M32 flirting with other women, ends things suddenly with me F27
TLDR: boyfriend 32m is flirting with other girls on Snapchat, deleted account but never gets deletion email and “spirals” and ends things but it doesn’t make sense to me. Found out he has a new Snapchat account days after but he claims he made it 2 days after the break up. Don’t fight for the relationship further?
I (27F) was recently broken up with by my boyfriend (32M), we were together shy of 2 years with plans for me to move in sometime this year. It felt very out of the blue and I had no idea it was happening, the week prior I had felt something was a bit off and I had apologized for the distance I had been experiencing. When I realized just how much it had been, we were already in bed and he was asleep so I texted him the next morning telling him that I was sorry and I was working through some things we had already talked about and that I loved him and have a good day. He responded back with “okay, I love you too.” In mid-march to late march, I started to get suspicious of his phone but never went through it. I would see him from the bathroom when I would go take a shower and see a girls face on his phone as he responded or reacted to her Snapchat, he would clear Snapchat notifications quickly before I could see them and he would angle his phone away from me sometimes when he would get on it. He even went as far to change his whole body position when I would leave the bedroom and when I came back he would be standing in a different position with his phone screen facing away from the door when I entered the room again. I hadn’t brought up these issues as they weren’t always consistent but I had brought up if something was going on and he said no. Maybe a week or so later I get a message on Facebook from what looks like a fake account telling me to check his Snapchat, this account messaged him a few times as well calling him out for his behavior, he had been flirting with girls on Snapchat. I’m not sure how many or how long, he just said it was on and off and said a defensive “no” when I asked if it had been the whole relationship. He came forward and told me about what was going on before I even saw the message I was sent and I decided to move forward and give him a second chance. We had dated previously when I was 22-23 and broke up, due to many issues but I also had an issue with Snapchat and seeking validation from other men, I have since deleted Snapchat and have been happy without it for about 5 years. I have since been in therapy 5 or so years now and have made leaps and bounds in my self esteem and other areas of myself. So I decided that I could indeed get over the issue if it was just flirting and we could move on from it, he deleted his Snapchat account and that was a boundary I needed. I told him I also wanted to see the email for the official deletion. Almost a whole month goes by and we’re talking about things regarding the Snapchat issue and I felt moving forward, I only saw him 3 days a week so I asked if I could write a letter for him to read as I didn’t want every time I saw him to be about how I was hurt or how I was feeling, he agreed and I spent the time I needed on it and eventually gave it to him. We didn’t really talk much about it so I’m most sure if he ever read it. He went up to his family’s cabin this past weekend and things just felt off all weekend, in a collective 3 or so years together I had never been invited up there with him. He tried to take me once but weather was bad and it was never mentioned again. He had shifty service there so it was never a big deal that we wouldn’t talk much, even before he left I had asked if something was wrong or if he was okay a few times and was written off saying he was fine or everything was fine. I let it be over the weekend as that’s not the time or place to try to have a conversation and asked him when he arrived home Sunday if I could see him, I typically saw him Sunday’s, he said he’d let me know and he was tired from the drive. He got home around 4 and around 6 I hadn’t heard and assumed I wasn’t going over, he then claims he fell asleep on the couch and after two hours of no responses I asked if we could talk when he had a minute. When he called the conversation turned into how he never got the email that Snapchat was deleted and he spent all weekend worrying that I was going to break up with him and he was thinking of reasons to say to keep me and then said he started thinking about what reasons where there to fight for the relationship. He told me he didn’t have any decisions made and we needed to talk about the relationship, he wanted to continue this talk Tuesday when I would’ve normally been there again. He lives 10 minutes from me, he proceeded to talk to me normally Monday morning and I was so anxious that when I left work Monday I asked if I could see him to finish the talk. I got there and it felt like it was all his feelings and that he already had his mind made up, he claimed that we didn’t have communication which we have talked about before but it seems that he had not seen the effort I had been trying to put in to fix that as I am introverted and work a people facing job and sometimes want to come home and veg out for a bit. I kept trying to offer ways to work on that and what I could live without in regards to the validation I needed from him and wasn’t getting. He wasn’t willing to even try to give me what I wanted and had his mind made up that he just couldn’t give me the “grand gestures” he knew I wanted, he offered couples therapy after the Snapchat issue and told me that would always be on the table if we had anymore issues, I had asked about therapy for us and he told me it felt like I used that as a jab at him. The whole time he barely looked at me and had no emotion, he hadn’t told me we were breaking up yet and I asked if I could come in for a hug and he said “yeah, we’re not arguing, we’re having a adult conversation”, I laid on him for a bit and he started grabbing and running on my butt which turned him on, I pointed to him and asked if he wanted that, he said “not if it makes things harder” and I sat up and asked if he was breaking up with me and he said “yeah I think so”. Tell me why I still have him a bj, I feel like I may have hoped he would change his mind. When things were over I sat back down and started crying, he wiped off the tears and I asked if this was what he wanted to do and he said no and that it was all much harder because he didn’t want to break up, I recently found out he has another Snapchat account and he claimed to have made it days after we ended. I’m just so confused by it all. This was very much the man I saw myself married to and with children. I feel like Snapchat was more important to him and that there is just something missing here. He claimed that we didn’t know anything deep about each other or under face value but he never wanted us to spend full days together, I only spent Tuesday, Friday and Sunday with him. I work until 5 during the week and Sunday’s I would only be allowed over around 4-5, only a few times did he say I could come earlier and I feel like we never had the option to even have deeper conversation with what time I got there and would sometimes cancel seeing me if he worked later than 4pm because he was too tired. He told he I played the victim when it came to me talking about the flirting and I’m not even sure what that means, I know he’s still clearly upset about my own Snapchat issue from years prior but I don’t even have Snapchat anymore and never put myself in any position to jeopardize the relationship. I guess I’m just looking for unbiased advice here, was this for the best?