u/Dettyboy1993

Hey, not trying to bug you but I genuinely just need to tell you how stupid I feel about how I acted lol. My ego can handle a lot but somebody's last impression of me being begging and pleading is not something I can just let go haha. You were right about a few things and I wasn't being myself because we immediately started flirting and didn't get to know each other as regular people. Things just got so intense so quick that I just shut off my brain and stopped regulating emotions which I'm sure you picked up on. I got so hooked on your affection that when it got taken away I basically went through withdrawal. Plus we started with the unsustainable love bombing so early which made my nervous system go haywire, which is a thing. That's why I thought sending you a 2 page essay on why we were meant to be together was a good idea 😆 but like you said it was only a few weeks and I came to my senses pretty quickly and realized I was being an idiot but that's what can happen if you rush things, especially when both people have anxiety.

But yeah, that's all I wanted to say. At least to salvage any sort of dignity I have left after all that. We all have our crash outs and unfortunately you saw mine haha. If we ever see each other again I hope we can be cool and talk like nothing happened. It was so short that I don't think anything should be awkward. It just didn't work out and that's cool. I would've been fine being friends. I still think you're a cool chick even if you are kinda crazy 🤣 Hope you're doing good though!

For context, I met a girl last month and she was WAY into me as soon as she saw me. The problem is that I haven't attempted dating in years and I'm autistic and very socially awkward and in this situation, I put on a mask when I didn't realize it and she when ended things, she brought up the fact that IRL me and texting me were different, which unfortunately I have never noticed. When we started talking, she was immediately developing feelings for me more than I felt for her. After a few days though she started love bombing me and I totally gave into my emotions and fell for her. It only last a few weeks but the emotional intimacy was intense and I still like her.

The last night we were together, we sat on my couch, kissed, held hands and intimately talked about the future we might have together. However we got into a big fight later on about her behavior when we were drunk and I stormed off back to my house as I was walking her home. She started acting weird and distant the next few days and then dropped me. It doesn't help that I could sense her distance so I started pulling away too.

I thought it was something I could fix so I basically begged her to talk to me and sent her a long embarrassing message thinking thats what she wanted, and she did not lol

This girl is definitely unstable, but I am too in a few ways. I think we were definitely compatible and our emotional and physical chemistry was amazing. I'd really like to have another shot at this in the future, but right now I'm so embarrassed and want to clear up my behavior, but I know I need to let the dust settle for a couple months (and definitely work on myself) so that last impression of me isn't so vivid the next time she hears from me. I also don't want to come off as somebody still pining for her. I literally just want to get on talking terms with her again so we can at least try and be friends and do this right, so I'm trying to come off as casual as I can.

If you really liked somebody initially and had good chemistry and found them extremely attractive, how would you react to getting a message like this down the line if you were still single? (For the record I have acknowledged that she's crazy before so I don't think saying that at the end will make her upset lol)

For context I am a 32 year old man. Anxiously attached, always failed getting into relationships, awkward, autistic, etc. I met a 27 year old girl last month at the bar. Her attraction to me was in instantaneous to the point that she started kissing me less than 2 hours after meeting me. I denied her sex and was visibly upset by it. She seemed a bit unstable but after a week of thinking about it, I decided to seek her out after not giving her my phone number.

So we start talking and within the first few days, I ask her about her throwing herself at me and she said she knew she had to have me and couldn't resist herself. She made me feel absolutely attractive and irresistible and I ate it up. Within less than a week she starts love bombing me. I should've taken this as a red flag but had never experienced this so early and assumed she just REALLY liked me. She told me her search was over, how she hit the lottery, I can make her the happiest girl in the world and how she's ready to settle down. I took it very seriously and started doing it right back because I was so overwhelmed and overcome with affection.

So the next couple weeks are good morning texts, her waiting for me to get off work, stopping by randomly just to take walks and hold hands.... things were looking really good. Then she starts suddenly acting selfish and somewhat dismissive which put me on high alert mode and I start acting kind of erratic because I'm afraid things might go wrong.

The last time I saw her we went out to the bar. If was a great night and we sat there holding hands amidst all the noise and chaos as if we were the only people that existed. We went back to my apartment and kissed, held hands and spoke very intimately to each other until dawn. Talking about the future and how much we already mean to each other.

