I want to relapse so bad and I don’t even care
I don’t even care if I sh to be honest. Whenever I’m clean for a while that’s just bc I didn’t want to not because I was trying to avoid it. I’m 21 and I’ve been doing this for about 8 years and I’ve given up trying to stop myself because I know it’s futile. Have had to get stitches twice (though I could’ve used them much more) and go to the psych hospital 11 times. I’ve been feeling good lately because I’m doing Spravato (Ketamine therapy) and taking my meds but something happened with my gf tonight, she really hurt my feelings and I feel so low and depressed. I’m 25 days clean but I’m probably going to ruin it. I’m so disgusting and gross I don’t want her to ever look at me again. I’m having self harm intrusive thoughts (I have OCD) and they’re so hard to ignore. I just want to do it. Thank you if you read this