u/DearChip2107

Ok here goes,

I am new to this community and last night I posted in a different community asking if my husband is controlling. After explaining what happens a few replies were in fact - Rape.

Basically my husband of 17 years and we have been together for 20 years makes me feel guilty, tries to bribe me and will get extremely angry/grumpy and his personality changes to the most horrible man ever and will pick a fight over anything at all if we don’t have sex for maximum 3 days.

Now I understand that people have needs but I am a mother of 3 children (2 under 5 years old) We had a business which is in the process of administration and to top it off myself and kids got caught up in the Dubai War situation and now back in the UK staying with family.

Even after the birth of my children (All C section’s) I have had to tell him to be patient with me as I can barely move let alone be intimate. I would then get - I want to feel close to you blah blah.

When it comes around to “doing the deed” or even just lying in bed and I am exhausted my eyes are shut I get woken up by him banging around to wake me up so we can be intimate as I have promised him and i probably do promise him from the night before we would have sex the night after if i have fallen asleep.

He will purposely try and keep me awake or fight and shout at me until all hours of the night / morning until I give in or he will tell me the marriage is over as I can’t meet his needs etc and sometimes he actually leaves the room and sleeps downstairs in-fact one evening he left the house altogether.

My husband is living in the UAE and we are separated but since I have been gone loads of things are now starting to come about his behaviour. The longer I’m away the more I start to notice this.

For example - When I was in the UAE I asked permission to go to a hotel pool with friends and after I got there he was grumpy and angry that I went - his friends didn’t like the hotel pool I was at as it has a reputation for “escorts” 😳

I ended up leaving as I was worried sick that he was going to kick off at me over this even though I asked his permission.

He hasn’t physically punched me but over the years he has strangled me, threw me across the floor etc and he got arrested but let out 2 days later as i felt horrendous and guilty for the police coming.

There is so much more I can write about it but I don’t know what to do….

Has anyone else gone through this? It is playing on my mind and I just need to understand how to process this and what my action plan is.

He is now making up random lies and trying to “catch me out” when all I am currently doing is sharing a bed with my 2 young kids and the 3rd is on the floor on a mattress in the living room.

While I make plans on what to do with life.

Hello,

First time poster here.

I have a lot going on right now in life. Business has failed, 3 young children. We are on the brink of losing our home also due to business failure.

I’ll try to keep this short. Husband has been trying to build a business in the UAE and the business collapsed in the UK. Myself and kids went to the UAE over xmas for a couple of months and got stuck in the war.

Myself and children are living in Parents house in the UK unsure of what to do with the future. ( do we stay in the UK) or return to the UAE.

We have been together for 20 years and married for 17 years. I think my husband is controlling.

We have had our ups and downs (never strayed on both sides) but my husband is always very very angry and shouts and swears a lot. I am not innocent as I will argue back but If we aren’t intimate for a few days he is very very grumpy and his personality changes.

I eventually become intimate with him to get peace and quiet and to stop his mood swings.

I do not enjoy being intimate with him but i cant deal with the mood swings and the arguments it causes.
He wants to keep the fighting going until all hours in the morning or until i give in and have sex.

He says things like i should want to be intimate with him and if i don’t we are not meant to be in a relationship anymore. I am selfish etc etc.

He can’t live his life without his needs being satisfied (the list goes on). Our oldest child does not like him.

Yesterday my husband was lying to me and my son and told us two different things that happened for example - he questioned my son on what i had been talking to my son about on the phone.

Then said something completely different to me and basically admitted that he was just lying to catch me out….although I hadn’t done anything.

When the war started in the UAE my husband said I was being over dramatic and the Alerts are just like you get in America for flood warnings.

I wanted to leave the UAE as the sounds of the missiles getting intercepted were horrific and my children were starting to get affected by the sounds.

When I spoke to my husband about leaving he refused to leave with us for a few weeks till it settled down.

I told him I would have a think over that weekend but he was making such a fuss over it he basically made me book flights for the next day and me and my children flew back to the UK.

He then made out I had planned to leave anyway and had been planning it out with my parents.

The night before i left he throw an object at the back of my head at full force from the other side of the room and it really hurt my children saw it. My son stuck up for me and almost got into a fight with his dad.

We are constantly arguing over the phone. I have been feeling this way for a very very long time and I honestly don’t think I am in love with him anymore. I find him just a horrible person but I am stuck and I have nothing.

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? I truly feel like I am in a situation where I want to leave, but I can’t leave and the fact he is in the UAE doesn’t bother me I Don’t want him to return to the UK

As I’m enjoy him not being here. There is so much more to this but far to long to type.

I have been recommended to post this here.

Thank you

Hello,

First time poster here.

I have a lot going on right now in life. Business has failed, 3 young children. We are on the brink of losing our home also due to business failure.

I’ll try to keep this short. Husband has been trying to build a business in the UAE and the business collapsed in the UK. Myself and kids went to the UAE over xmas for a couple of months and got stuck in the war.

Myself and children are living in Parents house in the UK unsure of what to do with the future. ( do we stay in the UK) or return to the UAE.

We have been together for 20 years and married for 17 years. I think my husband is controlling.

We have had our ups and downs (never strayed on both sides) but my husband is always very very angry and shouts and swears a lot. I am not innocent as I will argue back but If we aren’t intimate for a few days he is very very grumpy and his personality changes.

I eventually become intimate with him to get peace and quiet and to stop his mood swings.

I do not enjoy being intimate with him but i cant deal with the mood swings and the arguments it causes.
He wants to keep the fighting going until all hours in the morning or until i give in and have sex.

He says things like i should want to be intimate with him and if i don’t we are not meant to be in a relationship anymore. I am selfish etc etc.

He can’t live his life without his needs being satisfied (the list goes on). Our oldest child does not like him.

Yesterday my husband was lying to me and my son and told us two different things that happened for example - he questioned my son on what i had been talking to my son about on the phone.

Then said something completely different to me and basically admitted that he was just lying to catch me out….although I hadn’t done anything.

When the war started in the UAE my husband said I was being over dramatic and the Alerts are just like you get in America for flood warnings.

I wanted to leave the UAE as the sounds of the missiles getting intercepted were horrific and my children were starting to get affected by the sounds.

When I spoke to my husband about leaving he refused to leave with us for a few weeks till it settled down.

I told him I would have a think over that weekend but he was making such a fuss over it he basically made me book flights for the next day and me and my children flew back to the UK.

He then made out I had planned to leave anyway and had been planning it out with my parents.

The night before i left he throw an object at the back of my head at full force from the other side of the room and it really hurt my children saw it. My son stuck up for me and almost got into a fight with his dad.

We are constantly arguing over the phone. I have been feeling this way for a very very long time and I honestly don’t think I am in love with him anymore. I find him just a horrible person but I am stuck and I have nothing.

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? I truly feel like I am in a situation where I want to leave, but I can’t leave and the fact he is in the UAE doesn’t bother me I Don’t want him to return to the UK

As I’m enjoy him not being here. There is so much more to this but far to long to type