u/ElectricTorus

What happened after you named your abuser? I decided that it's finally time to tell my family that my brother sexually assaulted me, made me watch porn, showed my friend, who was only 10 at the time, and I his erect penis and had my friend touch it. He was 15, and I was 12 at the time.

My dad is 85 and this will surely break his heart but I am sick of holding the secret. I am sick of watching my brother continue to verbally and emotionally abuse others. Mostly I am sick of dimming my own flame. I have already gone no contact with him.

Today is the day I unburden myself. It is time. I am just not sure what the massive fallout will be.

My narcissistic brother went through my entire old Reddit account and texted me how awful I was for calling him a narcissist. This was right before I decided to go NC for good. He sent me a bunch of messages one after the other going on about how it wasn't my place and then commented about some of my posts. It was almost funny how he was just proving my point about his narcissism.

My question is how did he even find it? He said he "accidentally googled part of an old text" and stumbled upon it. The only thing I ever posted that was remotely close to a text was a screenshot of a text. Can you pay to unveil reddit accounts? It's really just unsettling and I feel like I have no privacy. He is likely reading this right now.

Who would I speak to in regards to what is and isn't appropriate during a ketamine assisted therapy session with my therapist? I don't really want to post details about my concerns, but, would like to know if there is a number or professional who is familiar with this. I also don't think getting the state or licensing board involved is necessary. I really just have some questions about boundaries between client and therapist when under the influence of ketamine.

I finally realized that my social anxiety all stems from getting molested as a young child. I remember walking home after it happened and felt that everyone will be able to see it, as if I was kissed all over my face with red lipstick. I basically felt very exposed and scared I would be in trouble. Of course no one could see what happened, but that feeling stayed with me.

Fast forward to my adult life and now I have horrible social anxiety. Whenever I am in a social setting I am terrified to talk about myself in almost any capacity. I always keep the conversation on the other person - luckily most people love to talk about themselves.

I don't have any friends, and mostly stay at home. I got laid off and the thought of a job interview and going to an in-person work environment has been causing panic attacks. I also realize there is a power dynamic at play during an interview, much like during the abuse.

I am so glad I realized the cause of this, but I have no idea where to even begin working on this.