u/Entire-Lobster-1097

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for complimenting my 16-year-old student.

I (19F) work as an assistant librarian at a high school. I graduated in 2024 and started working there in February 2025. I have a group of students who have grown very close to me. I’ve known the majority of them since they were freshmen.

This argument started after my boyfriend (19M) and I decided to get ice cream on the way back to my house. Four of my students work at this ice cream shop. They all recently started working there, and I usually see at least one when I stop by.

The majority of the time I’m by myself, but this time my boyfriend tagged along. As usual, we placed our orders and pulled up to the window where, surprise!! One of my students, "Josh" (16M), was attending us. It started off normally with Josh greeting me. I introduced him to my boyfriend, and we chatted for a little bit while we waited for our ice cream. When it came time to pay, he let me know that he gave me his employee discount. I told him, “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you,” and that was it. We paid, he gave us the ice cream, and we drove off.

This is where the conflict started. My boyfriend was apparently very bothered by the fact that I called him "sweet." I had been talking about Josh before we pulled up to the shop because of a funny situation that happened today. I was describing him to my boyfriend, who doesn't care to familiarize himself with my students no matter how often I talk about them. And mentioned he was tall for his age and smart. I also mentioned that Josh had enlisted in the military so that my boyfriend could possibly relate to him, seeing as he wants to join the military himself.

It’s very normal for me to talk about my students. I work full-time, so the majority of my day is spent surrounded by high schoolers, which leads to some pretty funny moments. Because I spend so much time there, it’s what I mostly talk about.

However, I guess talking about the student previously and then calling him "sweet" bothered my boyfriend. We’re in a heated argument right now because he thinks it’s weird that I’m complimenting him like this.

———
This isn’t a new conflict. There have been countless arguments revolving around my students, specifically the MALE students. He doesn’t like me talking about them at all. I can’t even mention a male student’s name without him immediately bombarding me with questions: "Why are you talking to them?" "Why are you being so friendly?" "Why do you even feel comfortable being nice to them?" "Why do you care?"

He is completely uninterested and defensive anytime a male student is brought up.

My argument is always the same, “These are kids, and I am the adult. It’s weird for you to think like this.” He always makes it seem as though I’m coming onto them, which makes me extremely uncomfortable. In my head, they are children. Even though I am close in age to some of them, I hold a position of authority over them.

It’s as if he feels threatened by them. I feel like I can’t be nice to them at all without it being "weird." I constantly remind him to stop placing them on the same level as us; they are children, and we are adults about to turn 20. But everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.

I’ve told him he’s weird for thinking of them that way, and I’ve even said he’s "telling on himself" meaning that if he were in my shoes, he would be looking at them in an attractive manner. Since that’s the agenda he pushes so hard on me, it clearly reflects his own mindset. Obviously, this offends him, but it doesn't seem to click.

In all honesty, it makes me uncomfortable because a 19-year-old cannot be compared to a 16-year-old.

It’s a constant loop of me talking about my day and him getting upset. I don’t know what to do, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong. Am I the one being weird, or is he?

I was being accused of ai so i’m uploading the unrevised version. This is completely real so please give me advice😢

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for complimenting my 16-year-old student.

I (19F) work as an assistant librarian at my alma mater’s high school. I graduated in 2024 and started working there in February 2025. I have a group of students who have grown very close to me. Since I’ve known the majority of them since they were freshmen so we’ve grown close.

This argument started after my boyfriend (19M) and I decided to get ice cream on the way back to my house. Four of my students work at this ice cream shop. They all recently started working there, and I usually see at least one when I stop by.

The majority of the time I’m by myself, but this time my boyfriend tagged along. As usual, we placed our orders and pulled up to the window where, surprise!! One of my students, "Josh" (16M), was attending us. It started off normally with Josh greeting me. I introduced him to my boyfriend, and we chatted for a little bit while we waited for our ice cream. When it came time to pay, he let me know that he gave me his employee discount. I told him, “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you,” and that was it. We paid, he gave us the ice cream, and we drove off.