As I was walking her home she realizes she lost her phone and starts flipping out. I tell her to calm down and she turns on me. I lose my temper since I had been drinking all night and end up leaving her and walking back to my house (We were so close to her house too)

The next day I tried to apologize but she avoids it and the next few days is acting somewhat cold. Her good morning texts no longer have hearts and she's taking hours to respond to my messages. 3 days after the ordeal she accused me of cheating and I provided proof that I was in fact with my friend. She ends up turning on me and points out everything she hates about me. Things that weren't an issue last week or she even thought was cute about me. I spend the next 2 days trying to send her messages to get her back but to no avail.

The entire week I am absolutely losing my mind. I try to send her one long message trying to prove to her how much I care about her but it's met with her saying that I have deeper issues that she isn't willing to deal with. And that I need to move on. It's been almost 2 weeks since we last communicated but I am crushed.

I know she was toxic and unstable (she was drinking on anxiety meds and also has psychological issues that she didn't really disclose) but I seriously liked her and was willing to put work in to figure out how to make this work. We had amazing chemistry and I don't think she was faking it. I think me rejecting her initially, insisting that we wait for sex, actually got to know her personally without any ulterior motive really captured her heart. At least for a while.

I believe she is either avoidant or has BPD. I think is getting so emotionally intimate followed by me yelling and leaving her triggered abandonment wounds from her (she was also abused by exes) and she thought I was either unsafe or going to leave her so she felt she had to take matters into her own hands. She changed her reasoning for dumping me 3 times so I have to assume her brain just flipped on her because she was absolutely wild about me and was desperate for my affection. Nobody just loses attraction like that unless your brain is wired that way. The fact that she suddenly started zoning in on a new job, her kids and working out directly after dumping me makes me think she might be surpressing her feelings as well.

I really hope that down the road she realizes what she lost. Maybe we can try again in the future. I have had it happen years ago where a girl rejected me and I told her we couldn't be friends anymore for the sake of my mental health. I did no contact for 3 months and she realized how much she actually cared about me. I'm hoping that after she's done deregulating (something avoidants and BPD people do where they suddenly stop having feelings for you) she'll remember how good I really was to her.

I know she probably isn't good for me. Maybe in a few months I'll see that. But right now I am hurt. And I just want the hope she gave me and a reason to get out of bed every day. I just want to hope that maybe she'll come around and we can try again from scratch.

Last month I, an anxiously attached man got involved with a girl that I believe is FA (And has other mental disorders and drinks on anxiety meds. Yeah, I know.) The minute she saw me it was instant attraction. She starts talking to me, we play pool, do some shots and shortly after started kissing me. I didn't sleep with her but I decided to get ahold of her the next week after thinking about it (lots of red flags but I took the risk)

She started love bombing me about 4 days into talking. I gave it right back to her as I've never been love bombed and it was an intense rush of dopamine. We seemed to fall for each other VERY fast.

Because this was going so fast and I was so anxious, I started making mistakes. Oversharing, making myself too vulnerable and overall just talking to her too much. Very likely making her anxious. Cracks started showing our last week talking where I overwhelmed her, making her almost deregulate. The last night we were together, we had an amazing night. We went to the bar, went back to my place and spent the night holding hands, kissing, talking very intimately and how much we mean to each other.

I walk her home at 6 AM that morning and she realizes she lost her phone and flips her shit. Makes a lady come outside to where I thought she was going to call the cops. We end up getting into it because that behavior is unacceptable and I end up losing my temper and yelling "FUCK THIS" and turned around and walked home without saying bye. I think at this point she started deregulating.

The next day I try to apologize but she avoids the conversation. She spends all day sleeping (also a sign of deregulating?) and all that night too. The next few days she's pretty distant and is taking hours to respond. 3 days after that she waits for me to not respond to her immediately and then accused me of cheating. I give her proof I was with my friend and she starts going after my personality. All these things that didn't bother her or she thought was cute a week ago were suddenly a problem. Then she brings up me leaving her and yelling at her and tells me how mean I am.

The next week I try reaching out to her with a long message and she tells me that I have deeper issues that she isn't willing to deal with and that this was fun, but short lived and that she can't date a guy that got attached so quickly. I almost took screenshots of her love bombing me within 4 days of talking to show her how deep she thought we were but I knew it wouldn't do any good. That was the last time I interacted with her.

I have a feeling that after that fight, it opened up abandonment wounds and she decided to break it off before I could leave her. Not to mention that things were getting emotionally real the last time we were together. I think that mixed with the harshness of our fight may have been too much for her. I know from the first time we met that she does not take rejection well at all. I think within those few days she started devaluing me in her head and that's why she was cycling through reasons to drop me.

