u/Either_Ant_5197

So I had my first experience with a guy. I , 27M , have always known I was gay but haven't had sex or even kissed a guy yet. Never did anything intimate with a women apart from the occasional club peck with my girl friends whilst laughing lol. I have always been quite sexually reserved even though I am a very sexual person. But lately I have felt I am ready to try with a guy so I met a guy off Grindr , my type, and what I look for in a guy, older , more masculine etc. So met up with him and after chatting a while I felt more and more turned on and wanted to get to it. So we did, he was very respectful since it was my first time with a guy and let me kind of take the wheel.

Here is where it gets odd. Previous to this I was very much turned on by him and couldn't wait to finally get with a guy. We started making out and initially it was nice but after a while I felt nothing. I just chalked it up to nerves maybe but we carried on, then took it to the bedroom and carried on some more. Didn't do penetrative sex bc I didn't want to nor did I want to give him oral yet but we did everything else, he gave me oral and I could see he was getting more turned on but if im being honest I felt like the whole time I was just pretending. I was physically turned on (if you know what I mean) but I didn't feel any excitement to the act. I kept going bc I thought I was just being in my head but I dont think I was. He was attractive and what I like in a guy but I just didnt like it. Which has very much been confusing me bc for all my life I have always liked guys and now when I am finally being intimate with one who im attracted to, I dont like it. I have been thinking about the whole thing alot and it's not that I wasn't turned on by him I just didnt like the sexual stuff at all. The kissing was nice but when it got really sexual I didnt like it at all and im just confused bc im not at all attracted to women and only to men but now I am just wondering am I really lol. I know for sure I don't ever want to do that again with a guy, the whole time I kept wanting it to be over and at one point my face fell and thank God he wasn't looking at me bc that would've definitely hurt. He was a lovely man and he was so nice and patient with me so I am really glad my first experience was with someone very respectful but I am super confused. This experience did however make me realise I don't want to be intimate with a guy again, I still find them super attractive and could see falling in love with a guy but definitely don't want to do that again. Idk if this is asexuality, I dont think it is but I know theres a spectrum to it, any advice on what this all could mean?

So I (27M) hooked up with a guy online. ive known im gay since I was like 13 and am quite openly gay but ive never hooked up with a guy or tbh even kissed one. I have always been a bit awkward around it and never wanted to just do it. That doesn't mean im not sexually attracted to guys. I like to think I am quite a sexual person. I pleasure myself etc and find guys hot all the time (this matters dw). Over the past year I've been feeling the urge to hook up with a guy, for some reason the sexual urges just got stronger and stronger over the years so even though ive lowkey always been against hookups I have started to look at them differently. Especially since im not looking for a relationship rn in my life. So I went on Grindr and decided to meet this guy up, he was my type and what I look for in a guy, older , more masculine etc. So met up with him and after chatting a while I felt more and more turned on and wanted to get to it. So we did, he was very respectful since it was my first time with a guy and let me kind of take the wheel.

Here is where it gets odd. Previous to this I was very much turned on by him and couldn't wait to finally get with a guy. We started making out and initially it was nice but after a while I felt nothing. I just chalked it up to nerves maybe but we carried on, then took it to the bedroom and carried on some more. Didn't do penetrative sex bc I didn't want to nor did I want to give him oral yet but we did everything else, he gave me oral and I could see he was getting more turned on but if im being honest I felt like the whole time I was just pretending. I was physically turned on (if you know what I mean) but I didn't feel any excitement to the act. I kept going bc I thought I was just being in my head but I dont think I was. He was attractive and what I like in a guy but I just didnt like it. Which has very much been confusing me bc for all my life I have always liked guys and now when I am finally being intimate with one who im attracted to, I dont like it. I have been thinking about the whole thing alot and it's not that I wasn't turned on by him I just didnt like the sexual stuff at all. The kissing was nice but when it got really sexual I didnt like it at all and im just confused bc im not at all attracted to women and only men but now I am just wondering am I really lol. I know for sure I don't ever want to do that again with a guy, the whole time I kept wanting it to be over and at one point my face fell and thank God he wasn't looking at me bc that would've definitely hurt. He was a lovely man and he was so nice and patient with me so I am really glad my first experience was with someone very respectful but I am super confused. This experience made me realise I don't want to be intimate with a guy again, I still find them super attractive and could see falling in love with a guy but definitely dont want to do that again. Idk if this is asexuality, I dont think it is but I know theres a spectrum to it, any advice on what this all could mean?

Assalamu Alaikum, I’m 27 and have been watching porn for around well over a decade. I’ve just been watching gay porn since I’ve never been attracted to women. I also want to state that I wasn’t attracted to women before watching porn either. I have had about a year off in that time but that was many years ago and was solely because of some hardships I was going through. I grew up in a very Muslim household and community but never really saw it as that deep May Allah forgive me. It was just something I did and would carry on with my life. I didn’t even look at it as something that I could possibly be addicted to I just did it

I’m also an effeminate man in the way I speak and act (not dress). I’ve been this way since a child just how Allah made me I guess and Alhamdullilah I accepted myself and love who Allah created me to be and from a very young age I always knew it’s the act of doing it not the thought that is haram which gave me ease. I’ve had times in my youth where I was more practicing but towards my late teens and early to mid twenties I wasn’t and always just assumed one day I’ll meet someone and that’ll be it but Alhamdullilah I was protected from committing zina even though I wouldn’t have said no if the offer presented itself. I’ve always been quite a reserved person when it came to anything sexual and I guess that’s Allahs protection. But for the past few years I finally closed the book of one day wanting to be in a relationship which was hard but something i gotta do I guess and since then I’ve been more practicing alhamdulillah. But the past 2-3 years have been hard as I have become strongly aware of my sexual desires and idk maybe because I mentally closed the door on possible future sexual relationships it seems heightened. I realised I would lean to porn more and would be in an endless cycle of watching them stopping for a few days then watching again

I decided to stop watching porn around early last year after building my foundation in my deen and shedding my old life and have been struggling immensely for a year with constant failing and trying again. I’m on day 7 with a new system in place so make dua for me please but I’m just really struggling with the knowledge that I will never be sexually satisfied in my lifetime on Earth. And it’s weighing really hard on me. My desires are so strong sometimes , it was easy for me go all these years without falling into acts with men because I had an outlet but now it’s constant. I know this is a test from Allah and im pleased with whatever He decrees for me and I pray He helps me and forgives me. Even with this sin I’ve seen so much help and guidance from Allah in my life especially with how He has helped change my life when I really didn’t think it was possible for me to even be practicing. But I just want to know if there are other men out there struggling with homosexuality ( and not HOCD) and how they are handling it and getting through it especially in a time where it’s celebrated by non Muslims and not spoken about amongst Muslims. Also any tips on staying off porn even when the despair of no possible sexual relationship is high

Also no messages from people with ill intentions or trying anything weird pls!