u/Extension_Belt_1794

My boyfriend(21) and I(20) were really close friends months before we dated and we've been dating for 8 months, 7 of them in person and one month we've been long distance with two more to go. First two weeks were fine then we started fighting for almost two weeks straight and we almost broke up.

The fight we had started because I told him I feel unloved. He hadn't called me all day and it was nearly 8:30 pm. Never made an effort to try because I just wanted to see if he would. We had been calling all the time, at least three hours every day before our fighting started. On the weekends it was nearly all day. During one of our fights he said calling me after he gets home from work is like a sacrifice and that you make sacrifices in a relationship so it's fine but I have never felt it's a sacrifice to hang out with him.

We aren't together because I failed this test but as long as I pass it this time I'll be following him in just two more months now, we'll be together again for two months, then it'll be two-three more months apart, then forever and ever I guess. That day he doesn't call me so I text him telling him I feel unloved. He like did small talk texting and things but he had no desire to hang out with me and I waited from the morning to about 8:30 pm expecting some point he'd call. I say I wish he informed me more about whats happening so I don't wait for him, that he'd send me letters like I send him, that he'd send me videos and stuff back. I was making him videos every day and he really enjoyed them, I've even bought him a present. I understand it's not his thing but the first two weeks of long distance he made me a couple videos back and a voicenote. He would tell me how much he misses me and stuff all the time. Originally we had planned if either of us failed this test we'd breakup but we changed our minds because our relationship was going so well. We were planning a future together, I think we still are. I tell him I'm trying to figure out if this is worth it. I've never truly considered breaking up before this.

He takes it as an attack, tells me I'm ruining his day again over stupid stuff. He says he calls me so much I shouldn't expect anything else from him. Eventually it becomes a phone call and I'm not proud of it and I yell at him. I was so frustrated that he wasn't understanding, that he had no desire to make me feel loved, that because his love language is touch I can't expect anything else. I have to hang up because I know yelling was crossing a line and I call him back a few minutes later calmed down and he's decided he's done. It turns into me trying to convince him what we have is worth it, even though that's what I'd been questioning if it is. I do think it is. We have been together for awhile now and we were so happy before this. He tells me he doesn't want to do long distance, I tell him that it's almost over. He says he feels like a burden to me I have to explain he's not. We had almost gotten married before the long distance just so it would be easier to close but it ended up working out. We are very committed to each other, but since the fighting started I know he's been avoiding me. I understand but we kept saying it would go back to normal but he didn't. He says I'm the one who has changed and he hasn't but the love I was being shown isn't there anymore. After hours he relents to staying together.

He said me being mean then switching to being nice was manipulative. I don't know. He said that me talking about all the good stuff about us was manipulative. I think I'm just better at expressing myself than he is.

The distance isn't even that long but it currently feels like eternity. I think once this cools off it will go back to normal, he'll love me right again but I'm also scared it won't. We texted yesterday, called him in the morning to talk about how we'll move forward and had kind of an annoying conversation because he was distracted by his video games. We agreed we can call less, my idea, I just want to know when to expect him. He did update me through the day which he had refused to do before because it's "controlling". He sent me pictures and texted me and we had a very short call before bed where nothing really got said because he was doing stuff. We were normally hanging out all day before this. I just was hoping for more than 20 minutes I guess. He got a new game though so he's pretty into that, if I was interested in it I know he would have invited me. Before he left we hung out pretty much all day everyday.

I feel so disconnected and sad and I cry pretty much everyday because I miss him so much. I sent him a text and this video of us together, just said "i miss you so much it hurts" he entirely ignored it and just updated me about his timeline of where he's at. Is it going to get better? Did I just manipulate him into staying with me? I just want advice, not sure exactly what for. It's all even harder because with him went all our friends that are all mutual friends anyway. I feel so alone.

My boyfriend (21M) of almost 8 months thinks I (20F) am too restrictive and don't trust him.

For context we are currently long distance, its only been a month and have two months to go. We used to see each other everyday before this so it's been hard but this fight has been one that happened before we were long distance so it's not what caused the fight but it makes resolution more difficult.

