u/Creepy_Maximum3691

well ive been seeing a 20 years old 5w4 intj sp/sx girl (with adhd if that adds anything) for like 6 months now and im honestly a bit confused about what this is turning into. btw im an xnfp 4w5, so keep this in mind.

we started off pretty casual, mostly texting on instagram. im the one who usually sends the first msg. she usually replies late and short. in february, i didnt text her for 3 weeks and then she texted me "i was not able to write you for a while. i actually wanted to write but im not good at starting conversations, so i was writing and deleting and i decided to be honest". after this message i invited her to a date, then we finally met in person after 3 months (in march)

so far we’ve met 3 times but each time the hangouts got longer. first one was a few hours (just coffee and some walking), then like 7 hours (coffee, food, beer, walking), and the last one went to like 10 hours (coffee, food, walking) and ended around 1am.

in the last meetup there was also a weird but kind of interesting moment. she had an online class in the evening, and at first she was planning to go home around 7pm. i reminded her that and after thinking a while she said it will be okay, she basically joined her class sitting next to me in a cafe, but she didnt focus on it, we continued to talk. i mean we spent almost the whole day together in a very normal and comfortable way.

there’s usually like a one month gap between meetups and we don’t really text that often in between. it’s pretty low effort communication overall

when we actually meet though it feels really good

- like she’s super talkative, engaged, laughs a lot, no awkward silence stuff

- she shows me her playlists, her photos, and shares some personal details

- she seems very comfortable staying longer without rushing to leave

- there’s also some small physical stuff like sitting close, light touches on shoulder etc

- and she’s been fine with me driving her home late at night

but at the same time there’s basically no initiative outside of that

- she rarely texts first

- doesn’t really push for plans

- sometimes replies late or forgets to respond

- and there’s been no clear “so what are we” type conversation or anything like that

- there are only a few times we've texted for more than 30 minutes(btw she once sent me a 3 minutes voice message and in the end of that message she says "oh it's too long, i hope you will listen to, but that's okay if you don't, i can tell you again another time")

i’ve already kind of shown interest but not in a super direct confession way. but im pretty sure she knows that im into her.

what’s messing with my head is the contrast. in person it feels very natural, long, and almost intimate in a way. but outside of that it feels super low investment

so im trying to figure out if this is

- slow burn romantic interest

- just strong comfort / friendship energy

- or just her personality being low initiative and chill without it meaning much romantically

would appreciate any input, especially from people who are into mbti or just have seen this type of dynamic before

well ive been seeing a 20 years old 5w4 intj sp/sx girl (with adhd if that adds anything) for like 6 months now and im honestly a bit confused about what this is turning into. btw im an xnfp 4w5, so keep this in mind.

we started off pretty casual, mostly texting on instagram. im the one who usually sends the first msg. she usually replies late and short. in february, i didnt text her for 3 weeks and then she texted me "i was not able to write you for a while. i actually wanted to write but im not good at starting conversations, so i was writing and deleting and i decided to be honest". after this message i invited her to a date, then we finally met in person after 3 months (in march)

so far we’ve met 3 times but each time the hangouts got longer. first one was a few hours (just coffee and some walking), then like 7 hours (coffee, food, beer, walking), and the last one went to like 10 hours (coffee, food, walking) and ended around 1am.

in the last meetup there was also a weird but kind of interesting moment. she had an online class in the evening, and at first she was planning to go home around 7pm. i reminded her that and after thinking a while she said it will be okay, she basically joined her class sitting next to me in a cafe, but she didnt focus on it, we continued to talk. i mean we spent almost the whole day together in a very normal and comfortable way.

there’s usually like a one month gap between meetups and we don’t really text that often in between. it’s pretty low effort communication overall

when we actually meet though it feels really good

- like she’s super talkative, engaged, laughs a lot, no awkward silence stuff

- she shows me her playlists, her photos, and shares some personal details

- she seems very comfortable staying longer without rushing to leave

- there’s also some small physical stuff like sitting close, light touches on shoulder etc

- and she’s been fine with me driving her home late at night

but at the same time there’s basically no initiative outside of that

- she rarely texts first

- doesn’t really push for plans

- sometimes replies late or forgets to respond

- and there’s been no clear “so what are we” type conversation or anything like that

- there are only a few times we've texted for more than 30 minutes(btw she once sent me a 3 minutes voice message and in the end of that message she says "oh it's too long, i hope you will listen to, but that's okay if you don't, i can tell you again another time")

i’ve already kind of shown interest but not in a super direct confession way. but im pretty sure she knows that im into her.

what’s messing with my head is the contrast. in person it feels very natural, long, and almost intimate in a way. but outside of that it feels super low investment

so im trying to figure out if this is

- slow burn romantic interest

- just strong comfort / friendship energy

- or just her personality being low initiative and chill without it meaning much romantically

would appreciate any input, especially from people who are into mbti or just have seen this type of dynamic before

well ive been seeing a 20 years old 5w4 intj sp/sx girl (with adhd if that adds anything) for like 6 months now and im honestly a bit confused about what this is turning into. btw im an xnfp 4w5, so keep this in mind.

we started off pretty casual, mostly texting on instagram. im the one who usually sends the first msg. she usually replies late and short. in february, i didnt text her for 3 weeks and then she texted me "i was not able to write you for a while. i actually wanted to write but im not good at starting conversations, so i was writing and deleting and i decided to be honest". after this message i invited her to a date, then we finally met in person after 3 months (in march)

so far we’ve met 3 times but each time the hangouts got longer. first one was a few hours (just coffee and some walking), then like 7 hours (coffee, food, beer, walking), and the last one went to like 10 hours (coffee, food, walking) and ended around 1am.

in the last meetup there was also a weird but kind of interesting moment. she had an online class in the evening, and at first she was planning to go home around 7pm. i reminded her that and after thinking a while she said it will be okay, she basically joined her class sitting next to me in a cafe, but she didnt focus on it, we continued to talk. i mean we spent almost the whole day together in a very normal and comfortable way.

there’s usually like a one month gap between meetups and we don’t really text that often in between. it’s pretty low effort communication overall

when we actually meet though it feels really good

- like she’s super talkative, engaged, laughs a lot, no awkward silence stuff

- she shows me her playlists, her photos, and shares some personal details

- she seems very comfortable staying longer without rushing to leave

- there’s also some small physical stuff like sitting close, light touches on shoulder etc

- and she’s been fine with me driving her home late at night

but at the same time there’s basically no initiative outside of that

- she rarely texts first

- doesn’t really push for plans

- sometimes replies late or forgets to respond

- and there’s been no clear “so what are we” type conversation or anything like that

- there are only a few times we've texted for more than 30 minutes(btw she once sent me a 3 minutes voice message and in the end of that message she says "oh it's too long, i hope you will listen to, but that's okay if you don't, i can tell you again another time")

i’ve already kind of shown interest but not in a super direct confession way. but im pretty sure she knows that im into her.

what’s messing with my head is the contrast. in person it feels very natural, long, and almost intimate in a way. but outside of that it feels super low investment

so im trying to figure out if this is

- slow burn romantic interest

- just strong comfort / friendship energy

- or just her personality being low initiative and chill without it meaning much romantically

would appreciate any input, especially from people who are into mbti or just have seen this type of dynamic before