So I guess my question is, assuming that she is avoidant, do you think it might be possible to open a window in about 5 months or so after I'm no longer in this awful light? Her discard was harsh, but I know my anxious behavior was making her suspicious and me yelling and leaving her probably made her think that I was an unsafe person. She was so inconsistent with her reasoning that I think I'm just devalued and she's naming any reason that's at the top of her head, which right now there's a lot.

It's just hard to imagine that once I'm no longer in that bad light that she wouldn't remember that electric attraction we had. I also am likely one of the few guys that refused sex, got ahold of her later and actually got to know her personally. Something tells me there not an easy thing to forget when you're used to a bunch of guys giving you booty calls all the time. We even share the same name. We even agreed we were going to wait and get to know each other better to have sex. She was genuinely committed. She actually had to stop herself last time she was over because she was getting too tempted. I think she meant it. And I think there could still be something there.

Thank you for anybody that gives their opinion. I know I'm treading on dangerous territory over here, but she really took me. She may be hard to deal with but I saw the sweet affectionate girl inside of her and I felt genuine emotional chemistry between us. For a weird guy like me that has trouble emotionally connecting with people, love is so hard to come by. Even if the path is difficult, I absolutely have to try 🙂

For reference, I am a 32 year old anxious attachment (just learned about all this) male. Relatively inexperienced, haven't even attempted getting in a relationship in years and am autistic and struggle to make connections. I recently came out of addiction about 3 months before this and was still struggling with my serotonin so I was in a pretty vulnerable state. This story is long, but it was so intense the moment it starts and the entire thing feels like a surreal roller coaster.

Last month I decided to go to the bar on a random Monday. I meet this 27 year old girl that drops everything to make her way over to me. We play pool, talk and do shots. Within an hour of meeting each other she throws me up against the wall and starts kissing me. We are both WAY too drunk. I am basically in shock and ask her to slow down. She asks me to take her home and I tell her "I literally just met you." She starts crying because she feels rejected and basically starts throwing a fit while I stand there shocked with my eyes bugged out. We both end up getting a ride from a mutual aquaintance and she asks me for the 10th time if I can come inside. I say "No. You can't. Let me get ahold of you in a week or two and we can be friends first." She berates me, tells me she hates me and that I will never see her again. I stumble out of the car and she jumps out and chases after me. At that point I give in and let her come inside. I did not sleep with her, but she made setting boundaries an impossible task. Every time I told her to slow down she started crying and yelling asking what was so wrong with her. Eventually I convinced her to just let me walk her home.

The next week I'm thinking a lot about this wild encounter. I finally decided to get ahold of her because of "Wow she was really attractive. And she REALLY liked me. I don't care if this blows up in my face" stupid lonely male logic. When I reached out to her she was so excited because she couldn't locate me because my FB was set to private. We spend a couple days texting getting to know each other. She seemed wild but I actually liked her personality. She has more depth than I expected. About 3 days in I finally ask her directly about that night and she says "I just couldn't resist myself anymore. When I want something I grab it" which of course made me, who is very insecure, feel absolutely amazing. I never met a girl who made me feel irresistible.

Within the first week she starts absolutely love bombing me. Soul mate gibberish that I ate up. How she's never met anyone like me, how I could make her the happiest girl in the world and she's ready to settle down and be forever with somebody. I have never dealt with love bombing and did not see the red flags. I ate it up and gave it right back to her. I meant every bit of what I said too. This leads to good morning texts as soon as she would wake up, texting for hours, dropping by on her way home just so we could hold hands and take a walk.... things were really looking promising and I had a reason to wake up every day. We even agreed to wait to sleep together until the moment was right, and I wanted to show her that I was actually different and didn't just want to use her.

Within a few weeks though the cracks start showing. We were supposed to go on our first public date and 15 minutes before meeting up, she has a fight with her mom that sends her to pieces. She tells me that she'll let me know how she feels in a while if she calmed down, but instead she leaves me hanging all night sending 3 word texts. I am sitting here awaiting her answer and she sends me "I put on a movie and I'm starting to feel a little better." I am of course thinking "I'm over here waiting for an answer and you tell me you put on a movie instead!?" Something I would NEVER thinking of doing to somebody I liked.

This puts me in a weird head space because I feel like I've been rejected in a strange way and has me thinking about another girl I was involved with years ago but not dating and how bad she messed with my head. So a few days later I bring her up (not the first time, but she has brought up her exes a few times) and she misunderstands it as me missing her and has her first blowup on me. I am immediately the bad guy, she can't trust me and now she has to watch her back. She gives me the silent treatment almost through my entire shift at work and it was hell.