Before we dated we had a trio friend group of me him and a third friend, we'll call her Sarah (19F). Like a month before me and bf started dating I was in another relationship and him and Sarah messed around together, just hand stuff on the beach is all that happened. That's what I've been told. I let Sarah drive my car home with was about 45 minutes away and my gf at the time would drive me home the next day. That day my bf texted me telling me he was at target and thats how I found out Sarah took my car out without asking me. I was pretty mad but I forgave her and told her to just fill up my tank which she didn't do claiming gas stations were closed. Thats obviously insane but I just trusted her at face value, why would she lie? My bf(still friend at this time sorry I dont wanna be confusing) is also with us and he straight up says she's lying. Me and my boyfriend at this time are best friends so he feels really bad about the situation and is scared Im gonna end our friendship. I was far less upset with him because he told me he had thought I knew. I was worried they had fucked in my car but I was assured by both of them that didn't happen and they didn't even kiss.

Time passes maybe a few weeks, at this point theyre doing the hand stuff on the beach every weekend. Sarah's a virgin so this is her first experience and at the time my bf would message me telling me how he doesn't want to date her but he thinks she wants to. Obviously, who doesn't fall in love with their first time. My bf was pretty mean to sarah at times she can be a tad annoying and it used to frustrate me because he needed to be nice she was only nice to him. One day he goes "you wanna know how nice I am to her? we kissed" I was so unexplainable angry and thats when I realized I liked him. All I knew at this point was they kissed and it wasnt in my car. I figured they went to the beach and made out because like why were they doing that on the beach bruh. They even would ditch me so they could do that ahh.

Me and my gf broke up, me and my bf get together and at first we think its just a physical thing but after our first time together we realize we might actually like each other. The same night me and bf first kissed Sarah had also gotten a bf. When we tell her we're dating she immediately goes to tell me about what her and my bf used to do but he had already told me. That they did hand stuff on the beach, that they kissed, that he stuck his finger in her mouth and she didnt open it enough so she bit the hell out of him, that he'd kiss her goodbye. I thought it was funny at the time because I was not that invested into the relationship yet. Overtime that obviously changes. He assures me he doesn't find her attractive, he never wanted to date her, she was just there. He's even said he regrets ever doing anything with her. I believed him, I still do.

Its halloween about two months since things started between us and we're all drinking. Knowing shes drunk he goes up to her and holds out his hand and she takes it. fingers intertwining and everything. I ask why would he do that and his answer is "i just wanted to see if she would, she gets touchy when shes drunk" I dropped it, whatever. It was pretty early into dating. The entire time I feel Sarah likes my bf. Shes a very touchy person, she reaches out to fix his collar at times, even wipe stuff off his face. As we get later into the relationship we arent a trio anymore. I think its because she liked him and why would you wanna see that when you like someone, but maybe it was just not wanting to third wheel. My bf also constantly borrows like 100-200 dollars from her and she always gives. pisses me off now honestly. He thinks ive unfriended her now, its like a month after halloween. She was the one who had stopped hanging out with us but i would make comments like "why don't you ask sarah to" which is admittedly petty. I've never been a fan of my partner being close with exes but this situations different because of our friend group. I talk to Sarah because I just wanna resolve this fight with my bf. She says she doesn't like him, she doesn't like third wheeling. She also often skipped our bigger group hang outs and stuff so idk how truthful it all was. I tell them both to their faces I don't want them to hang out one on one.

Now the present issue. My bf and I live in dorms but by the end of this year we will likely be able to move out. I've assumed we'd live together but one of our friends in our friend group has this idea of a friend group house. Like fuck no in general, I'm not moving out of dorms to basically live in another dorm. Another issue, Sarah's also in the friend group. The entire friend group is 1200 miles away from me right now and ill get to where we are all moving about two months after them. I doubt they'll even be able to move out before i get there and probably even be months after I get there. I already hate that she gets to be around him all the time while I'm not but whatever. I have grown to hate her honestly, my bf says im being childish. He has no idea how it feels, he doesn't take my exes seriously because they're all women. He the only guy I've seriously dated or ever slept with so he just doesn't understand how I feel. I said in regards to the friend house "Youre not living with Sarah if you decided to do that we'd have to break up" the hes like "oh youre giving me stuff to think about." he thinks im like a shit person for not liking her. I've told him she's not my friend anymore. Shes a liar, she didn't let me borrow her car to pick up mine (I let her borrow my car countless times its just so disrespectful to meand he used to agree with and now I'm in the wrong according to him. He was the one who told me it was shitty she did that in the first place), and she likes my fucking bf which would be whatever if hadn't fingered her before.