This is where the conflict started. My boyfriend was apparently very bothered by the fact that I called him "sweet." I had been talking about Josh before we pulled up to the shop because of a funny situation that happened today. I was describing him to my boyfriend, who doesn't care to familiarize himself with my students no matter how often I talk about them. And mentioned he was tall for his age and smart. I also mentioned that Josh had enlisted in the military so that my boyfriend could possibly relate to him, seeing as he wants to join the military himself.

It’s very normal for me to talk about my students. I work full-time, so the majority of my day is spent surrounded by high schoolers, which leads to some pretty funny moments. Because I spend so much time there, it’s what I mostly talk about.

However, I guess talking about the student previously and then calling him "sweet" bothered my boyfriend. We’re in a heated argument right now because he thinks it’s weird that I’m complimenting him like this.

———
This isn’t a new conflict. There have been countless arguments revolving around my students, specifically the MALE students. He doesn’t like me talking about them at all. I can’t even mention a male student’s name without him immediately bombarding me with questions: "Why are you talking to them?" "Why are you being so friendly?" "Why do you even feel comfortable being nice to them?" "Why do you care?"

He is completely uninterested and defensive anytime a male student is brought up.

My argument is always the same, “These are kids, and I am the adult. It’s weird for you to think like this.” He always makes it seem as though I’m coming onto them, which makes me extremely uncomfortable. In my head, they are children. Even though I am close in age to some of them, I hold a position of authority over them.

It’s as if he feels threatened by them. I feel like I can’t be nice to them at all without it being "weird." I constantly remind him to stop placing them on the same level as us; they are children, and we are adults about to turn 20. But everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.

I’ve told him he’s weird for thinking of them that way, and I’ve even said he’s "telling on himself" meaning that if he were in my shoes, he would be looking at them in an attractive manner. Since that’s the agenda he pushes so hard on me, it clearly reflects his own mindset. Obviously, this offends him, but it doesn't seem to click.

In all honesty, it makes me uncomfortable because a 19-year-old cannot be compared to a 16-year-old.

It’s a constant loop of me talking about my day and him getting upset. I don’t know what to do, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong. Am I the one being weird, or is he?

I was being accused of ai so i’m uploading the unrevised version. This is completely real so please give me advice😢

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for complimenting my 16-year-old student.

I (19F) work as an assistant librarian at my alma mater’s high school. I graduated in 2024 and started working there in February 2025. I have a group of students who have grown very close to me. Since I’ve known the majority of them since they were freshmen so we’ve grown close.

This argument started after my boyfriend (19M) and I decided to get ice cream on the way back to my house. Four of my students work at this ice cream shop. They all recently started working there, and I usually see at least one when I stop by.

The majority of the time I’m by myself, but this time my boyfriend tagged along. As usual, we placed our orders and pulled up to the window where, surprise!! One of my students, "Josh" (16M), was attending us. It started off normally with Josh greeting me. I introduced him to my boyfriend, and we chatted for a little bit while we waited for our ice cream. When it came time to pay, he let me know that he gave me his employee discount. I told him, “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you,” and that was it. We paid, he gave us the ice cream, and we drove off.

This is where the conflict started. My boyfriend was apparently very bothered by the fact that I called him "sweet." I had been talking about Josh before we pulled up to the shop because of a funny situation that happened today. I was describing him to my boyfriend, who doesn't care to familiarize himself with my students no matter how often I talk about them. And mentioned he was tall for his age and smart. I also mentioned that Josh had enlisted in the military so that my boyfriend could possibly relate to him, seeing as he wants to join the military himself.

It’s very normal for me to talk about my students. I work full-time, so the majority of my day is spent surrounded by high schoolers, which leads to some pretty funny moments. Because I spend so much time there, it’s what I mostly talk about.

However, I guess talking about the student previously and then calling him "sweet" bothered my boyfriend. We’re in a heated argument right now because he thinks it’s weird that I’m complimenting him like this.

