u/CloudyPOPPED

I was going to finally get out of my house this year. I was going to move across country to live with a close friend. I was going to finally have work. I was finally going to be safe.

My state is one of the states that the Hantavirus has already spread to. I was going to leave by late August to early September.

If things progress the way they did with Covid, I’ll be stuck here by then. I can’t do that. I can’t live another year in this house. I can’t do this. I just can’t do it, I’d rather die.

I can’t be trapped here. Please.

I (18F) always have this extreme need to apologize. At times I borderline feel unsafe when I can’t, or when I know someone doesn’t want me to. The need overwhelms me so bad that I can’t help but spiral at times.

I’m always so terrified that I’m doing something wrong, or that I’m inherently evil in some way. I feel as though I’m hurting the people that I love just by existing around them, or that I’ve done something horrible to them.

This deep seated guilt completely runs my life, from my thoughts, to the way I speak. I apologize constantly during normal speech without even noticing, and feel terrified when I feel as though I’m not allowed. When it is at its worst, I feel the dire need to deeply apologize at length to those closest to me for no apparent reason.

I’ve panicked so many times over this, and I can hardly stand it at this point. I’ve been told that this could he a form of OCD — what do you think?

I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and hair/skin pulling/picking disorder — if that changes anything.

I (18F) always have this extreme need to apologize. At times I borderline feel unsafe when I can’t, or when I know someone doesn’t want me to. The need overwhelms me so bad that I can’t help but spiral at times.

I’m always so terrified that I’m doing something wrong, or that I’m inherently evil in some way. I feel as though I’m hurting the people that I love just by existing around them, or that I’ve done something horrible to them.

This deep seated guilt completely runs my life, from my thoughts, to the way I speak. I apologize constantly during normal speech without even noticing, and feel terrified when I feel as though I’m not allowed. When it is at its worst, I feel the dire need to deeply apologize at length to those closest to me for no apparent reason.

I’ve panicked so many times over this, and I can hardly stand it at this point. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this, and how do I fix it?

I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and hair/skin pulling/picking disorder — if that changes anything.

I always have this extreme need to apologize. At times I borderline feel unsafe when I can’t, or when I know someone doesn’t want me to. The need overwhelms me so bad that I can’t help but spiral.

I’m always so terrified that I’m doing something wrong, or that I’m inherently evil in some way. I’m always so terrified that I’m hurting the people that I love just by existing around them. I feel as if I’ve done something horrible to them.

This deep seated guilt completely rules my life. I know apologizing annoys others, I know it comes off as shallow when I say it so often, I know that. I just can’t stop. I need to apologize. I panic and feel unsafe when I can’t.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I like this? How do I fix myself?