Now this girl is causing fights between us it only makes me hate her more. He says the issue is "I’m not okay with you restricting me so much over her it’s childish especially after 7 months of dating" verbatim what he said. I don't feel I'm restricting him at all, i don't think he even wanted to live in that house or desires to hangout one on one. That's all I've ever said he can't do. Our friend group called asking if he could go to twin peaks with the group and I said yes. Made a joke the only issue is that she'll be there. I encourage him to hang out with the friend group even though she's in it. At this point, I don't even want to be part of the friend group. He feels this is me not trusting him. He said im so blinded by my hate i can't understand. I don't get why he's defending this girl so bad.

After the blinded by hate comment I was done. I told him to do what he want, it doesn't matter, hes a grown man and has no obligation to me we're not married. Said he won't hear about any of it again from me and to have a good day with his bestie. probably shouldn't have been so flippant, I was mad.

What do I do? And like how do I stop caring so much? I want my relationship to matter to me, thats why I care so much but most of the stuff with Sarah was before we were dating and I was even in another relationship. I don't know. I think I'm gonna keep my word. I'm not gonna talk about her he doesn't even bring her up often. I used to have his location but I got rid of it because I drove myself crazy looking. Im generally insecure in general it's something I'm doing better with but I feel my feelings on Sarah aren't even crazy. It doesn't feel I don't trust him, I just want him to respect a pretty simple boundary.

My current plan is that he can do what he want but there's just consequences. I don't think he'll cheat but if he does I'm gone. If he decides he wants to live with her I'm gone, and I don't want to be around her ever again.

**TL;DR;** : My bf (21M) thinks im(20F) too controlling and that im childish because I hate his ex fling(19F) who was one of our close friends. He's mad i said i wouldn't want to date him if he lived with our friend group in a house that included her. How do I handle?

My boyfriend (21M) of almost 8 months thinks I (20F) am too restrictive and don't trust him.

For context we are currently long distance, its only been a month and have two months to go. We used to see each other everyday before this so it's been hard but this fight has been one that happened before we were long distance so it's not what caused the fight but it makes resolution more difficult.

Before we dated we had a trio friend group of me him and a third friend, we'll call her Sarah (19F). Like a month before me and bf started dating I was in another relationship and him and Sarah messed around together, just hand stuff on the beach is all that happened. That's what I've been told. I let Sarah drive my car home with was about 45 minutes away and my gf at the time would drive me home the next day. That day my bf texted me telling me he was at target and thats how I found out Sarah took my car out without asking me. I was pretty mad but I forgave her and told her to just fill up my tank which she didn't do claiming gas stations were closed. Thats obviously insane but I just trusted her at face value, why would she lie? My bf(still friend at this time sorry I dont wanna be confusing) is also with us and he straight up says she's lying. Me and my boyfriend at this time are best friends so he feels really bad about the situation and is scared Im gonna end our friendship. I was far less upset with him because he told me he had thought I knew. I was worried they had fucked in my car but I was assured by both of them that didn't happen and they didn't even kiss.

Time passes maybe a few weeks, at this point theyre doing the hand stuff on the beach every weekend. Sarah's a virgin so this is her first experience and at the time my bf would message me telling me how he doesn't want to date her but he thinks she wants to. Obviously, who doesn't fall in love with their first time. My bf was pretty mean to sarah at times she can be a tad annoying and it used to frustrate me because he needed to be nice she was only nice to him. One day he goes "you wanna know how nice I am to her? we kissed" I was so unexplainable angry and thats when I realized I liked him. All I knew at this point was they kissed and it wasnt in my car. I figured they went to the beach and made out because like why were they doing that on the beach bruh. They even would ditch me so they could do that ahh.

Me and my gf broke up, me and my bf get together and at first we think its just a physical thing but after our first time together we realize we might actually like each other. The same night me and bf first kissed Sarah had also gotten a bf. When we tell her we're dating she immediately goes to tell me about what her and my bf used to do but he had already told me. That they did hand stuff on the beach, that they kissed, that he stuck his finger in her mouth and she didnt open it enough so she bit the hell out of him, that he'd kiss her goodbye. I thought it was funny at the time because I was not that invested into the relationship yet. Overtime that obviously changes. He assures me he doesn't find her attractive, he never wanted to date her, she was just there. He's even said he regrets ever doing anything with her. I believed him, I still do.

