For context, I'm (F34) and my boyfriend (M37) who we'll call "David" have been dating just under a decade.
He has a history of becoming aggressive when he's angry: he's punched holes in walls, smashed his belongings, and more commonly slaps/bangs furniture. It's been an on-going issue since we started dating and is something that I encouraged him to go to therapy for. Which he has been and his outbursts are maybe once every two months. He mostly just hits furniture and yells profanities. He hasn't punched a hole in the wall for years.
Today, while he was playing a video game he banged his desk rlly loud and yelled, "fuck!", which scared me and my dogs. I approached him and suggested he take a break/breather and to regulate himself cause it scared us. He dismissed me in the moment and continued playing for a few hours. I cried afterwards and felt disrespected.
I attempted to have a conversation with him several hours later. When I brought up how I was feeling, he told me that when he's angry, "it doesn't matter who's around I don't care about anyone in that moment" (including not caring for any collateral emotional hurt he may cause ppl when he's aggressive). And that's why he says hurtful things and dismisses my concerns over his behavior, when he's angry. He said I was dismissing his feelings instead, and saying I'm not allowing him to be angry.
I always tell him, including this time, that he's obviously allowed to be angry I just don't like when he's aggressive.
Tldr: AIO for feeling concerned/disrespected when he's angry and doesn't care if his aggressive behaviours hurt me?