Kind of a stupid question, but that’s something that holds me from reading them, the feeling that I need to read them on their entirety or else I’m “cheating” and the read “didn’t count”. I don’t know how to explain it better lol
My days are just not exciting at all. I just basically watch tv all day cause I think “what’s the point of doing other stuff”, but the truth is I just don’t know what I’m losing.
I don’t know the gratification of growing to love an active hobby or a sport, and I can never get passed the beginner phase cause I just don’t know if it would be worth it. I worry so much about “being efficient” with my time, that I just end up wasting it, thinking about inconveniences I might encounter on the way and all…
I guess what I want to know is, what am I missing? What’s it like to grow yourself to love something you do? And what makes it worth the time invested to learn it?
My ex (25F) and I (25M) broke up basically because she’s a workaholic, obsessed with becoming a better version of herself, brags about practicing lots of different sports, having lots of hobbies and a successful online business, and I’m kind of lazy, live off of my dad’s inheritance which allows me to live really comfortably, and has allowed me to become her +one on all her stuff, photographing the events she does for her business and stuff like.
She broke up with me in July of last year cause she was not seeing a future with, thinking I’m not ambitious, that I don’t want anything from life, which I don’t blame her, that’s what I showed when we were together.
Now I feel overwhelmed, thinking I need to do a bunch of different sports, have lots of hobbies and be professionally successful if I want be successful in life, or even that I need that to find love in life again.
Basically she set an unrealistic standard on my mind of what makes someone successful and a decent human being. I cannot control this urge to reach her standards of success (maybe I cause I still look for her approval, idk) and feel a constant rush to become this person so every time I try to start something, I realize I’m still bad at it and give up cause it doesn’t feel enough. I also can’t enjoy my “free time” (quoted cause I’m always free, still live off of my late dad’s money), cause I constantly feel I should be being productive.
Btw, she’s not a bad person because of this. She constantly incentivized me to have my own life, build something of my own instead of just relying on the relationship, and she also knew I wouldn’t be successful right off the bat. I built this standard on my own, and never did anything about cause I gave in to the comfort of my financial stability and relationship.
My ex (25F) and I (25M) broke up basically because she’s a workaholic, obsessed with becoming a better version of herself, brags about practicing lots of different sports, having lots of hobbies and a successful online business, and I’m kind of lazy, live off of my dad’s inheritance which allows me to live really comfortably, and has allowed me to become her +one on all her stuff, photographing the events she does for her business and stuff like.
She broke up with me in July of last year cause she was not seeing a future with, thinking I’m not ambitious, that I don’t want anything from life, which I don’t blame her, that’s what I showed when we were together.
Now I feel overwhelmed, thinking I need to do a bunch of different sports, have lots of hobbies and be professionally successful if I want be successful in life, or even that I need that to find love in life again.
Basically she set an unrealistic standard on my mind of what makes someone successful and a decent human being. I cannot control this urge to reach her standards of success (maybe I cause I still look for her approval, idk) and feel a constant rush to become this person so every time I try to start something, I realize I’m still bad at it and give up cause it doesn’t feel enough. I also can’t enjoy my “free time” (quoted cause I’m always free, still live off of my late dad’s money), cause I constantly feel I should be being productive.
Btw, she’s not a bad person because of this. She constantly incentivized me to have my own life, build something of my own instead of just relying on the relationship, and she also knew I wouldn’t be successful right off the bat. I built this standard on my own, and never did anything about cause I gave in to the comfort of my financial stability and relationship.
I feel like my skills, status and professional title are directly tied to my self worth, and now that I see that that is the problem, I’m already 25 yo and feel late to start anything. How do I explain I spent my entire adulthood until now just avoiding any work being able to live off of my late dad’s money, isolated cause I’m scared of what others would think of that, and too addicted to comfort and quick dopamine to able to do anything?
That also makes me feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Not having to worry about a paycheck makes me feel worthless because that’s the people I tend to admire and respect, the underpaid working class who struggles everyday just to put food on the table for their families… and I’m here, complaining and crying about how having money makes me feel worthless, and not able to give up the comfort of it cause it just feels good to be safe.
I don’t think I’ll ever be brave to explore and face the unknown, to deal with the idea of things changing (which they always do), and to detach from things/people I lost if I don’t romanticize it a bit… so I’m looking for a book for that! Fiction, non-fiction, whatever you got!
Honestly I’m just scared to go to places we went to together, but those are my favorite places to go to lol