and at least have 1-2 calls per month so we can reconnect and she said she was ok with all of that.

Last weekend we were supposed to have a call I was so enthusiastic about it because I missed her and I wanted to hear her voice and talk. I didn't felt great the entire week so for me spending that time with someone I appreciate was kinda comforting. She sent me a message telling me that it wasn't possible to have that call for some reason and she told me that she will tell me when she will finish. I don't even know why I got so frustrated and heartbroken. I felt betrayed and rejected again because it was supposed to be my moment with her. She never sent me that message or tried to reschedule the call to another time.

During the week after many days without hearing from her I sent her a text to check on her. She asked me how I was I told her that I've been feeling terrible to which she replied that I could talk about it with her.

I told her that last weekend I needed my friend I needed to reconnect with her cause I'm losing my balance and my life is falling apart. She literally ignored me again.

Now i'm questioning myself about if I should cut her off. When she needed me I was there listening to her, encouraging her, letting her be herself and creating space for her despite the fact that I was also going through hard times and that I needed support. I reached a point where I exhausted physically and mentally and i'm running out of patience and understanding for other people. I'm never cared for, i'm never seen, heard or even chosen but I do all of these things for my friends.

It's probably for the best that I remove myself from her life. She's not a bad person but I feel like i'm forcing that friendship on her and I felt more miserable than happy. I don't want to send her another paragraph or voice message explaining how hurt I am because over communicating feels like begging and I think I already put myself through enough embarrassment in this life when I always chose to be vulnerable with people who won't do the same for me. Letting her go will do less harm to me.