u/Cross_Over_123

I have been looking to get married on my own for a very long time since my parents, particulary my father do not seem to be interested in that topic despite me being almost 30. Half a year ago I have met this wonderful brother and from the start my wali has for some reason made it very hard for me to meet him. Eventually he did meet him, things went well and I also got to see him for a second time. My dad has then agreed and promised to invite the guy’s family over after Ramadan. That unfortunately got postponed due to my dad suddenly travelling to my home country for a month and also some personal circumstances in the life of my potential.

He has finally arrived this week and plans to leave in another two for Eid, so I asked him, if it is possible to meet the guy and his family now. Per usual, my dad has negatively surprised me and suddenly told me it is too early to meet the family. I was confused and asked what is going on, he did not want to give me more information, stayed silent and just told me to do whatever I want. The next day I tried talking to him again and he was even more irritated and annoyed asking me why do I even want to meet the family (because we can only get married ending of the year) and that, if the family comes, it means things are already set in stone. He did not even understand what there is to talk about saying I am not marrying his family, there is no need to meet even his sisters or ask more questions. In the end I did manage to set a date for the meeting which the guy's family has yet to approve. But I was told I need to coordinate this on my own.

The bigger problem now is that he stays in my homecountry for months during the summer and there was no interest in him coming back and finding out more about the family his daughter his marrying into during that time. He even stated there is no need to have any further meetings with him or them personally as in what is there to discuss. We are not from a culture where people get arranged marriages or do not meet at all, so I do not know where his thinking is from. Anyways, due to being extremely emotional about it and also wanting to be transparent i did confide to my potential that my dad can be difficult. He partly understood but also expressed great discomfort in our families not being able to meet several times and pushing the marriage date further away. He told me I need to talk to him more and bring some clarity on how I can make them meet without months passing. I assured him i will do my best for us, but i regretted having opened up. He was less empathetic and more realistic which I can understand. I am also afraid I made him worry too much about my difficult family situation and hesitant to get married to me because I have such a father.

I feel very alone in this situation and feel like my dad is manipulating the situation. My mom has no voice in my family as he is quite dominant and controlling, i have no other family to turn to yet alone a trusted imam. I am afraid the guy or his family will get fed up and get a bad impression of him which would ruin my future…
How can i talk to my dad when he is being so difficult? I am very serious about the brother and realise it is my life, but I am lacking confidence in front of my dad due to his very high temper.

I have been looking to get married on my own for a very long time since my parents, particulary my father do not seem to be interested in that topic despite me being almost 30. Half a year ago I have met this wonderful brother and from the start my wali has for some reason made it very hard for me to meet him. Eventually he did meet him, things went well and I also got to see him for a second time. My dad has then agreed and promised to invite the guy’s family over after Ramadan. That unfortunately got postponed due to my dad suddenly travelling to my home country for a month and also some personal circumstances in the life of my potential.

He has finally arrived this week and plans to leave in another two for Eid, so I asked him, if it is possible to meet the guy and his family now. Per usual, my dad has negatively surprised me and suddenly told me it is too early to meet the family. I was confused and asked what is going on, he did not want to give me more information, stayed silent and just told me to do whatever I want. The next day I tried talking to him again and he was even more irritated and annoyed asking me why do I even want to meet the family (because we can only get married ending of the year) and that, if the family comes, it means things are already set in stone. He did not even understand what there is to talk about saying I am not marrying his family, there is no need to meet even his sisters or ask more questions. In the end I did manage to set a date for the meeting which the guy's family has yet to approve. But I was told I need to coordinate this on my own.

The bigger problem now is that he stays in my homecountry for months during the summer and there was no interest in him coming back and finding out more about the family his daughter his marrying into during that time. He even stated there is no need to have any further meetings with him or them personally as in what is there to discuss. We are not from a culture where people get arranged marriages or do not meet at all, so I do not know where his thinking is from. Anyways, due to being extremely emotional about it and also wanting to be transparent i did confide to my potential that my dad can be difficult. He partly understood but also expressed great discomfort in our families not being able to meet several times and pushing the marriage date further away. He told me I need to talk to him more and bring some clarity on how I can make them meet without months passing. I assured him i will do my best for us, but i regretted having opened up. He was less empathetic and more realistic which I can understand. I am also afraid I made him worry too much about my difficult family situation and hesitant to get married to me because I have such a father.

I feel very alone in this situation and feel like my dad is manipulating the situation. My mom has no voice in my family as he is quite dominant and controlling, i have no other family to turn to yet alone a trusted imam. I am afraid the guy or his family will get fed up and get a bad impression of him which would ruin my future…
How can i talk to my dad when he is being so difficult? I am very serious about the brother and realise it is my life, but I am lacking confidence in front of my dad due to his very high temper.