Suddenly she messages me about 5 hours later asking what I was doing. I was so relieved. She apologized for being so mean to me which was really appreciated. She asks me if I'll meet her at the bar for a few drinks and I tell her I get off work in an hour in a half. She said she would love it if I could meet her. 15 minutes before leaving work, she texts me "I just had 6 drinks in an hour so I'm pretty drunk and walking home." She chose getting drunk over me. At this point I'm wondering if this is all worth it. I feel so unimportant at this point and she then tells me she's going to meet me later, but then decides to back out again. Two times in one day is too much for somebody like me.

I very sheepishly express that I'm hurt and she says "So do you just wanna stop talking? Because if I'm gonna keep making you upset I don't want to deal with this." At this point I'm panicking trying to explain myself and I just end up caving in and telling her "Yes, I am overreacting. You're right." At that point I knew I was in for a mentally abusive relationship and she knew she had the power.

The next night we finally go out to the bar together. We had a great night and talked deeply together holding hands amidst all the noise as if we were the only people there. At the end of the night I get into a verbal fight with a guy which immediately turned her on. We kiss in the alley and then go back to my place. The rest of the night together was amazing. We sat in my living room, holding hands, kissing and talking very intimately about how much we already mean to each other and the future we're going to have. Things couldn't have felt more perfect.

So I walk her home around 6 AM. She realizes she lost her phone and starts screaming about it in front of somebody's house which makes them come outside. I, who have been drinking bourbon all night, have no tolerance for that and start yelling at her to calm down. She yells back and all my pent up annoyance at her for the past week all comes out in uncontrolled screaming and me storming off back home without saying bye. I think this is what did us in.

The next morning I wake up remembering what happened and felt awful. I message her asking if she found her phone and tried to apologize about what happened but that I had a great time otherwise. She avoids the conversation and responds with "I'm hungover" and the next few days are cold and weird. From then on she is taking hours to respond to me or even check to see if I said anything back. I spend all of Tuesday getting rid of clutter, cleaning my fridge out and deep cleaning just to make the place nicer for her. That night I took a walk with my friend and that was the end.

When I get home I see that she messaged me an hour ago saying that she just cooked dinner and I told her that I just took a walk and said the bugs were bad and getting in my friend's hair. She immediately gets suspicious saying that I am definitely hiding something. I am so confused and panicked at this point. I send her screenshots of me messaging him telling me I'm picking him up and other bits of proof that I was not talking to another girl. She then redirects her anger into my personality. Saying that she finds me boring and that all I do is say "sorry sorry sorry." She tells me I have 28 different personalities and that who I seem to be when I text her is a different guy than I am in person. She uses me yelling at that guy (again, this excited her) as an example and ultimately ends with saying how horrible I was for yelling at her and then turning around and leaving. She says "You're very mean" and with an eyebrow raised I reply with "I am REALLY not very mean at all."

She didn't even tell me we were over. She made posts about it. I had to work a 12 hour shift the next day and didn't even sleep more than 45 minutes that night. I spend the next 2 days trying to explain and prove that I wasn't cheating to her but with no response. She straight up gaslit me and I was losing my mind the entire week. She spends the entire week posting about being cheated on, ghosting and how miserable she is. Naturally, I thought she was trying to bait me into sending her one final passionate attempt in showing her how dedicated I really am to her.

I spend FOREVER concocting this message. I had 3 drafts. I completely poured my heart out and made myself as vulnerable as I have to anybody in a decade. She responds with "This is so much typing omg" and then basically mocks me. She said I have deep issues that she is not willing to deal with in a grown man. She tells me that she can't date somebody that thought we were getting deep after a short amount of time and that I need to take this as a life lesson and date somebody more suited my personality and lifestyle. I was crushed and speechless. I took screenshots showing how "deep" she was getting into this after just a few days because she made me feel like the broken one here. I just left it be and told her "If you hadn't played with me and gaslit me after having the worse year of my life I wouldn't have resorted to acting like this" and left it at that. She can't be reasoned with at this point anyways.

So that's where I am. It's been two weeks, but being blindsided and discarded like that still has my head pretty messed up. I truly thought there was a future for us. I didn't even know people like this actually existed. I understand that she's very unstable. I knew that from the beginning. I just truly can't believe somebody could go from absolutely adoring me and begging for my affection to despising me in 3 days. It makes no sense to me. All I did in that time was do my best to make her happy and feel loved. All I've been able to do is research avoidant attachment as much as possible to understand what the hell happened.