———
This isn’t a new conflict. There have been countless arguments revolving around my students, specifically the MALE students. He doesn’t like me talking about them at all. I can’t even mention a male student’s name without him immediately bombarding me with questions: "Why are you talking to them?" "Why are you being so friendly?" "Why do you even feel comfortable being nice to them?" "Why do you care?"

He is completely uninterested and defensive anytime a male student is brought up.

My argument is always the same, “These are kids, and I am the adult. It’s weird for you to think like this.” He always makes it seem as though I’m coming onto them, which makes me extremely uncomfortable. In my head, they are children. Even though I am close in age to some of them, I hold a position of authority over them.

It’s as if he feels threatened by them. I feel like I can’t be nice to them at all without it being "weird." I constantly remind him to stop placing them on the same level as us; they are children, and we are adults about to turn 20. But everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.

I’ve told him he’s weird for thinking of them that way, and I’ve even said he’s "telling on himself" meaning that if he were in my shoes, he would be looking at them in an attractive manner. Since that’s the agenda he pushes so hard on me, it clearly reflects his own mindset. Obviously, this offends him, but it doesn't seem to click.

In all honesty, it makes me uncomfortable because a 19-year-old cannot be compared to a 16-year-old.

It’s a constant loop of me talking about my day and him getting upset. I don’t know what to do, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong. Am I the one being weird, or is he?

My (19M) boyfriend just recently started smoking (weed) again after about 1 1/2 year sober. I was against it at first, because there was a point where every time we saw each other he was high/wanting to get high and I felt like that was kinda the center of our relationship.

I gave in after a couple days of talking about it with the agreement that I got to continue vaping if he smoked and that was that. The only two things I told him were 1. Let me know when you’re smoking, 2. Don’t be high around me.

I simply don’t like when he’s high, i feel like it’s not really him and it kinda freaks me out. He’s good on keeping that part of the deal it’s the second part he seemingly doesn’t care about.

We’ve gotten into MULTIPLE arguments about it. I’m writing this because we quite literally just got into a new argument about it right before he left. And I want to know if i’m overreacting and being shitty.

BASICALLY he called his friend, who he had been hanging out with earlier, and told him he needed to swing by because he needed to grab his “stuff.” Once the call ended I asked him about it and he confirmed it was weed and that him and his friends had been planning to smoke it. I already had an inkling that he had smoked and hadn’t told me so I asked him. Obviously the notices that he fucked up and tired to back track before admitting that he had taken a hit from his friends pen.

So I get upset. My mood changes and I tell him he needs to go now if he’s grabbing his stuff from his friend (it’s 11:50ish pm) My entire family is home so I try not to make a huge scene but I’m very obviously dodging his attempts to touch/kiss me. Which he was only doing because he knew I had gotten upset.

I didn’t say anything until we got to his car and simply told him, “How many times have I told you to let me know when you’re smoking.” Now he’s upset, and told me, “I don’t have to tell you everytime I’m getting high,” I retort and tell him that it’s a simple thing and I don’t care if it’s one hit of a blunt/pen I have the right to know and that’s what he agreed on. He brushes me off and tells me he doesn’t have time for this so I just leave. I don’t kiss him goodbye, or say I love you, I just walk back into my apartment because i’m that upset. The only thing I did say was call him an “asshole” before I went back into my apartment.

This is probably the 5th? 6th time I’ve had to bring this issue up. He gets high, doesn’t tell me, I find out through context clues/one of his friends, and get upset which makes him upset at me. We talk/argue about it, he promises to do better, blah blah blah. Then the cycle repeats.

So am I just a controlling asshole? I get he’s grown, he can do wtv he wants but as his girlfriend (and allegedly the woman he wants to marry) I feel like I have the right to ask and know about what he’s up to. He agreed to let me know, but he’s not keeping up with his part of the deal so obviously i’m going to be upset.

I know I could’ve handled the situation better and not have been an asshole as well, but after being lied to for the umpteenth time it’s hard not be.

What should I do chat?