u/Conscious_Action998

Hey fam. Using a burner account for this situation, and I’ll try to keep it short and sweet (with a longer explanation at the bottom).

TLDR: I caught my husband sexting / subscribing on OnlyFans and some subs on other sites (relatively short lived and not much money spent, but he sexted and I am beyond unhappy about that). His reason was that we don’t have enough sex (on a bad week we have sex about 2x a week,average usually 3.5 times a week). He has lied about other smaller things in the past (AI sex chatbots, finances, etc.), but with this recent situation I honestly don’t know if I can trust that he will never outright cheat on me / lie in a big way again in the future. Would like some outside opinions here.

Long story:

Taking this story back a year - I caught my husband a year ago using AI sex chatbots after I came back from a trip (maid of honor for my best friend’s international wedding). I was so dumbfounded and angry, but at the same time AI is so novel and kinda of no man’s land at the moment in my opinion, so I set some firm boundaries with him after the fact to make it clear he could not use AI sex chat bots. I’m fine with porn (as much to his hearts content), but AI is honestly weird to me and I don’t like the personalized chats, whether it’s with a real person or not. Too weird and personal imo.

Fast forward to present day - I had sent my husband a good chunk of our tax fund money to help him pay off credit card debt because he is still trying to get his footing with a new career while the pay is a bit low and I know how hard he’s been working in the meantime. As part of sending the money, I asked to review his bank statements because I have been building him a budget each year for the past 3 years. He hasn’t been able to kick the debt, so I asked of I could just review his statements to get a sense of where my budgets were inaccurate.

Lo and behold, he gets antsy around a certain statement month and I come across “OnlyFans” and “Fansly”. This gets an immediate “what the fuck” reaction from me. He fesses up and tells me how he had subscribed for a month to a pregnant woman who “was white and blonde” like me, receiving content from her, and sexting with her essentially (telling her how he “wanted to fuck her”, etc.), among some subscriptions to Fansly (not even sure what that site is and I’m honestly too emotionally drained about the OnlyFans sub he had for a month to bother looking). The account and even email are supposedly deleted now, so I wouldn’t be able to dig into this further even if I wanted to.

I am so fucking angry and hurt that he went and did this - he knew he was doing something wrong and there had been some pretty clear boundaries set via the whole situation from a year ago with the AI chatbots. He even mentioned to me that he avoided going to a party with coworkers from a prior job recently because there was a woman there who he wasn’t sure was flirting with him, and he didn’t “know what would happen if he went” (basically admitted to me he likely could would cheated had he gone and the opportunity presented itself).

Other things that make me not trust my husband whatsoever: he has lied to me multiple times about his finances over the past 3 years by hiding how much debt he had (not a huge figure, but hearing he had $5k in debt that he had no way of clearing scared me the first time); had been hiding from me up (until the OnlyFans blowup) that he got his SSN stolen a month ago; hiding the AI chatbot crap from a year ago; not paying me back for his portion of immigration fees (>$5k).

For context, I am a 27 year old woman with a good job, considered genuinely quite attractive in NYC, and have been very supportive of my husband (he is from a Latin American country — I married him, sponsored his immigration case out of my own pocket when he couldn’t / wouldn’t pay me back after the fact, and have been patient as he tried to get his footing with a new career now that he finally has legal status). I myself am the daughter of a Polish woman who immigrated to NYC in the 90s, had kids with an American man (my dad), and got cheated on many times by my dad before he left once and for all. That being said, there is definitely some childhood trauma I carry as baggage and makes this situation of borderline infidelity / trust issues all the more harder for me to deal with.

So tell me people - am I an idiot and need to cut and run before I get down the hole of having kids with this man and potentially ending up a single mom 10 years from now when he maybeee does cheat on me in the future? Because at the moment, that does feel like a very real possibility and I just don’t see how I can trust my husband anymore. I truly, very much love him and we have been building a life together for over 7 years, with a huge amount of effort on my part to build that life, but there is a part of me that’s very terrified of taking this any further.