I have been looking to get married on my own for a very long time since my parents, particulary my father do not seem to be interested in that topic despite me being almost 30. Half a year ago I have met this wonderful brother and from the start my wali has for some reason made it very hard for me to meet him. Eventually he did meet him, things went well and I also got to see him for a second time. My dad has then agreed and promised to invite the guy’s family over after Ramadan. That unfortunately got postponed due to my dad suddenly travelling to my home country for a month and also some personal circumstances in the life of my potential.

He has finally arrived this week and plans to leave in another two for Eid, so I asked him, if it is possible to meet the guy and his family now. Per usual, my dad has negatively surprised me and suddenly told me it is too early to meet the family. I was confused and asked what is going on, he did not want to give me more information, stayed silent and just told me to do whatever I want. The next day I tried talking to him again and he was even more irritated and annoyed asking me why do I even want to meet the family (because we can only get married ending of the year) and that, if the family comes, it means things are already set in stone. He did not even understand what there is to talk about saying I am not marrying his family, there is no need to meet even his sisters or ask more questions. In the end I did manage to set a date for the meeting which the guy's family has yet to approve. But I was told I need to coordinate this on my own.

The bigger problem now is that he stays in my homecountry for months during the summer and there was no interest in him coming back and finding out more about the family his daughter his marrying into during that time. He even stated there is no need to have any further meetings with him or them personally as in what is there to discuss. We are not from a culture where people get arranged marriages or do not meet at all, so I do not know where his thinking is from. Anyways, due to being extremely emotional about it and also wanting to be transparent i did confide to my potential that my dad can be difficult. He partly understood but also expressed great discomfort in our families not being able to meet several times and pushing the marriage date further away. He told me I need to talk to him more and bring some clarity on how I can make them meet without months passing. I assured him i will do my best for us, but i regretted having opened up. He was less empathetic and more realistic which I can understand. I am also afraid I made him worry too much about my difficult family situation and hesitant to get married to me because I have such a father.

I feel very alone in this situation and feel like my dad is manipulating the situation. My mom has no voice in my family as he is quite dominant and controlling, i have no other family to turn to yet alone a trusted imam. I am afraid the guy or his family will get fed up and get a bad impression of him which would ruin my future…
How can i talk to my dad when he is being so difficult? I am very serious about the brother and realise it is my life, but I am lacking confidence in front of my dad due to his very high temper.

I have been looking to get married on my own for a very long time since my parents, particulary my father do not seem to be interested in that topic despite me being almost 30. Half a year ago I have met this wonderful brother and from the start my wali has for some reason made it very hard for me to meet him. Eventually he did meet him, things went well and I also got to see him for a second time. My dad has then agreed and promised to invite the guy’s family over after Ramadan. That unfortunately got postponed due to my dad suddenly travelling to my home country for a month and also some personal circumstances in the life of my potential.

He has finally arrived this week and plans to leave in another two for Eid, so I asked him, if it is possible to meet the guy and his family now. Per usual, my dad has negatively surprised me and suddenly told me it is too early to meet the family. I was confused and asked what is going on, he did not want to give me more information, stayed silent and just told me to do whatever I want. The next day I tried talking to him again and he was even more irritated and annoyed asking me why do I even want to meet the family (because we can only get married ending of the year) and that, if the family comes, it means things are already set in stone. He did not even understand what there is to talk about saying I am not marrying his family, there is no need to meet even his sisters or ask more questions. In the end I did manage to set a date for the meeting which the guy's family has yet to approve. But I was told I need to coordinate this on my own.

The bigger problem now is that he stays in my homecountry for months during the summer and there was no interest in him coming back and finding out more about the family his daughter his marrying into during that time. He even stated there is no need to have any further meetings with him or them personally as in what is there to discuss. We are not from a culture where people get arranged marriages or do not meet at all, so I do not know where his thinking is from. Anyways, due to being extremely emotional about it and also wanting to be transparent i did confide to my potential that my dad can be difficult. He partly understood but also expressed great discomfort in our families not being able to meet several times and pushing the marriage date further away. He told me I need to talk to him more and bring some clarity on how I can make them meet without months passing. I assured him i will do my best for us, but i regretted having opened up. He was less empathetic and more realistic which I can understand. I am also afraid I made him worry too much about my difficult family situation and hesitant to get married to me because I have such a father.

I feel very alone in this situation and feel like my dad is manipulating the situation. My mom has no voice in my family as he is quite dominant and controlling, i have no other family to turn to yet alone a trusted imam. I am afraid the guy or his family will get fed up and get a bad impression of him which would ruin my future…
How can i talk to my dad when he is being so difficult? I am very serious about the brother and realise it is my life, but I am lacking confidence in front of my dad due to his very high temper.