Its halloween about two months since things started between us and we're all drinking. Knowing shes drunk he goes up to her and holds out his hand and she takes it. fingers intertwining and everything. I ask why would he do that and his answer is "i just wanted to see if she would, she gets touchy when shes drunk" I dropped it, whatever. It was pretty early into dating. The entire time I feel Sarah likes my bf. Shes a very touchy person, she reaches out to fix his collar at times, even wipe stuff off his face. As we get later into the relationship we arent a trio anymore. I think its because she liked him and why would you wanna see that when you like someone, but maybe it was just not wanting to third wheel. My bf also constantly borrows like 100-200 dollars from her and she always gives. pisses me off now honestly. He thinks ive unfriended her now, its like a month after halloween. She was the one who had stopped hanging out with us but i would make comments like "why don't you ask sarah to" which is admittedly petty. I've never been a fan of my partner being close with exes but this situations different because of our friend group. I talk to Sarah because I just wanna resolve this fight with my bf. She says she doesn't like him, she doesn't like third wheeling. She also often skipped our bigger group hang outs and stuff so idk how truthful it all was. I tell them both to their faces I don't want them to hang out one on one.

Now the present issue. My bf and I live in dorms but by the end of this year we will likely be able to move out. I've assumed we'd live together but one of our friends in our friend group has this idea of a friend group house. Like fuck no in general, I'm not moving out of dorms to basically live in another dorm. Another issue, Sarah's also in the friend group. The entire friend group is 1200 miles away from me right now and ill get to where we are all moving about two months after them. I doubt they'll even be able to move out before i get there and probably even be months after I get there. I already hate that she gets to be around him all the time while I'm not but whatever. I have grown to hate her honestly, my bf says im being childish. He has no idea how it feels, he doesn't take my exes seriously because they're all women. He the only guy I've seriously dated or ever slept with so he just doesn't understand how I feel. I said in regards to the friend house "Youre not living with Sarah if you decided to do that we'd have to break up" the hes like "oh youre giving me stuff to think about." he thinks im like a shit person for not liking her. I've told him she's not my friend anymore. Shes a liar, she didn't let me borrow her car to pick up mine (I let her borrow my car countless times its just so disrespectful to meand he used to agree with and now I'm in the wrong according to him. He was the one who told me it was shitty she did that in the first place), and she likes my fucking bf which would be whatever if hadn't fingered her before.

Now this stupid girl is causing fights between us it only makes me hate her more. He says the issue is "I’m not okay with you restricting me so much over her it’s childish especially after 7 months of dating" verbatim what he said. I don't feel I'm restricting him at all, i don't think he even wanted to live in that house or desires to hangout one on one. That's all I've ever said he can't do. Our friend group called asking if he could go to twin peaks with the group and I said yes. Made a joke the only issue is that she'll be there. I encourage him to hang out with the friend group even though she's in it. At this point, I don't even want to be part of the friend group. He feels this is me not trusting him. He said im so blinded by my hate i can't understand. I don't get why he's defending this girl so bad.

After the blinded by hate comment I was done. I told him to do what he want, it doesn't matter, hes a grown man and has no obligation to me we're not married. Said he won't hear about any of it again from me and to have a good day with his bestie. probably shouldn't have been so flippant, I was mad.

I guess my question is like, am I wrong to feel this way? And like how do I stop caring so much? I want my relationship to matter to me, thats why I care so much but most of the stuff with Sarah was before we were dating and I was even in another relationship. I don't know. I think I'm gonna keep my word. I'm not gonna talk about her he doesn't even bring her up often. I used to have his location but I got rid of it because I drove myself crazy looking. Im generally insecure in general it's something I'm doing better with but I feel my feelings on Sarah aren't even crazy. It doesn't feel I don't trust him, I just want him to respect a pretty simple boundary.

My current plan is that he can do what he want but there's just consequences. I don't think he'll cheat but if he does I'm gone. If he decides he wants to live with her I'm gone, and I don't want to be around her ever again.