The tickling was just a cover and I never questioned it until now
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last night I was just laying in bed with my partner and I went to tickle her, and she didn’t response much but was amused at my attempt. So I thought about where else to try, and I was hit with this wall of realization. My dad “tickled” between my legs and ass. I hated it and it made me uncomfortable but I never examined it as tickling is such a normalized way to disturb children. I would never do that to anyone, I didn’t even want to tickle my fiancee that way. Let alone a goddamn child. But he did it. More than once. Despite me begging him specifically not to do it there of all places.
I always wondered if he was the one that made my vagina bleed at 4. I think it was him now. I’m no contact with almost everyone but he was so emotionally incestuous and so abusive in so many ways but I didn’t think he actually took it this far even if he was a pervert freak.
I made a long life story word doc but it was too long and disturbing. It laid out how many ways he was an abusive creep and how I learned after he hid a camera on me and watched it, that he had molested my older sister. I don’t know what to do. I’m freshly engaged, it hasn’t even been a month I just want to enjoy my engagement. But I feel so gross and shell shocked.
My fiancee is obviously concerned and knows something is up but I’m still processing and I have no idea how to even voice it.