u/Connect_Knowledge862

I’ve been stuck in a cyclical cycle for about a year since I graduated college. I constantly want to learn new things, but I don’t or I fail at doing the things.Then I just feel like I don’t deserve to improve or get better at anything. Like I want to learn a new skill and I try and muscle my way through the process but then there comes a tiping point where I have to ask myself, “Why am I not getting this like everyone else?!”

This creates a massive tiping effect that cascades across my life. I want to get better sleep, but then I start failing. I want to go to the gym, I stop going. It’s like a house of cards that starts coming down.

Then the cycle wraps around itself. Because I’m failing at one thing. Then I start failing at something else. Then I wonder why I’m failing and I realize it’s my mindset. Then I can’t fix my mindset which makes me fail more which makes me realize I’m even more of a failure because I can’t even fail right and learn from it.

I feel stuck in a loop where I constantly hate myself for backsliding or messing up and then I tell myself that I can’t learn from it which means I failed again at improving or bouncing back. So then I use that as further evidence that I’m a failure.

All of this stops me from ever trying something new or facing my fears. Not because I’m afraid of failing, but because I’m a failure.

It’s the difference between losing a game, or being a loser.

Moments of failure don’t bother me, it is consistent failure that then becomes evidence that I’m not simply failing at something, but that I am just a failure of a person.

This self hatred is so rooted into my very being that challenging it feels impossible. Then when I have that thought, I feel further reinforced becuse I know the right thing to do would be to challenge that thought, but I don’t so I failed again. Around and around we go.

I want to be a better person, but I don’t think I deserve it. I can’t even say I like myself anymore, because all I see is the menagerie of mistakes I’ve made. I can’t complement myself because all I see are my flaws and failures.

What’s the answer to something like this and how do I improve?

I’ve been stuck in a cyclical cycle for about a year since I graduated college. I constantly want to learn new things, but I don’t or I fail at doing the things.Then I just feel like I don’t deserve to improve or get better at anything. Like I want to learn a new skill and I try and muscle my way through the process but then there comes a tiping point where I have to ask myself, “Why am I not getting this like everyone else?!”

This creates a massive tiping effect that cascades across my life. I want to get better sleep, but then I start failing. I want to go to the gym, I stop going. It’s like a house of cards that starts coming down.

Then the cycle wraps around itself. Because I’m failing at one thing. Then I start failing at something else. Then I wonder why I’m failing and I realize it’s my mindset. Then I can’t fix my mindset which makes me fail more which makes me realize I’m even more of a failure because I can’t even fail right and learn from it.

I feel stuck in a loop where I constantly hate myself for backsliding or messing up and then I tell myself that I can’t learn from it which means I failed again at improving or bouncing back. So then I use that as further evidence that I’m a failure.

All of this stops me from ever trying something new or facing my fears. Not because I’m afraid of failing, but because I’m a failure.

It’s the difference between losing a game, or being a loser.

Moments of failure don’t bother me, it is consistent failure that then becomes evidence that I’m not simply failing at something, but that I am just a failure of a person.

This self hatred is so rooted into my very being that challenging it feels impossible. Then when I have that thought, I feel further reinforced becuse I know the right thing to do would be to challenge that thought, but I don’t so I failed again. Around and around we go.

I want to be a better person, but I don’t think I deserve it. I can’t even say I like myself anymore, because all I see is the menagerie of mistakes I’ve made. I can’t complement myself because all I see are my flaws and failures.

What’s the answer to something like this and how do I improve?

Can’t post my actual questions cause the AI is saying i need to post it in the mega thread