AM I TO MUCH or ? - PLEASE HELP M28 and F30
HERE IS THE SITUATION:
ME (M28) WITH HER (F30)
**- The Before (8-year relationship)**
Long-term, committed relationship (8 years)
were emotionally invested and stable in the dynamic
Relationship ended with a breach of trust involving another guy (Maxime)
This created a lasting sensitivity and unresolved impact
**-Immediately After the Breakup**
She entered a new relationship with him within \~10 days
This was likely a rebound dynamic (fast attachment, emotional carryover, all over Instagram)
That relationship lasted around 6 months, then ended
**- Reconnection Phase (8 months)**
I and her reconnected and started seeing each other again
Medium level of:
proximity (frequent time together)
emotional connection
physical intimacy (sleeping together, etc.), seeing each other 3-4 time a week.
BUT:
No clear commitment or defined relationship
She maintains a broad social openness
She follows multiple ex-partners on social media
Dynamic:
Feels like a relationship
Functions like a situationship (no structure, no boundaries)
# HERE IS WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP.
**- Current Situation**
**Her lifestyle:**
Goes out regularly (weekly) to raves/events
Attends with a close friend who is best friends with maxime.
MAX is still within her social environment… and i know for a fact he will be there with them…
**Her position:**
“I won’t stop going out or change my lifestyle”
“I’m not in bad terms with anyone” (including other ex)
Prioritizes freedom over adjustment or compréhension for my feeling.
**Communication pattern !!!!!!!!!\*\*\*\*\*\*:**
Minimizes or omits his presence initially ( i asked her who she was with at the rave, she answered her brother and friend, i confronted her with max, and she started a story that her friend invited him, and i won’t stop going to place even if he is there) but she didn’t tell me initially.
Avoids direct answers when confronted
Shifts conversations toward:
My reaction
My “control”
her feeling “watched” or “suffocated”
**- Core Issues in the Current Dynamic**
**1. Transparency gap**
Information is partial, delayed, or minimized
**2. Avoidance**
Direct questions → indirect or emotional responses
**3. Social overlap with ex**
Continued proximity to someone tied to past betrayal… how can I know what will happen if there are texting or more…?
**4. Value misalignment**
Me: clarity, emotional safety, consistency… I put a boundarie
Her: freedom, openness, fluid boundaries
**5. Relationship structure mismatch**
High intimacy (before this conversation of me confronting her about max, she wanted to see me everyday !!!)
No real commitment
No aligned expectations
**6. Emotional impact on me**
Loss of trust
Mental over-analysis
Emotional withdrawal
Decrease in desire