IDK if there's something about me that says 'please judge my choice as not a good idea, because telling you what it is is an invitation for it'
Anything little but maybe meaningful to you, and why? I really need to feel the goodness right now. Thanks in advance for sharing.
Like you don't want to read or know about certain things because of their impact on you?
I have a specific question for the Brits in the sub. When it comes to making tea, do you enjoy batch making tea for multiple people?
I thought of this because according to my brit box education, making tea for multiple people can be a common thing. Is this accurate?
For me, I like creating a system of care. This feels like maybe it has purpose (you're giving something small and meaningful to multiple people) it's repeatable, so can be perfected.
And this is broadly cultural (like I said that's based on my limited exposure through media though)
For me it's when I hear their voice and it makes me happy.
When they laugh, I'm happy
When they sing, I'm happy
What about you?
From my perspective, popularity looks like someone who is well understood. The signal is clear to everyone. And they can be loved or feared and maybe a combination.
Their response, even though it's a real response. They heard you. It feels like they understood. But the actual response isn't to you. It's to anyone watching. And even if no one's watching. They act like someone is. Like they're not being real. That is they don't feel real. They feel like a performance.
Anyone else want to weigh in? Not about any one person. Just about how a certain type of interaction feels.
I hear self awareness talked about as though it's the Pinnacle of existence.
Self awareness can be helpful at times. It can help inform your actions and their impact on others.
Self awareness makes our good intentions translate accurately to the world.
I have more than I had but it's not full because I don't make eye contact when I speak and so if I'm trying to be aware I'm guessing and I'm blind, except my good intention and my care not to harm. But IDK if there's harm, I can't see their eyes that are what communicates to me. I can't look because I freeze. I get lost in other people's eyes and I love them too much. They didn't earn that love but I feel it.
Looking away protects me from being hurt.
But I look at them when they speak, and I understand them. I think I do anyway. I can make meaning of this, maybe I'm guessing wrong sometimes. My guess feels right because I imagined the whole meaning and checked it against my knowledge. That's all I know. That's all I can know.
I don't hear anyone talking about obliviousness. Obliviousness is to be left alone among others.
What a glorious thing to be among and not altered.
There's a picture of my son, he was about 2. He's in a diaper and a tee shirt. That's real. That's how he existed in childhood in the summer. He's got a sippy cup in his mouth, his one hand is up and playing with his own hair, he's stimming.
He's holding the little woody figurine he used to walk around with in his foot. The level of obliviousness, the lack of self consciousness on his face. He's uninterefered with.
It might be the most beautiful picture in the world. Complete.
Does anyone else love the library but feel paralyzed by choice and indecision with the abundance of options?
My whole life I've loved being *in* the library. It's so quiet and predictable with comfy colorful seats where I could sit and no one's allowed to bother me while I'm there.
I'm not a reader though. Not of books. I don't know if I'm dyslexic but whatever I read needs to be something I want to read but committing is loss of opportunity because there's probably something more for me in here, and I'm reading this, instead. It's a feeling of having made a bad choice and wasting this glorious enforced peace.
I want to be left alone and the world has to comply this time. I'm protected. The librarian will protect my peace if someone bothers me.
What a safe space.
So I want to spend my time there. But not reading. I immerse in video. I need the audio and the video to stimulate my mind enough to melt into the media. I need it because it's human fiction. Or it's a story told by a real human. Not trying to sell me something, but they still have to sell things to survive, and I understand it. So it doesn't count as gross because they need to live. I need to live and I do it too. We have to survive. But we hate that system and we all understand that we hate it and why. Human fiction doesn't remind me of capitalism because of the stories I choose. Podcasts do, but those are real humans.
I want to go to the library for such a long time. I want to disappear. I want to be locked in the attic like the neverending story. Because my biggest positive experience of life, is fiction. It came from the world generation of a beautiful mind.
Loving that mind, is loving the creator of these ideas. It's genuine love. Some of the shit some of the minds we've loved have interfered with that experience. It's not a choice. Knowing what they did, what they might have done, interferes with the experience of the art and IDK about you, but I can't separate the two. This mind is beautiful and made me fall in love with their work, and this mind is evil, because their imagination went darker then expected because that's not the mind I fell in love with.
Feels gaslighty, feels false, feels wrong. Is that bug now installed in me?
That got rambly but I'm leaving it in because that's my mind. That's what it does.
Maybe someone will love it. Maybe no one will. But I'll only interact with the people who do. Not because I'm better or above. Because doing so is interacting with someone who gets it. And even people who don't understand me can get me, but they've gotta be interested enough to invest a little. They've gotta pick me from the shelf and say 'this story is worth the time' without that, I don't want to be picked anyway. I'll go pick my own story, maybe imagine my own.
Thanks for reading this far, I've temporarily run out of things to say
Do you do this? I do
Disney songs and Willy Wonka oompa loompa or whatever I feel like singing comes out.
