Why do some men keep one woman in limbo but commit to the next?
I want honest male perspectives on this situation because I feel like I’m going in circles in my own head.
I was involved with a guy on and off for a long time. In the beginning, he pursued me hard, talked about the future, said things like he thought I was “the one,” and acted very emotionally invested. But he never fully committed. Whenever things got serious, he’d pull back and say he “wasn’t ready for a relationship.”
Over time the dynamic became messy and emotional. We had strong chemistry and feelings, but also inconsistency, mixed signals, periods of distance, conflict, etc. Eventually he ended things and basically said “we didn’t work” and that he didn’t think we should be together.
The confusing part is that not long after, he got into a committed relationship with another girl and seems very serious about her. He introduced her to family/friends, acts consistent with her, and is doing all the normal boyfriend things he never did with me.
My question for men is:
How can a guy genuinely have strong feelings for someone, say all those things, and still never fully commit — but then commit pretty quickly to someone else?
Does this usually mean:
- he loved/cared about me but saw the dynamic as unhealthy?
- he liked me but not enough?
- he was emotionally unavailable until the “right” person came along?
- or was I just someone he wanted emotionally/physically without truly seeing long-term potential?
I know nobody here knows him personally. I’m just trying to understand how men experience situations like this because I keep flipping between “he cared but couldn’t make it work” and “he never really wanted me in the first place.”