AIO? Is this fully cheating?
** long-ish so buckle in**
A couple of years ago I caught my then fiancé, now husband sending explicit messages with someone else. I put in a lot of work emotionally to get to a place of acceptance and forgiveness and I thought he did to and we have the most amazing marriage. Or so I thought.. until now. Two days ago I went through his phone for giggles, not looking for anything at all as I fully trust(ed) him. First app that was open when I unlocked it was snapchat. The first thing I see? A nude women on a private story. Why was my husband on someone's private story? What is going on? Out of pure curiosity, fully expecting to find absolutely nothing, I opened their message thread- AND THERE IS WAS. Nude photos of this woman. Weirdest part was they were screenshots from an explicit website. He swears up and down that they were screenshots, sent to him to send back. That? makes zero sense to me. I confront him (at 3 am.. because I'm not only pissed but distraught). He sticks to this story and I try my best to control my emotions as we have company. Im asking who is she? where did she come from? He said he didn't know who she was.
The next day, I looked at the photos again... at first all I saw and cared about was the tits. but then it hit me.... we know her. WE KNOW THIS WOMAN. not only do we know her but in college, they had feelings for one another! I confronted her thinking his story was CRAP and she pretty much confirmed what he said expect for the fact that he wasn't added to this private story he ADDED HIMSELF and she was under the impression that our marriage was OPEN (it very much IS NOT). I am feeling completely betrayed in more ways than one. The lying, the cheating, the deception. Knowing he would have never said a word and probably continued this had I not seen. I dont know how or even if I can move on from this. Any advice is helpful. I am still so lost. I love my husband more than I can put into words but now im having a lot of trouble believing he loves me the same and is he just staying and saying he does so he doesnt look like a terrible person? or does he mean it. One time I can believe is a fluke and a mess up but this? So… am i overreacting or is this something that’s going to continue even if he is telling me 1, it won’t and 2, that he will put in the work and do everything in his power build my trust up again. I’m torn because we did this once. Now it’s worse and we have to go through it again….