But only when alone or around very few specific people/ environments where I'm completely comfortable to be myself and can just let the songs come out.
I exaggerate the voices etc.
Anyone else?
Maybe someone can weigh in on what this cognitive function is
Imagination staying within. Like not playing with things unless it's goal oriented (keep the balloon from touching the floor, with someone or alone) or experience related to sensory (riding bike, skating, hula hooping).
But imagination and the playful side all kept in and to myself and don't translate well to the world because words can't translate the true color and meaning. So, many inside jokes with myself etc. Random laughing and being asked 'what's so funny?' I can't answer it because it not only won't be funny but it also kind of removes the fun from it when their reaction isn't as enthusiastic. They don't get it.
Not criticizing them for not getting it. If I had only those words, I wouldn't get it either.
So which MBTI is this or which cognitive functions are you seeing.
Thanks
Yesterday, I agreed with my partner to do the dishes before 6 pm.
At 5pm, he starts doing the dishes. I ask from the next room 'what are you doing?' ...'I'm just washing this pot' he says. A few minutes later 'what are you doing?'...'I'm just washing this colander'
Ok, I made a deal. We had a deal. The motivation is out the window because I feel (note, I said feel' like I'm locked out of success.
Could I have done the 'that's so sweet of you, but I'll take it now' act, yes. But I'm kind of annoyed. I agreed to something and I've been prevented from honoring my word.
So today him 'you know how you asked me to say when something is bothering me?' ...'yes' I say...' well you said you were going to do the dishes, and then you didn't do them'... So I agree, say 'yes, that's valid. I can understand why you're disappointed. I'm disappointed too'...'then I explain my side, about being blocked. It felt like the opportunity to honor my commitment was taken from me. That I'm disappointed too because we had a deal.
I think he expected me to get up and go wash them. I didn't. He walked away. I asked if he 'wanted to make another deal and this time let me follow through?' he just said 'no' and went to the basement.
I'm realizing, I think I need a deal. I need to be held accountable to get something done when it feels too hard.
Can someone push me?
Have you ever met an NT and think 'wow, they're great! What a wonderful time!' Then, future interactions, they weren't as bubbly? That's because they're starting to become familiar.
They're relaxing and becoming more genuine. But this feels uncanny to me (and maybe you) they no longer sound fun to me. I can't hear the emotion in their voice.
There's just something about them that makes me want to eat all food from them!
I notice this a few times and I do see it respected when it's explicit stated in the post 'no advice please'
But I think advice in general assumes we, the commentor understand the situation. And when it comes to emotional or social matters particularly we couldn't possibly, even when OP has done a painstaking job to lay it all out. They can forget something, we can misinterpret meaning or lock on to one facet.
Speaking for myself, whatever I post in the realm of subjective experience when a response understands me, that's uplifting. No matter what it is. So much of this neurodivergent experience is being misunderstood. The fact that we can offer that to each other is a gift. It's insight only we can offer when the world says 'you're wrong'.
Feelings are never wrong. Behavior change can be beneficial, sure. But only AFTER understanding is felt.
IDK if you all feel similar. I hope you do.
This is pretty specific I know. But does anyone else not really look at their face in the mirror, except when you do it's making eye contact with yourself?
I've done this my whole life. People thought I was vain because when I was younger, I did it a lot. Now that I'm older, I still do it, just less.
I actually feel shocked when I see a picture of my self, because I don't recognize my face. That's because I wasn't looking at my face.
I was looking into my own eyes, but can't look into people's eyes when I speak because it's too distracting. It's probably why I can't see my face. My eyes are distracting me.
I have nice eyes, they're hazel and big. I'm not looking at them because of that. I'm looking at them because I'm in there. I think I'm connecting with me, or something.
Anyone else?
There's a complicated online form, for a complicated tax situation that I'm filing out. It's a web form. When it's completed I'm prompted to generate a PDF based on the information provided which *should* populate to the PDF.
On page 3, of a 21 page form. The information is absent. This failure to populate what was completed in an online form to the PDF, is a coding problem on the institutions behalf. Systemic issue for a tech problem. The fields weren't mapped.
Had I not read page 3 and discovered it was missing. I'd have blindly signed the form and sent it in. Harm was not done to me, because I read things.
However, I'm annoyed that my time was spent going through this process TWICE resulting in the same failure to populate the information provided to the PDF.
I'm outraged at the potential harm. It's a much stronger emotion. This form will harm anyone who trusts what they completed will generate. This form harms people who depend on helpers who don't have inside detailed information about their situation because the information was added, it just didn't populate.
This is a major institution.
The impact of this form not being sent in correctly, has potential to ruin lives. I do mean ruin.
That's the context.
Why is it, that when I explain the situation to people the response who do understand the potential harm, the response I get is 'yeah, you're not harmed though, you caught it'
My outrage isn't at harm to me. I'm frustrated with my situation. My outrage is the unknown potential harm this is causing.
