u/Due_Reserve7065

Not looking for advice, I’m out of the abusive relationship now and just need to vent a little.

I was showing my kids photos on my phone today, and found a video I took 3 days after giving birth. In it, my ex is walking our newborn up a hill. The girls laughed because at the beginning of the video, he farts at me. Out of context, it’s just a funny, playful moment.

I laughed with them, but as soon as they were in bed I just cried. That was the day he told me, “YOU go to the pharmacy, you’re not pregnant anymore.”

He made me walk up a big, steep hill 3 days pp after a very complicated labour, to go get meds for the baby.

I had stitches all the way to my butthole, and internally. I was scared I might haemorrhage. My mother told him it wasn’t a good idea, so he rolled his eyes and said, “fine, we can go together.”

And then when I tried to take a video of our first outing with the baby, he farted at me. What a stupid, stupid child I married. I’m so grateful every day that I don’t have to put up with him anymore.

After reading post after post about people in violent and volatile marriages, I’ve noticed a very common thread:

Most of the OPs are not talking to their pastors about their spouse’s violent or abusive behaviour! I see so many women in particular saying things like, “I’ve asked him to get help,” or “I’ve told him he needs to repent.” And yes, there is a time and place for that. But if someone is continually sinning against you and refusing to stop, you must get a trusted elder or pastor involved. One of the responsibilities of the church is to discipline this behaviour and protect the vulnerable (YOU).

The Bible sets out a very clear way to deal with unrepentant sin:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18‬:‭15‬-‭17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

PLEASE, if you ever feel at all unsafe in your marriage, it is your Christian duty to get someone else involved. To protect yourself, but also to protect your spouse from their own sin.

I had to go through this very thing, and if I hadn’t gotten the pastors involved I don’t think anything would have ever changed. My husband never listened or took anything seriously until this group of faithful men were able to gather around us and put the fear of the Lord in him. It was scary, I did worry that I’d be blamed, but the thing is that God gives us these people to shepherd and protect us. Trust Him!

I’m wondering if there’s a subreddit or forum somewhere for Christian singles who have been through divorce. I know it’s a kind of difficult subject, as the Lord hates divorce, and there are possibly people here who are totally against the possibility of remarriage.

When you’ve actually had to go through that, it’s just so tough finding anyone else on the same page. Most of the divorced men I know are bitter and angry, have stopped going to church, or cheated on their spouses. Honestly the same goes for most women!

Has anyone been through this with the guidance of pastors, with full accountability in the church? And how do you hope to ever find someone again?