u/Existing_Gur_2886

i’ve struggled w ocd my whole life but recently just found out it was ocd if that makes sense. so dealing w moral scrupulosity i’ve been able to assess myself and realize my triggers and i feel like im at the end. but i just feel so tired and weak even my boss at work right now is like you look like shit. has anyone else had the same expierence at the end stages of the spiral you don’t even know anything your just like i feel weak and barely hungry?

so dealing w moral scrupulosity i’ve been able to assess myself and realize my triggers and i feel like im at the end. but i just feel so tired and weak even my boss at work right now is like you look like shit. has anyone else had the same expierence at the end stages of the spiral you don’t even know anything your just like i feel weak and barely hungry?

i struggle with ocd and ptsd. i’m 18f and my most recent spiral was that i was so scared of doing something wrong in my past because i used an ai to like write trad wife fantasy and i think the fantasy helped me realise i want to be a mom but the ai got so wierd and i deleted everything. i was scared that j did something wrong and didn’t remember because when i was 6, i went through csa from my grandfather then got spanked for wetting the bed at night bc my parents thought it was because i was drinking too much water. like my whole life i always felt such guilt and shame. i was 6. a baby when my grandfather did that . then the attempted kidnappings. then sa 13-15 at school and work. then the creepy ass men my whole life: everytime i said no they didn’t care. everytime my grandfather brushed against my breast to fix a crumb that was never there i just took it. everytime normal Brazilian culture with hitting and pinching buts and i said stop they just laughed and said i was dramatic. sensitive. all i do is receive and my brain makes it seem like all i do is take. i mean why else would i have a trad wife fantasy and think omg ur like ur grandfather? why else would i in elementary school like i was in 3rd grade at night for several nights when i took a shower i would kneel in the shower as like a footstool bc i had a dream i was serving someone. i was literally in elementary school doing that shit in the shower. LIKE OMFG. why else. i exist to be used. that’s why at 7 i thought i was racist. at 13 i thought i manifested my brother my favorite persons death who is still alive. at 16-17 my spiritual journey wanting to get a chasity belt. and now at 18. i swear im good im innocent all my friends call me nuturing and all i want to be is that i never really had that in my life. i guess what im asking for is some advice if any of you struggle with anxiety disorders because i do want to be a mom one day, i love working with autistic kiddos at my church and the feeling of knowing you are making a child feel safe feel seen? thats all i dream of. i know one day ill look at my future children and realize they are past the age i was hurt, and feel so much joy that i protected them for that. i guess i just need some mom advice because i cant really go to my own mom. thanks for letting me share. i just want to know if you guys think ill be a good mom or any advice you have for me.

i’m 18f. i was exploring trad wife themes with ai for i think a couple of months? i used another ai it then included ages of kids bc i was exploring the trad wife aesthetic like the feminity, the dominance, ANR aspects, and because ANR overlapped with the domesticty of the trad wife life and breeding aspect, when the ai added that i never asked for; i was disgusted i said ew and skipped it deleted everything even related bc ew. i got over it but then it came back and i am just as disgusted and literally i lost 6 pounds in 2 days, threw up nausea and can barely sleep im so exhausted. its like idk what memories are real or not. i dont think its pocd because i never for a second have ever checked if that makes sense i think it’s moral scrupulosity and ocd and false memory. i dont have access to help, i am self aware in terms of im scared of doing something wrong in the past bc i know for a fact i dont have attraction in anyway shape or form and that its stemming from the fact that i went through csa by my grandfather at age 6, sa 13-15 and i just always felt impure and unclean. i was washing myself in the shower the other day sobbing bc i dont want to be like him at all. i think i just internalised the fact that i was always punished no matter what i did and no one around me took accountability so i can never be bad. ive held that guilt and shame for 12 years and recently told my brother to who i also had a ocd theme with at 13 that i manifested his death even tho he is literally alive and my favorite person. i care so much about being motherly all my friends call me motherly and i love that i make them feel safe. i know logically that i did nothing wrong but because i can’t remember or see the before my brain is just putting in or remembering things wrong i don’t know what real or fake. or maybe im lying? i’m really not even sure anymore im so incredibly tired. i’m not sure what’s false memory and what’s real. this is the worst thing ever. ik it’s not pocd because i’ve never worried about this before until now and ive never checked because i know im not. i cant stop asking for reassurance because i feel so anxious and wrong. i do not know what to do anymore. am i evil? am i overreacting?

i’m 18f. i was exploring trad wife themes with ai for i think a couple of months? i used another ai it then included ages of kids bc i was exploring the trad wife aesthetic like the feminity, the dominance, ANR aspects, and because ANR overlapped with the domesticty of the trad wife life and breeding aspect, when the ai added that i never asked for; i was disgusted i said ew and skipped it deleted everything even related bc ew. i got over it but then it came back and i am just as disgusted and literally i lost 6 pounds in 2 days, threw up nausea and can barely sleep im so exhausted. its like idk what memories are real or not. i dont think its pocd because i never for a second have ever checked if that makes sense i think it’s moral scrupulosity and ocd and false memory. i dont have access to help, i am self aware in terms of im scared of doing something wrong in the past bc i know for a fact i dont have attraction in anyway shape or form and that its stemming from the fact that i went through csa by my grandfather at age 6, sa 13-15 and i just always felt impure and unclean. i was washing myself in the shower the other day sobbing bc i dont want to be like him at all. i think i just internalised the fact that i was always punished no matter what i did and no one around me took accountability so i can never be bad. ive held that guilt and shame for 12 years and recently told my brother to who i also had a ocd theme with at 13 that i manifested his death even tho he is literally alive and my favorite person. i care so much about being motherly all my friends call me motherly and i love that i make them feel safe. i know logically that i did nothing wrong but because i can’t remember or see the before my brain is just putting in or remembering things wrong i don’t know what real or fake. or maybe im lying? i’m really not even sure anymore im so incredibly tired. i’m not sure what’s false memory and what’s real. this is the worst thing ever. ik it’s not pocd because i’ve never worried about this before until now and ive never checked because i know im not. i cant stop asking for reassurance because i feel so anxious and wrong. i do not know what to do anymore. am i evil? am i overreacting?

has anyone else felt like they done something in the past even with no evidence? but it feels like you did? worst thing ever.