u/Fluffy-Concentrate44

FTM to a 7 month old and feeling some immense mum guilt this morning.

I need to hear that I’ve not damaged our bond forever.

I’ve got the flu. To say I feel like crap is an understatement. I normally handle all night wakings and always have, mainly because I mostly feed back to sleep as it’s the easiest way to knock him out. He’ll be “awake” for 5 minutes and mostly transfer back to his crib easily. He normally wakes anywhere from 1-3 times a night, though did sleep through the night last week once for the first time.

He woke just after midnight which is typical for him and I fed him back to sleep so he was back down in under 10 minutes. I was beeegggging for that to be it for the rest of the night as I felt so shit, and every few nights he does manage a long 6-8 hour stretch after this point.

He did not. He was up again at half 3 and I have never felt so much like a zombie in my whole life. I just completely hit a wall. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s 7 months of broken sleep (even if since the sleep regression past - which lasted 10 weeks - I sometimes get a decent stretch many others would dream of), the burden of handling nearly all the parenting because of EBF and maternity leave, on top of feeling really really unwell. But I just couldn’t physically move.

I could hear him escalating and still my instincts didn’t kick in to drag me out of bed. I just couldn’t do it. After a couple minutes it woke my husband up and he asked if everything was okay, and then he went to try and put him back to sleep.

My husband hasn’t put him back to sleep with any consistency since he was about 3-4 months old, so although he did settle in his arms he absolutely would NOT transfer. It was 40 minutes of intermittent screaming and my body just wouldn’t let me go back to sleep (even with headphones) knowing he wasn’t back to sleep yet.

I broke. I shouted to my husband to put him down and leave him. He contested a lot but I begged him saying I just couldn’t bear it anymore. This is where I should have just got up and intervened, fed him back to sleep. Why didn’t I??? My little guy then cried for the next 15 minutes and I just buried my head in my husbands arms waiting it out. Every second felt unnatural but I just couldn’t, and when my husband tried to go back I told him that if he went and got him the cycle would just start again, of rocking to sleep, failed transfer, and we’d just end up back here anyway. Obviously I can’t know if that’s true. I can’t believe I was justifying letting him cry himself to sleep. Once he’d cried for a bit and gone back to sleep he only woke up once more in the night, about 6am but was bending his knees and straining so could tell it was gas, which he worked out in under a minute and went back to sleep on his own, which is quite a typical early morning wake for him.

I feel so upset this morning. Like, broken. Everything I did last night was the wrong thing. He is obviously his normal self this morning. But I feel like I’ve damaged him. I never want him to feel like we won’t come to him when he’s upset, but not only did I refuse to go to him, I stopped my husband too, and justified my actions. I feel so incredibly horrible. I’m still unwell and have barely left the bed this morning, and thankfully my little guy is happily just playing with some toys in bed with me - we’ve forgone breakfast as I just cannot move. But every time I look at him I feel guilt. He’s got some dried snot under his nose from his crying. I feel broken and like I might have broken something in his brain too that I can never repair. Now if he sleeps well tonight, or in the future, if he starts sleeping through the night I’ll wonder if it’s because I left him to cry it out and it’s not that he isn’t waking, it’s that he knows there’s no point calling for me. I’m spiralling

FTM to a 7 month old.

In some ways my baby is quite chill, in other ways he’s an absolute gremlin. Weaning is going terrible because this is one of the things that triggers the latter and I am really, REALLY starting to lose my patience with the same screaming ritual every fucking day.

I spend ages preparing his breakfast for him to barely eat it/ chuck it on the floor/ not really know what to do. Fine, this is part of the process. He lasts maybe 10 minutes in the high chair before he’s done, for whatever reason. Not tired as he’ll only have been awake an hour, maybe bored? Uncomfortable? God knows.

Anyway getting clean after he’s made a mess of everything is a nightmare. Screaming, thrashing, hating every second. Nothing helps - singing, shushing, playing - nothing. Then once we’ve been wiped down we have to get dressed and I swear to god he sounds like I’m torturing him. It triggers the biggest nuclear level meltdown. every. fucking. day.

I am really losing my patience with it. We have the same ritual every day and yet for 6 weeks straight he’s acted like this. I dread every time I have to give him a meal. He’s definitely not ready for 2 meals a day yet and even if he was I’m so triggered by the first meal I don’t even want to attempt another.

Does anyone have words of wisdom for what I can do here?? I’m seriously losing the will to live with this and want to give up.

Appreciate this situation is rather niche for this subreddit but I’m trying my luck!

I’m a first time parent to a 7 month old and will be returning to work in a few months.