I think what happened was initially, me rejecting her triggered a sort of trauma in her head that made her want to chase me. I think she truly did feel a deep connection early on. I don't believe anybody would fake acting like that and stopping to randomly see me just so we could be together for a while. She told me from the beginning that she's terrified of me leaving her or having a secret girlfriend. That put me on guard and had me over explaining everything. I think once I made that comment about the girl from 10 years ago, it put her in panic mode. I think once we had that night and were just sitting there holding each other talking intimately and seriously, things suddenly became real. Once I flipped on her and walked off without saying goodbye, I think at that moment she decided that if she didn't end this, I was going to leave her. It's just sad how it went down before it could really pick up.

I know she sounds toxic and she absolutely is. That doesn't change the fact that in a short amount of time we made ourselves vulnerable with each other and smothered each other with nonstop affection for weeks. I really liked her. I still do. Maybe it does have to do with me being lonely but I don't care. I get attached to people that I share affection with. I'm only two weeks in after the discard, but I keep hoping that in a few months I'll hear from her again. I'm almost completely confident that I'm the only guy that voluntarily withheld sex for the sake of getting to know her better. I'm hoping that after she hits that next stage of her deactivation that her emotions she's been suppressing forcibly have to be dealt with and she'll realize that she actually did meet somebody that was going to give her everything she wanted in life. Maybe I shouldn't hold my breath though.

If you read all of this, thank you. I know it seems ridiculous to be so upset after such a short lived "relationship" but the way it ended with so much cruelty and indifference has my mind messed up in a way I didn't really know was possible

I decided that I was never going to move on with my life unless I sent her something at least attempting at reconciliation or at the very least, get closure over what happened. Before she never sees me or hears from me again she is going to know how I felt.

I really think we should talk to each other face to face. Like two adults that cared about each other would. I don't think you understand how horrible and traumatizing it was for somebody that I cared for so much to just split on me like that with no warning. It's like you became a completely different person. There is literally a mountain of evidence I could've shown you that I was not seeing anybody else. I don't think that would've mattered though. I think that once you decided that I was a piece of shit that there was nothing that could've made you think otherwise.

I don't think you understand how clumsy and rusty I was at "talking to someone" like this. You accused me of playing a shy inexperienced act when nobody would ever do that because that does not get you anywhere with most women. When we started talking you made me feel ways that nobody in this world ever did. You made me feel like the most important person in the world. And that I could save you from your pain. I actually believed you and thought I could be your peace like you said you wanted. I was prepared to give my entire life to you. I was going to accept and help take care of your kids with you. You told me you have psychological issues and I would've worked with them and learned how to deal with it and did my best to make you happy. I have deep traumatic mental and emotional issues too. I was just trying to hide them from you because I thought it would scare you away. I was so afraid of you seeing the obsessed side of me that throws every bit of myself down the drain just to make a girl happy. But maybe that's what I would've had to do for you to believe that I cared about you.

The whole time my friends were telling me to be careful. I understood why, but I didn't think anything like this would ever happen. Part of me regrets seeking you out after meeting you but the fucked up trauma ridden part of me is just glad that I got a little bit of affection for a few weeks. I don't think you even actually believed I was seeing another girl. I think after we had that fight when I walked you home you suddenly decided that I was a terrible person and were waiting for the one moment you could accuse me of something awful because you were acting weird and distant those 3 days after it happened and taking hours to answer a simple text. I knew something was wrong and that's why I started acting so weird in my texts. I knew I was walking on eggshells. I wanted to talk about it and tried to apologize but instead you totally deflected it.

So yeah that's where I am with this. I'm trying to go on with my life psychologically but I don't think I can until I get some kind of closure. If you can actually find yourself to talk to me about this, I'm willing to try. There's a part of me that's always going to want to leave a window open because I had such high hopes for us.

By the way, if you really don't want to work this out then at some point I'm dropping your perfume and vape off. I'm just letting you know so you don't think I'm stalking you. But I can't let your things, especially one that smells like you just sit in my cabinet forever and because otherwise I will never move on. I don't have it in me to throw it away because it's yours. You don't ever have to hear from me or see me again if that's what you want but I needed to at least attempt to reconcile or at least get closure because you have no clue how fucked up my head is right now.