Apologies, this is my first post. So I shall try get it right. Myself (37F) and my friend (33F) let’s call her Aurora. Have been friends and coworkers for 5 years. It’s a small company, so we both have been part of its growth and worn many hats.
A year or so ago Aurora got a sort of promotion. Basically more work, an added title and a tiny bit more money. Not directly over me at all. She had been around a bit longer than me so it made sense in my brain that the “promotion” went to her. I was genuinely happy for her. More so because Aurora seemed so excited and proud.
Unfortunately it quickly became apparent that this “advancement” went straight to her head. She started acting in charge or everything. Inserting herself in convos on slack that had nothing to do with her. Trying to boss around ppl that were not under her. Bragging about all her meeting etc.
While this was annoying, I really didn’t get upset about it. If Aurora wanted to act like a big fish in a small pond, go for it girl. Wasn’t affecting my day.
Until I found out she was stealing my ideas and passing them off as hers.
When we first started working there we were entirely equals. So we shared info, helped each other with training, complained together etc. So brainstorming together was pretty normal. We would help each other problem solve. Ever since Aurora’s “promotion” she had been taking those brainstorming ideas and bringing them to the office. Then making big posts about them on slack for everyone to see.
Even another co worker, let’s call her Jessica, noticed and mentioned it to me. Jessica and I are sorta friends. Working on a personal relationship and Aurora hated, and I mean hated it. She would talk terrible trash and vial hatred behind Jessica’s back. Not sure why. But I always have been warned, if they will talk about others, they will talk about you. So I kept all of this filed in my brain.
The ideas were small things. Never any major red flags. And honestly, I didn’t care too much about the idea stealing. It’s a small company, it’s very physical so not a long term career. Most ppl are there while in school or cuz their kids are small and they want easy hrs. So to me, if her self esteem is so bad she needed to take ideas to feel important, go for it sister. Ive also noticed her hiding information or lying about projects or random things at work. And just to be clear, there is no other obvious promotion available right now. All the top spots are filled so she isn’t “fighting” me for anything.
I am also in school for about 1.5yrs. Which is also why I don’t give a hoot about being a top dog at a tiny show. But this is another area I have noticed Aurora’s not so friend like behaviour. She does not want to talk about my school at all. I will bring up a project Im working on or a test I do well. And I get the bare minimum response. Barely a congrats or any kind of feedback good or bad.
Ive even called it out multiple times saying something like thank you so much for asking about my school… when she didn’t. In response I would get a half hearted excuse and maybe one line of encouragement then back to the Aurora show.
One time when she was tipsy she admitted she was jealous of my being in school and she wasn’t. Not for the subject I am in. Just me doing something to advance my life. In response I encouraged her to look into programs and student funding. Which went no where. Ok then.
As I have eluded, our job is not that greatest. It pays the bills but nothing that can sustain long term or build a real life with. A couple months ago someone Aurora knew offered to send both of our resumes to a high paying company. Aurora would not shut up about it for weeks. I got my resume all ready and asked when she wanted it. Silence. Her kinda saying oh it didn’t pan out. Then, suddenly, she has an interview. And of course, she couldn’t help herself from bragging about it. After talking to them about it, Aurora decided it wasn’t a good fit. But did she give them my resume? Nope. Did she ask if I wanted it? Nope. Just carried on like nothing happened.
Now since her and I don’t make alot of money we both look for deals on food saver apps etc. And if one of us finds something amazing in a large quantity we share… or we used to. Lately its always me sharing. Always me giving. And I don’t even get a blanking thank you. Just takes it and keeps talking about whatever she wants to talk about.
If I didn’t already make it clear, there is also a theme of the Aurora show being on 24/7. If it isn’t about her she will leave me on read for sometimes days till enough time has passed for her to go back to talking about her. To the point I have had to tell her it’s not a friendship if only one person is being validated and heard.
Now before we judge her completely, Aurora does have some good moments.
She helped me move and clean after.
We have alot of deep conversations about shared interests.
If I called her upset she always answers and will discuss whatever I need to vent about.
When we are hanging out and there is no work or “competition” it’s lovely.
I say competition sarcastically because I believe we all have a different path and one person having something doesn’t take away from anyone else. And I support women. I am in competition with no one but me.
So, am I just being overly sensitive? Or is she not a friend?