u/Financial-Leopard946

I tried to ask this in r/therapy but I got deleted.

My husband cheated on me the night before our wedding (almost two years ago) and is finally getting counseling for it- but I pushed for it and said get therapy or else we’re getting divorced. We’ve been together 10 yrs and have a 1, 3, and 8 year old.

Last night he was bothered by my “attitude”, which I am pretty sure was warranted and can go into more detail if necessary, but when I came home from work today everything seemed totally fine. When he got home from therapy tonight he seemed super removed and mad at me, and I asked him if anything was bothering him and told him he was acting weird. He said nothing was wrong and everything was fine, but after an hr I told him he didn’t seem normal and it was really getting to me and he finally said he was still upset about last night. I told him that seemed strange because when I got home from work today we had totally normal conversations and he seemed fine.

Is this normal? I did therapy and I when I left i felt like a weight was lifted of my shoulders and was usually nicer. So I am just confused as to why he came home so angry at me for something that happened yesterday that didn’t seem like a big deal before he went. He was barely talking to me and when i brought it up he said he just didn’t want to get into an argument, but 30 mins before that he was semi-arguing about our dishwasher and our daughters homework.

I totally support him going to therapy, and if he comes home angry at me that’s completely fine- but is this something I should expect? It just confused me because he left and things seemed fine and then when he got home it seemed like he was mad at me.

Also our argument yesterday was about him getting off of work early (2pm) and going to a bar with a friend (which I’m totally fine with) but I asked him to get our girls dinner because usually his dad just get McDonald’s on Wednesday’s because our oldest has dance 5-8. Mt husband ended up just ordering chicken tenders and fries at the bar he was at- I prob should’ve been more clear about getting them a healthy dinner. He also had his dad pick our daughter up from dance instead of him, and she was watching YouTube when she got home. I don’t have a problem with my kids watching YouTube, but I have made it clear multiple times that they can’t watch it in the car- maybe I’m nuts but I think kids need to learn to be bored and the car is the perfect time. Also if they can’t survive a 7-20 minute ride without YouTube we have a bigger issue. Then once she got home (at 8:30pm and we try and get her to bed by 9) I asked about homework and she said it wasn’t done- which I was pretty pissed about since my husband was done work at 2. So yes, I was annoyed and got an attitude.

My husband cheated on me the night before our wedding (almost two years ago) and is finally getting counseling for it- but I pushed for it and said get therapy or else we’re getting divorced. We’ve been together 10 yrs and have a 1, 3, and 8 year old.

Last night he was bothered by my “attitude”, which I am pretty sure was warranted and can go into more detail if necessary, but when I came home from work today everything seemed totally fine. When he got home from therapy tonight he seemed super removed and mad at me, and I asked him if anything was bothering him and told him he was acting weird. He said nothing was wrong and everything was fine, but after an hr I told him he didn’t seem normal and it was really getting to me and he finally said he was still upset about last night. I told him that seemed strange because when I got home from work today we had totally normal conversations and he seemed fine.

Is this normal? I did therapy and I when I left i felt like a weight was lifted of my shoulders and was usually nicer. So I am just confused as to why he came home so angry at me for something that happened yesterday that didn’t seem like a big deal before he went. He was barely talking to me and when i brought it up he said he just didn’t want to get into an argument, but 30 mins before that he was semi-arguing about our dishwasher and our daughters homework.

I totally support him going to therapy, and if he comes home angry at me that’s completely fine- but is this something I should expect? It just confused me because he left and things seemed fine and then when he got home it seemed like he was mad at me.

TLDR: dance is costing us $8k a year and my daughter wants to go down a level just to be with a friend and said she might consider not dancing at all if she isn’t on her friends team. She absolutely loves dance and we don’t want to tell her no, but also the price is ridiculous for her to not be improving so we don’t know what to do

My 8 year old dances competitively, and this year it cost us close to $8,000. Next year she wants to do even more competition dances, which will cost more but we are totally fine with because she truly loves it. We are middle class and have two other kids, so $8k is a pretty significant amount of money to us.

We were told next year she will move to a higher team, but she said she only wants to do it if her friend (that I know isn’t moving up) is with her. When she was on the younger team two years ago it honestly seemed like more of a hobby where kids were trying to have fun, and not somewhere student were trying to improve their skills, and her dance teacher agreed with this. My husband and her teacher both mentioned it was more of a babysitting hr where the kids just wanted to have fun rather than dance.

She loves dance and I am all for paying and supporting her, but if she’s in a class where the teacher is going to be spending most of her time trying to get younger kids to focus, I just don’t want to be shelling out $8-10k a year for her to not improve and most likely backtrack . I told my daughter she can choose to not compete, or compete in one dance instead of five and just take a few non-competitive classes, or we can even switch studios if she doesn’t feel like she’s making enough friends.

I talked to her about having to make a tough decision, and how we might not always be with our friends if it’s something we really want to do. I told her she doesn’t need to compete if she doesn’t want to, but at this point she is dead set on competing in just as many classes at the lower level. And honestly, I don’t want to pay so much money if she isn’t going to get any better, and the team she would be on is worse than her current one this year .

I am all for spending money on supporting her passions, but am conflicted spending that much money to have her on a lower team, because I feel like if it was really her passion she wouldn’t care about who was on the team. But I also don’t want to be like “no you can’t dance as much competitively because it’s too expensive” and make her feel like her interests aren’t worth a certain amount of money.

Has anyone gone thru something like this or does anyone have any advice?