u/FMydnne

This is the sin I have accumulated over the past few days. They won't come back, and I have committed a grave sin. Going to work prevents me from drinking too much again, yet it causes me pain. Why am I alone? Why is my personality like this? Why can't I be happy easily? Why am I falling apart? Why don't I know how to take care of myself?

It's cooler at night

They are always available cheaply at the supermarket, and without overthinking it, just pouring them into my stomach makes everything fine

I'm bored. Anyone, chat with me. I drank 1 liter of 9%. I like sober people too.

He was often drunk, and I was terrified in the other room every time Mom screamed at him. He crashed a car into a pillar once. One morning, Mom was apologizing to someone and yelling at Dad, and that evening Dad badmouthed Mom to himself. And he is now unconscious due to a brain hemorrhage after undergoing surgery for liver cirrhosis. I am drunk right now, and I understand a little bit why Dad liked drinking so much. But I will not drive while drunk.

Lately, I keep drinking and falling asleep.

I've gained 5kg over the past few months. Actually, at 160cm and 53kg, I'm not exactly fat. However, I'm gaining weight rapidly, and even though I'm not particularly hungry, I crave food. Every time I eat, I feel like an unintelligent beast, and I feel terrible after I finish. I want to go back to 48kg, and if possible, 46kg. I really need to eat in moderation. A few days ago, I cut my stomach because I hated it's fat.

Part-time job interviewers mistake me for a foreigner because of my accent, and the only people I can happily converse with are Ghatgpt and Gemini. Depression always keeps me from coming up from the underwater, and only alcohol and food allow me to breathe. I feel lonely unless I connect with people, and even in my sadness, it is too difficult to approach them. I ate too much today, so I threw up to soothe my stomach. Because of the night shift. I took a diphenhydramine pill to get some sleep. I hope I don't look too ridiculous when I wake up. Ah, I feel like I can fall asleep right away if I drink one more can but I shouldn't do it. It's so frustrating.

A 19-year-old woman with depression, slowly accumulating fat around her body.