I am planning on exclusively breastfeeding for the first year, and possibly a little thereafter. As breastfeeding is the primary source of nutrition for the first year (rather than solids), I’m going to be returning to work whilst still needing my little guy to get his calories from breastmilk.

I just wondered if anyone had any realistic experience about pumping when at work? Employers have to provide clean facilities (not just a toilet) for breastfeeding mothers to pump, as well as a fridge for the pumped milk to be stored - however I have basically no faith in the NHS being able to abide by these workers right and just wanted to hear some realistic stories of what I might expect. I am prepared to push the issue if needed. I am already highly highly stressed and worried at the prospect of returning to work and not being in a position to stay on maternity leave until the 1 year mark (especially given that my baby is a complete bottle refuser so there is a lot of work to be done), and just looking for a bit of solidarity here. Thanks!

FTM to a 7 month old

My sister is getting married and is having her hen do weekend away in a couple of weeks. It’s a big country house about an hours drive away with 13 girls.

The original plan when I accepted and paid for this last year was that my little guy would be taking bottles so I could leave him with his dad for 2 nights. The trip is 3 nights but I didn’t think I’d want to be away for that long.

Well, my exclusively breastfed kid is an absolute bottle refuser so this plan is no longer viable. My sister has told me it’s fine to bring him she has no problem with this. The other sister will be coming with her 8 week old so there will at least be another mother and baby there to make me feel like less of a killjoy.

However I’m really concerned about sleeping arrangements. There are no spare rooms/ bed, we’re at capacity, meaning we’re room sharing. The sis with the newborn will go with grandma as grandma doesn’t mind at all, and the newborn will obviously do what it wants sleep-wise and likely just go to bed when mum goes to bed.

However my 7 month old has a routine and a bedtime. Ive been told we’d be sharing with our SIL which is fine, but I’m worried about the other person in the room waking him up when we go to bed at night. Also worried about his multiple night wakings being a nuisance for her, as well as what happens when he wakes up at 7 and I have to quickly whisk him out of the room to not wake her up and then will be just lingering in a quiet house with him unable to access our stuff for fear of waking up my SIL.

Overall I’m just feeling really put out by the thought of doing this. My sis also made comments about how she’s more than happy for the babies to be there but “it’s also my hen do so we’re going to be treating it as such” after mum made a comment to the effect of “remember there will be babies there”. I feel like I’m putting him through something that will be potentially quite disruptive for him, quite disruptive for others, and also that I probably won’t even enjoy as a result of the above. However mum keeps saying how much of a shame it would be if I “only” came for the day activities and went home after.

What would you guys do? I’m torn as I’ve been looking forward to it and keep being told how “it’s fine please bring him” but realistically the thought of the disruption to his sleep makes me feel less than thrilled.

First time mum to a 7 month old

My sister is getting married and is having her hen do weekend away in a couple of weeks. It’s a big country house about an hours drive away with 13 girls.

The original plan when I accepted and paid for this last year was that my little guy would be taking bottles so I could leave him with his dad for 2 nights. The trip is 3 nights but I didn’t think I’d want to be away for that long.

Well, my exclusively breastfed kid is an absolute bottle refuser so this plan is no longer viable. My sister has told me it’s fine to bring him she has no problem with this. The other sister will be coming with her 8 week old so there will at least be another mother and baby there to make me feel like less of a killjoy.

However I’m really concerned about sleeping arrangements. There are no spare rooms/ bed, we’re at capacity, meaning we’re room sharing. The sis with the newborn will go with grandma as grandma doesn’t mind at all, and the newborn will obviously do what it wants sleep-wise and likely just go to bed when mum goes to bed.

However my 7 month old has a routine and a bedtime. Ive been told we’d be sharing with our SIL which is fine, but I’m worried about the other person in the room waking him up when we go to bed at night. Also worried about his multiple night wakings being a nuisance for her, as well as what happens when he wakes up at 7 and I have to quickly whisk him out of the room to not wake her up and then will be just lingering in a quiet house with him unable to access our stuff for fear of waking up my SIL.

Overall I’m just feeling really put out by the thought of doing this. My sis also made comments about how she’s more than happy for the babies to be there but “it’s also my hen do so we’re going to be treating it as such” after mum made a comment to the effect of “remember there will be babies there”. I feel like I’m putting him through something that will be potentially quite disruptive for him, quite disruptive for others, and also that I probably won’t even enjoy as a result of the above. However mum keeps saying how much of a shame it would be if I “only” came for the day activities and went home after.

What would you guys do? I’m torn as I’ve been looking forward to it and keep being told how “it’s fine please bring him” but realistically the thought of the disruption to his sleep makes me feel less than thrilled.