Thanks for reading..

Hey fam. Using a burner account for this situation, and I’ll try to keep it short and sweet (with a longer explanation at the bottom).

TLDR: I caught my husband sexting / subscribing on OnlyFans and some subs on other sites (relatively short lived and not much money spent, but he sexted and I am beyond unhappy about that). His reason was that we don’t have enough sex (on a bad week we have sex about 2x a week,average usually 3.5 times a week). He has lied about other smaller things in the past (AI sex chatbots, finances, etc.), but with this recent situation I honestly don’t know if I can trust that he will never outright cheat on me / lie in a big way again in the future. Would like some outside opinions here.

Long story:

Taking this story back a year - I caught my husband a year ago using AI sex chatbots after I came back from a trip (maid of honor for my best friend’s international wedding). I was so dumbfounded and angry, but at the same time AI is so novel and kinda of no man’s land at the moment in my opinion, so I set some firm boundaries with him after the fact to make it clear he could not use AI sex chat bots. I’m fine with porn (as much to his hearts content), but AI is honestly weird to me and I don’t like the personalized chats, whether it’s with a real person or not. Too weird and personal imo.

Fast forward to present day - I had sent my husband a good chunk of our tax fund money to help him pay off credit card debt because he is still trying to get his footing with a new career while the pay is a bit low and I know how hard he’s been working in the meantime. As part of sending the money, I asked to review his bank statements because I have been building him a budget each year for the past 3 years. He hasn’t been able to kick the debt, so I asked of I could just review his statements to get a sense of where my budgets were inaccurate.

Lo and behold, he gets antsy around a certain statement month and I come across “OnlyFans” and “Fansly”. This gets an immediate “what the fuck” reaction from me. He fesses up and tells me how he had subscribed for a month to a pregnant woman who “was white and blonde” like me, receiving content from her, and sexting with her essentially (telling her how he “wanted to fuck her”, etc.), among some subscriptions to Fansly (not even sure what that site is and I’m honestly too emotionally drained about the OnlyFans sub he had for a month to bother looking). The account and even email are supposedly deleted now, so I wouldn’t be able to dig into this further even if I wanted to.

I am so fucking angry and hurt that he went and did this - he knew he was doing something wrong and there had been some pretty clear boundaries set via the whole situation from a year ago with the AI chatbots. He even mentioned to me that he avoided going to a party with coworkers from a prior job recently because there was a woman there who he wasn’t sure was flirting with him, and he didn’t “know what would happen if he went” (basically admitted to me he likely could would cheated had he gone and the opportunity presented itself).

Other things that make me not trust my husband whatsoever: he has lied to me multiple times about his finances over the past 3 years by hiding how much debt he had (not a huge figure, but hearing he had $5k in debt that he had no way of clearing scared me the first time); had been hiding from me up (until the OnlyFans blowup) that he got his SSN stolen a month ago; hiding the AI chatbot crap from a year ago; not paying me back for his portion of immigration fees (>$5k).

For context, I am a 27 year old woman with a good job, considered genuinely quite attractive in NYC, and have been very supportive of my husband (he is from a Latin American country — I married him, sponsored his immigration case out of my own pocket when he couldn’t / wouldn’t pay me back after the fact, and have been patient as he tried to get his footing with a new career now that he finally has legal status). I myself am the daughter of a Polish woman who immigrated to NYC in the 90s, had kids with an American man (my dad), and got cheated on many times by my dad before he left once and for all. That being said, there is definitely some childhood trauma I carry as baggage and makes this situation of borderline infidelity / trust issues all the more harder for me to deal with.

So tell me people - am I an idiot and need to cut and run before I get down the hole of having kids with this man and potentially ending up a single mom 10 years from now when he maybeee does cheat on me in the future? Because at the moment, that does feel like a very real possibility and I just don’t see how I can trust my husband anymore. I truly, very much love him and we have been building a life together for over 7 years, with a huge amount of effort on my part to build that life, but there is a part of me that’s very terrified of taking this any further.

Thanks for reading..

