u/CrimeJunkieAsh

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I feel really depressed been feeling that for months now I can't do anything can't get out of bed failing my classes barely have any interaction with people I talk to like this one guy cuz well I like him and he somewhat understands me sometimes ig but I wanna ghost him too every conversation with him drains me now

I don't know what to do life has lost all meaning I'm just existing everyday atp everything and everyone drains me out can barely eat got hospitalized for like starvation and dehydration a few days back they put me on all of this stuff my body is lacking just got home and i feel worse

My whole house is a mess there are food packs everywhere dirty dishes i don't like living like this but I just don't have the energy to clean all of this I can't even get out of bed most days showering and even getting up to brush my teeth is so difficult somedays I just wanna curl up and die tbh this isn't getting better it never does

Relapsed after almost a whole year of being clean and i feel so bad about it cuz I managed to stay clean for so long but then went back to it but it isn't helping now idk why even after cutting and burning myself I feel nothing absolutely nothing

Going to the hospital with all those cuts and scars on my hands was so embarrassing tbh the nurses when they were putting the iv drips were judging the whole experience was so bad tbh sitting alone there while people around me were being cared for by their families and friends really lonely and depressing time honestly

Idk what to do anymore

I wanna die there isn't anything to live for anymore it keeps getting worse each day that little hope in me that maybe things will get better died a long time ago but idk why I'm still alive

I'm 17 and my mom and I have a very complicated relationship ig we aren't close but we aren't exactly on bad terms either. She was kinda really abusive and neglected me all my childhood. She and my dad never had a good relationship ever since I can remember they fought like they couldn't be in the same room without screaming at each other. And their fights were mostly really violent and abusive. They loved calling the cops on each other for domestic abuse. There was a year it was my bday and i spent like the whole night till like 2-3 am at the police station. Probably the worst bday tbh. I still remember everything my dad said to me that day, still hurts a lot to remember that. That has been my life tbh we moved a lot cuz my mom used to live in another state before she married my dad so she used to just leave him and go back to her home town. They literally used to change my school mid year. I've changed like 7 schools so far and it was kinda really difficult man like just when you settle in and start enjoying school they change everything. They didn't divorce tho till the end they didn't. My dad died 2 years ago. He had a heart attack possibly cuz of all the stress he was under plus he was sick. He was actually going to attend a court proceeding in like a case my mom filled. Died all alone during the train ride. And i kinda blame my mom for it. He was sick and she left him all alone. And all the stress she put him through all these years. He wasn't the best he was abusive and alcoholic but be we wasn't a bad dad. Tbh he never even got to be a dad to me properly I live with him for like barely half of my life. I missed out on so much time with him bcuz of my mom. I hate her but shes all I have. She doesn't physically abuse me anymore but she still does it mentally even more than before ig. I dread being home whenever she's at home. She isn't that bad tho at times. She does work hard to raise me ig. Works a lot and tries her best ig. We talk and stuff but whenever she tries to get close it's just uncomfortable tbh.

I have this friend we've been friends since like the 3rd grade but we stopped talking in the 10th grade ig we used to talk daily before that I kinda stopped talking to her cuz she's just so annoying like I can't be friends with anyone else if I even talk about another person she'll be mad and if I don't seen her text the exact moment she send it she'll be mad so it was like the first day of 10th grade in coaching and i was just trying to socialize with other people and she just so mad afterwards so i just had enough and stopped talking to her and now i text her sometimes cuz she texts me we're in the same school so I most of the time ask her about school cuz I barely go there we can't Obv talk about anything else yk we're not close I don't think we ever were well idk about her but never felt like she was my " best friend " as she calls it so she just sent me a long ass paragraph about how bad of a friend I am and that i only talk to her when I need help with something and yk what made me more distant to her i ghosted her a while back i didn't talk to anyone at that time honestly and when I spoke to her later she was mad that i ghosted her which is like okay I ghost you but then I go on explaining it to her like my dad died I had to move cites leave my whole life behind and all that so yea I was struggling that's why I didn't talk to you and then SHE WAS STILL MAD like i could've told her and then ghosted her idk what to do she keeps sending me these long paragraphs

I feel really depressed. I can't get anything done I can barely get out of bed most days I'm missing out on my classes cuz I just can't get myself out of bed let alone go to my classes. I don't even have friends anymore. I don't like people anymore cuz I'd have to put in so much efforts to talk to them to listen to them and all that, don't like going out anymore, it's like i haven't been out of my room in weeks now, i don't even text people anymore cuz I'd have to met up with them so I'd rather totally ignore them cuz I just can't put in the efforts. I feel really alone and lonely. It's been like that for months. I try to distract myself but nothing seems to work for long. I lost interest in basically everything I once loved. However much I try to fix everything i just keep going down and down. I try i really try every day. I try to be better. But every day i keep taking a step backwards. Its like every day since a few years has been going exactly the same. Nothing works im just depressed all the time. I can't even cry anymore. I used to cut myself but I don't do it anymore been clean for a while now but I can't stop the urges anymore. I honestly don't wanna do this anymore I'm tired. I'm tired of life. I can't to this anymore. It keep getting bad and bad every day. I think about killing myself all the time but I just can't do it. I don't have any reason to stay alive tbh my life is meaningless. no one would even care if I die. One of these days I will probably do it. I can't do this anymore I'm tired really tired

I have this friend, he has been through a lot.. it genuinely makes me cry sometimes when he tells about the stuff he went through. Things are a bit better now but he feels really exhausted and empty all the time. He tries to act fine, drowns himself in work to avoid feeling like that but at the end of the he's still depressed. He often tells me that he wanted to kill himself.. cuz he's just so tired of life and however much he tries it just doesn't get better. He has suicidal thoughts all the time, he says won't kill himself but he attempted suicide once so I'm really scared for him..

He's been losing more people recently, someone either completely ghosts him or just suddenly goes cold with no explanation that has been making things worse for him recently. He's genuinely a really nice guy, kind, helpful and someone I look up to idk why life keeps torturing him.. i wanna help him. I text him almost everyday, check up on him and try my best to comfort him when he vents. But I don't think that's helping what More can I do for him so he doesn't feel so lonely and depressed? Is there something I could help him with so he doesn't feel so empty?