u/ExoticBunch6879

My boyfriend and I are about to move in together, and I think we’re both a little stressed about the transition. Lately we also haven’t been having as much sex, which has been making me anxious because intimacy is really important to me in relationships.

We’ve never had this issue before and our sex was very natural and great but recently I’ve brought it up and we talked about it a few times, and he told me he thinks part of the issue is that he’s more into submissive dynamics sexually and likes when his partner is more assertive/dominant. He said because he’s already stressed mentally, when I try to repeatedly kiss on him or kinda softly ease into things while trying to get him in the mood, it can sometimes have the opposite effect and make things feel more pressured instead of naturally turning him on. He said he’s more attracted to confidence/directness and likes when someone just goes after what they want more.

The thing is, I’ve mostly only had very vanilla relationships before, so being more dominant/assertive is pretty new to me. I’m open to trying because I do care about him and I don’t necessarily dislike the idea, but I also can’t tell if this is a normal compatibility adjustment or if I should see it as some kind of red flag.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of dynamic shift in a relationship? Especially gay couples moving in together/stress affecting intimacy? And for people who are more naturally submissive, what actually makes you feel desired or turned on by a partner?

My boyfriend and I are getting ready to move in together soon, and lately I’ve been struggling emotionally with where our relationship is at sexually/intimately. For context, about 2 months ago we almost broke up because he was worried he was “holding me back” and had a lot of anxiety surrounding the relationship. It’s his first real relationship, so I tried to be understanding and patient through all of that. At one point, he also told me he wanted to do more stuff sexually because he felt like all the times we had done things before weren’t always fully enjoyable for him, which honestly stuck with me mentally. Fast forward to now, we recently had another conversation because I’ve been feeling like our sexual chemistry is really low lately. He says he’s under an extreme amount of stress about moving, life, everything, and that he genuinely “can’t think about anything else” right now. He’s reassured me multiple times that he still loves me, is sexually attracted to me, wants to move in together, etc. and I do believe he’s being honest. But at the same time, I’m stressed too, and I still naturally want intimacy and closeness with my partner. I feel confused because I don’t know if this is just a temporary stress-related thing or if stress can genuinely affect someone’s sex drive that heavily. I think what’s hurting me most is that I don’t want intimacy to feel forced, scheduled, or dependent on me initiating every single time. I want to feel wanted too, and lately I’ve been struggling with feeling desired in the relationship. For people who’ve moved in with partners or gone through stressful life transitions together, how did stress affect your intimacy/sexual chemistry? Did it eventually balance back out once life settled down? And how did you navigate conversations about mismatched intimacy needs without either person feeling pressured?

My boyfriend and I are getting ready to move in together soon, and lately I’ve been struggling emotionally with where our relationship is at sexually/intimately. For context, about 2 months ago we almost broke up because he was worried he was “holding me back” and had a lot of anxiety surrounding the relationship. It’s his first real relationship, so I tried to be understanding and patient through all of that. At one point, he also told me he wanted to do more stuff sexually because he felt like all the times we had done things before weren’t always fully enjoyable for him, which honestly stuck with me mentally. Fast forward to now, we recently had another conversation because I’ve been feeling like our sexual chemistry is really low lately. He says he’s under an extreme amount of stress about moving, life, everything, and that he genuinely “can’t think about anything else” right now. He’s reassured me multiple times that he still loves me, is sexually attracted to me, wants to move in together, etc. and I do believe he’s being honest. But at the same time, I’m stressed too, and I still naturally want intimacy and closeness with my partner. I feel confused because I don’t know if this is just a temporary stress-related thing or if stress can genuinely affect someone’s sex drive that heavily.I think what’s hurting me most is that I don’t want intimacy to feel forced, scheduled, or dependent on me initiating every single time. I want to feel wanted too, and lately I’ve been struggling with feeling desired in the relationship. For people who’ve moved in with partners or gone through stressful life transitions together, how did stress affect your intimacy/sexual chemistry? Did it eventually balance back out once life settled down? And how did you navigate conversations about mismatched intimacy needs without either person feeling pressured?