Hey fam. Using a burner account for this situation, and I’ll try to keep it short and sweet (with a longer explanation at the bottom).

TLDR: I caught my husband sexting / subscribing on OnlyFans and some subs on other sites (relatively short lived and not much money spent, but he sexted and I am beyond unhappy about that). His reason was that we don’t have enough sex (on a bad week we have sex about 2x a week,average usually 3.5 times a week). He has lied about other smaller things in the past (AI sex chatbots, finances, etc.), but with this recent situation I honestly don’t know if I can trust that he will never outright cheat on me / lie in a big way again in the future. Would like some outside opinions here.

Long story:

Taking this story back a year - I caught my husband a year ago using AI sex chatbots after I came back from a trip (maid of honor for my best friend’s international wedding). I was so dumbfounded and angry, but at the same time AI is so novel and kinda of no man’s land at the moment in my opinion, so I set some firm boundaries with him after the fact to make it clear he could not use AI sex chat bots. I’m fine with porn (as much to his hearts content), but AI is honestly weird to me and I don’t like the personalized chats, whether it’s with a real person or not. Too weird and personal imo.

Fast forward to present day - I had sent my husband a good chunk of our tax fund money to help him pay off credit card debt because he is still trying to get his footing with a new career while the pay is a bit low and I know how hard he’s been working in the meantime. As part of sending the money, I asked to review his bank statements because I have been building him a budget each year for the past 3 years. He hasn’t been able to kick the debt, so I asked of I could just review his statements to get a sense of where my budgets were inaccurate.

Lo and behold, he gets antsy around a certain statement month and I come across “OnlyFans” and “Fansly”. This gets an immediate “what the fuck” reaction from me. He fesses up and tells me how he had subscribed for a month to a pregnant woman who “was white and blonde” like me, receiving content from her, and sexting with her essentially (telling her how he “wanted to fuck her”, etc.), among some subscriptions to Fansly (not even sure what that site is and I’m honestly too emotionally drained about the OnlyFans sub he had for a month to bother looking). The account and even email are supposedly deleted now, so I wouldn’t be able to dig into this further even if I wanted to.

I am so fucking angry and hurt that he went and did this - he knew he was doing something wrong and there had been some pretty clear boundaries set via the whole situation from a year ago with the AI chatbots. He even mentioned to me that he avoided going to a party with coworkers from a prior job recently because there was a woman there who he wasn’t sure was flirting with him, and he didn’t “know what would happen if he went” (basically admitted to me he likely could would cheated had he gone and the opportunity presented itself).

Other things that make me not trust my husband whatsoever: he has lied to me multiple times about his finances over the past 3 years by hiding how much debt he had (not a huge figure, but hearing he had $5k in debt that he had no way of clearing scared me the first time); had been hiding from me up (until the OnlyFans blowup) that he got his SSN stolen a month ago; hiding the AI chatbot crap from a year ago; not paying me back for his portion of immigration fees (>$5k).

For context, I am a 27 year old woman with a good job, considered genuinely quite attractive in NYC, and have been very supportive of my husband (he is from a Latin American country — I married him, sponsored his immigration case out of my own pocket when he couldn’t / wouldn’t pay me back after the fact, and have been patient as he tried to get his footing with a new career now that he finally has legal status). I myself am the daughter of a Polish woman who immigrated to NYC in the 90s, had kids with an American man (my dad), and got cheated on many times by my dad before he left once and for all. That being said, there is definitely some childhood trauma I carry as baggage and makes this situation of borderline infidelity / trust issues all the more harder for me to deal with.

So tell me people - am I an idiot and need to cut and run before I get down the hole of having kids with this man and potentially ending up a single mom 10 years from now when he maybeee does cheat on me in the future? Because at the moment, that does feel like a very real possibility and I just don’t see how I can trust my husband anymore. I truly, very much love him and we have been building a life together for over 7 years, with a huge amount of effort on my part to build that life, but there is a part of me that’s very terrified of taking this any further.

Thanks for reading..