Is that strong sense of justice we always hear about?
Why wouldn't knowing this exists cause outrage at the knowledge. It's definitely doing harm. We don't know how much. But it's harmful.
When I ask, 'isn't that outrageous?!' the response of 'yeah, but you weren't harmed' feels invalidating. I've explained why I'm outraged.
I think I need to only speak with people who's minimal emotional investment would be 'yeah, that's bullshit' instead I ask 'why aren't you outraged at this?' I get a response 'I'm just trying to keep you from getting negative' I'm not negative. The situation is negative. I'm talking to you about it, looking for a teammate. Instead I get my emotions managed.
I'm not asking that they do anything about it. All I'm asking is that this objectively harmful process be acknowledged as bullshit. Instead of trying to manage me out of that feeling. A teammate would co-sign it.
I need teammates, not managers.
Edit: update to say I contacted the institution to report this. They offered me a work around, which I declined. I'm not going to sell a bunch of people out to fix my personal situation.
I asked that the fix it. I can wait. I want to see it fixed. They put in an IT ticket and will contact me in 3 days.
I'm Audhd diagnosed at 50. My husband of 32 years is likely undiagnosed ADHD. We have 3 adult children, the youngest is busy. I mean she's just busy. It's by design she likes it that way, but she's my (our) daughter and sometimes she needs a little help.
She's on a roller Derby team, tonight there's a match in another state. She's got 2 businesses and she's got two cafes and she's gotta work the first half of the day, then drive to another state. Skate a roller Derby match, then get home likely after midnight.
It's a lot. So that's the context.
Last night she texts me to ask if I can bring her some lemons to the cafe today because when she leaves she really needs to just get on the road. Of course I answer. Lemons probably mean they want to feed their skates. Or she's making lemonade at the cafe and she just needs it.
A little before 5 am the chain store across the street who contracts a cleaner to pick up the trash starts running his FUCKING LEAF BLOWER and there's an ordinance. This has happened numerous times. I call the town police. He stops that night, just to do it another night. This is what I live with.
So the police send someone and he stops. But now because my sleep is all messed up, I'm worried I'll take an unexpected nap and miss bringing the lemons I was happy to bring (you know when someone you care about asks you for something you can easily do and you're so happy you can help without it costing you too much but you know it means something to them too because they don't ask unless they need it? That's what this is)
So I stay awake until the supermarket opens at 6 then run to the store then. Grab the lemons. Place them at the door to the cafe. Snap a picture , text it to my daughter like I'm some sort of delivery app lol and leave. She texts back 'Thanks lol' I'm on top of the world because I helped her. It didn't cost me much it was fun to have a mission and she got the joke about the delivery without having to explain it.
So much intuition in this relationship. I love her very much.
My husband wakes up about 30 minutes after I get home and learns she texted me last night, learns I ran and got the lemons, and snapped the picture. But he's learning this because he keeps asking questions but isn't giving any conversation back about something meaningful to me. Just pure intellectual curiosity. No my husband is not void of emotion, this isn't alexithymia. But he's being void of emotion toward me by asking all these questions and never picking up that this was a pleasure for me and it was fun.
You know what he finally said after all those questions?
Guess
I'll tell you
'that was odd'
And judged the whole thing as strange.
I can't tell if this is ableist or not. I don't think so. But it's invalidating AF
I'M SO MAD
I thought this group would have the best interpretation of this. Which cognitive function would you associate with these?
Caring for someone for who they are as a person, based on character traits they possess
V.
Caring for someone for how they make you feel
I see them as distinct, the first feels stable. Like it can outlast bad times because it's centered in who the person is not how they affect you, which can change.
But if that changes, is it even still the L word if they're still a good person according to your own metric of what that means?
I want to always remember that any time I've ever admitted to something embarrassing or where I was worried I might be judged, that the person who responds with 'ah, don't worry about it' in a reassuring way will always be more liked by me and I imagine others, than someone who judges me or signals there's something wrong with me for it, aka shame.
Tldr: reassurance is the opposite of shame. don't spend time with people who shame you. a true friend will pull you aside if they think you're fucking up. a snake will strike when you're vulnerable.
This is a generalization from my online experience. Maybe you'll relate, maybe not.
When I engage with people who are autistic, they get mad at me for misunderstanding. Like really mad 😡. Then I say 'oh my bad, I misunderstood' but they stay mad. Not because of what was misunderstood, but the fact that I didn't understand. Because when someone says 'oh sorry, I misunderstood.' to me, I let it go. Whatever they said before that was based on misunderstanding and now they've updated. Case closed.
With ADHD people, they're so on the go they don't have patience for me to figure it out. They just leave while I'm stuck in homework on what just happened.
The overlap of the two is its own thing. I feel like my brain is niche within niche if that makes sense.