u/Equivalent_Use_5024

I realized I'm constantly masking my symptoms - blocked breathing, exertion, just to be around other people, just to try to keep pace with people, just to socialize normally. To accommodate other people so they do not feel distressed or disturbed over my own comfort - like I am obligated to hurt myself and over extend myself.

I always thought I was just shy. I'm beginning to be done with it.

I had to repeat myself twice to a cashier over cooking steam. Yeah socializing is exhausting with damaged vocal chords. That's why I don't put myself out there as much and prefer being online.

Why do people, everyone, assume we are just lazy? It is fucking infuriating.

People do NOT understand the cumulative fatigue of living with a disability.

I know this post will make me sound like an incel but I just want to ask because it is becoming unbearable. My close online friend and I met when I was 20 and I am 26 now and so is he. I didn't have girlfriend back then and I still don't despite going on a number of failed dates, messaging endlessly on apps, attending failed socials, receiving zero indicators of interest when going out, being ghosted, reworking my style, and investing in hobbies which fit me, such as photography and cooking.

I have communicated to my friend about my struggles in romance and how I just cannot seem to get a relationship. He gives me advice like going to meetups, which I have done, however often it is difficult to sustain a conversation as I have vocal cord damage which makes it hard to project my voice. He has advised me to cold approach, and I have not done this as much as I've wanted to since I have anxiety around disturbing them, coming off poorly, though when I have done it it hasn't led to anything.

My friend recently has started telling me about all his dating app matches. Initially I was proud of him, however over the past few weeks he constantly boasts about how much women love him and how he has a number of options and how difficult and stressful it is to have so many options. He boasts about how women always check him out.

It is starting to become honestly unbearable, and I've told him I get it man, you don't need to keep repeating it, but he will each day tell me about how some beautiful woman matched him or gives him "choosing signals". I frankly do feel a bit bitter, but I know this is negative and I'm not entitled to any thing.

This isn't a venting post. I just want to see if anyone here has a disability akin to this. I apologize if this comes across as insensitive, but I am just trying to share my experience.

I have damaged vocal cords meaning I cannot audibly speak and project my voice in a number of environments - bars, clubs, socials, near traffic, anywhere above a certain decibel level, and frequently have to lean in or repeat myself or use quasi sign language, and it is completely situational. I have constantly gone back and forth over my life between feeling like I am disabled and not. As if I exist in this liminal space where it is too much of disability to be ignored and for it not to affect me, but not enough of a disability to garner understanding from people or to be excused from participating like most people do or to keep me from feeling like I am an imposter.

I read a post with a woman who has my disability who also was simultaneously experiencing hearing loss and said she can manage the hearing loss, but not her voice.

What are some misconceptions you feel able bodied people have about having a disability?

Since age 4, I have damaged vocal cords and cannot talk loudly or project my voice. I am in my mid 20s.

I suppose this post will be a venting one, but seeing people here share their genuine experiences vindicates me - because even my family denies I have a "real" disability. They do not understand how debilitating it is because on the surface a "weak or raspy" voice does not sound that traumatic at all.

I was constantly mocked in my childhood, and I cannot speak audibly or sustain a conversation in bars, clubs, concerts, parties, construction sites, arcades, many groups and socials, restaurants and classrooms and meetings above a certain decibel level, near traffic and construction, festivals, coffeeshops and job fairs... I am often asked if I am sick or what is wrong with my voice. I use quasi sign language in a number of situations. I have gotten comfortable spending time alone.

Social and romantic success has been my entire life struggle.

Reading posts here, people here describe feeling isolated in a room, very lonely, very depressed, humiliated, angry, disconnected from others, hell, one poster had to drop out of his masters due to being mocked.

Over the past few months, I have felt tired constantly - low energy constantly. Like I just want to lay on my bed and rest. Even after going to sleep at 10pm and waking at 550am, I still feel tired and like I have a dull headache pushing me towards sleep. When I get home from work, I just want to cook dinner and sleep. Even tonight I don't know if I can do my workout. I feel unsteady and depleted. Never before this year did I feel tired all the time and like I am forcing myself to stay awake and vigilant, alert.

Could I possibly have chronic fatigue syndrome?

Over the past few months, I have felt tired constantly - low energy constantly. Like I just want to lay on my bed and rest. Even after going to sleep at 10pm and waking at 550am, I still feel tired and like I have a dull headache pushing me towards sleep. When I get home from work, I just want to cook dinner and sleep. Even tonight I don't know if I can do my workout. I feel unsteady and depleted.

I have an underdeveloped airway and damaged larynx and cannot communicate audibly at socials, bars, clubs, parties, traffic areas, construction sites, restaurants, classrooms, groups... I have always felt like on the outside looking in, I am there but cannot participate and there is a wall between me and others. I cannot fully join them. I feel like my identity is of a man who is a continual observer.

As I've gotten older, moved out of my parent's home, got my own place, I have put in less and less effort to socializing and trying to find a partner.

Each event like this makes me want to withdraw from the world further and use the internet to cope, yet people will say you need to keep trying and you cannot give up.

How do you lower your expectations for living with a disability without feeling like you are giving up on yourself and not putting all your effort in?

I understand that men with disabilities aren't the majority so it would not make sense to discuss them.. however, I feel he seems to assume his own success and privilege is a path that everyone can replicate, and that finding a circle or a partner or professional success is as easy as just getting out there and "putting yourself in the company of strangers" and that is enough to resolve any obstacles in your life.

Edit - love how this post is being downvoted.