u/Fifisowner

why do people act like it suddenly becomes okay depending on the situation or who’s doing it? What confuses me is how some people will do things themselves that they would never tolerate if their own partner did it. They’ll casually hug, shake hands, get close with female friends or colleagues, whether they’re married or not, and brush it off like it’s nothing. If you question it, they say oh it’s fine, they don’t know our culture, don’t make it awkward. But if the same exact thing was done by their spouse, would they still be this calm & understanding? Let’s be honest, most of them wouldn’t. I’m not sayin everyone is like this, but there are definitely men who think it’s acceptable just because they’re men. That double standard is what doesn’t sit right. Also, why do people pick & choose when somethin is haram? If it’s wrong, it’s wrong. It doesn’t suddenly become okay just bcoz the other person is Muslim or coz it feels harmless. Haram is haram, it’s not supposed to be this flexible thing that changes based on convenience. I’m not attacking anyone, I’m just genuinely tryin to understand why people twist things like this and then get defensive when it’s pointed out.

Well, lately I’ve been seeing so many Reddit threads and Instagram comments & honestly it’s getting annoying. Men openly talk about their preferences all the time like they want someone fit, not overweight, certain looks, whatever and nobody really questions it. But the second a woman says she prefers someone tall or financially stable or someone who can provide a lifestyle similar to what she grew up with, suddenly everyone loses their mind. Then the har@m police shows up from nowhere acting like she committed a crime just for having standards. And what’s worse is that sometimes it’s other women jumping in and attacking her too. Like why are we doing this to each other? Islam doesn’t force anyone to marry someone they’re not attracted to or comfortable with. Preferences are normal. Both men and women are allowed to have them. So why is it only a problem when women say it out loud? The hypocrisy is actually exhausting. People act like women should just accept anything without question but men can have a whole checklist and it’s completely fine. At the end of the day, everyone has the right to choose what they want in a partner without being shamed for it.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve reached that point in life where marriage is no longer something distant. My parents have started talking about it more seriously, n honestly, I do see their point. I want to get married too. But at the same time, there is this fear in me that I cannot really explain or get rid of. I have been making dua regularly, asking Allah to bless me with a righteous and kind spouse. Along with that, I am tryin to improve myself, my deen, and my overall character because I want to be ready for something like this, not just hope for it. There is also another issue that has been creating some tension at home. I mentioned to my parents that I am open to marrying someone from a different ethnicity. They are quite worried about it and feel that it is risky since we may not fully understand people from different backgrounds. I do get where they are coming from, because even within the same culture you can never completely know someone. But I also believe that it is not something impossible. What makes this whole situation more confusing is that I really do not want to go through pointless talking stages or invest time in people who are not serious. It feels exhausting and I do not know how others manage this without getting emotionally affected. Rn, I just feel stuck between wanting to get married, being afraid of it, trying to trust Allah’s plan, and not really knowing what the best way forward is.

I feel like I’m at that stage in life where marriage is becoming real and not just something in the future. My parents have started bringing it up seriously, and a part of me agrees with them. I do want to get married. But at the same time, I feel scared and I do not fully understand why I feel this way or how to shake it off. I have been making dua consistently, asking Allah to bless me with a pious and loving husband. I am also trying to work on myself, my deen, my character, and becoming a better person overall. I want to be ready, not just expect the right person to appear. One thing that has been causing tension is that I told my parents I am open to marrying someone from a different ethnicity. They are worried and keep saying that we do not really know people from different backgrounds and it is risky. I understand their concern to some extent, because even within the same culture you never truly know someone. But at the same time, I do not think it is impossible for such marriages to work. Another thing that makes this harder is that I do not want to get into meaningless talking stages or waste time with people who are not serious. It feels draining and confusing, and I do not know how people navigate this without getting attached or disappointed. I guess I am just stuck between wanting marriage, fearing it, trying to trust Allah’s plan, and not knowing what the right approach is.

How are you sure if he’s the one? Idk what to say coz I’ve been doing istikhara and asking for forgiveness. As I’ve been talking to a person with the intentions of getting married. We’ve kept talking n the person says he loves me and wanna get married but he’s asking me a year to wait before he can talk to my family. My parents have started looking for potentials. I have no clarity and I cannot wait for a MAYBE situation. Should I move on or wait? I’m planing to stop talking soon. How am I suppose to come up with clarity?