u/Chuusami

have been depressed since I was about 13-14 years old but diagnosed with depression at 14-15 years old. I also randomly developed motion sickness around the time I have stopped eating around those ages. Im 20 now, no job, no higher education and I almost lost a dear friend that was close to me because she said shes got tired of me whining about my life to her with nothing positive to say and not even trying to fix my life. I think I stopped trying to fix it once high school ended because the medication for my motion sickness stopped working. I feel like a failure and pathetic for being 20 with nothing to show for it. My friend told me to fix my life but I don’t even know how to do that. She told me before to just “lock in” but how do I do that? I feel to sad to do much of anything but stay in my room wanting to die. I stopped venting to my friends in fear of losing any of my other friends too. All of my friends are doing things with their lives and I’m not jealous of them. I’m genuinely so proud of them but also wish I could do the same. I started sh myself as a way of saying “I deserve this for being useless” I haven’t gone anywhere since Christmas Eve 2025 and even that wasn’t a far drive because a walmart is like a 30 second drive. I feel like I can’t accomplish anything in life so I should just die so no more money or time is wasted on me. I don’t want to burden or annoy anyone with my problems so I also don’t have a therapist to talk to. I’m too scared to leave the house and ask for help for fear of it failing again. I was hospitalized last time and kept for about 10 days. I’m constantly feeling nauseous or having something wrong with me that I’ve just learned to deal with it on my own. I have no hobbies or much of any interest anymore(no wonder my friend got tired of me) Ive tried so many things but I’m just not good at any of them. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore but don’t want to leave my mom behind. I just wish I was normal again, before 2020. I feel like this won’t end unless I end my life.

I have been depressed since I was about 13-14 years old but diagnosed with depression at 14-15 years old. I also randomly developed motion sickness around the time I have stopped eating around those ages. Im 20 now, no job, no higher education and I almost lost a dear friend that was close to me because she said shes got tired of me whining about my life to her with nothing positive to say and not even trying to fix my life. I think I stopped trying to fix it once high school ended because the medication for my motion sickness stopped working. I feel like a failure and pathetic for being 20 with nothing to show for it. My friend told me to fix my life but I don’t even know how to do that. She told me before to just “lock in” but how do I do that? I feel to sad to do much of anything but stay in my room wanting to die. I stopped venting to my friends in fear of losing any of my other friends too. All of my friends are doing things with their lives and I’m not jealous of them. I’m genuinely so proud of them but also wish I could do the same. I started sh myself as a way of saying “I deserve this for being useless” I haven’t gone anywhere since Christmas Eve 2025 and even that wasn’t a far drive because a walmart is like a 30 second drive. I feel like I can’t accomplish anything in life so I should just die so no more money or time is wasted on me. I don’t want to burden or annoy anyone with my problems so I also don’t have a therapist to talk to. I’m too scared to leave the house and ask for help for fear of it failing again. I was hospitalized last time and kept for about 10 days. I’m constantly feeling nauseous or having something wrong with me that I’ve just learned to deal with it on my own. I have no hobbies or much of any interest anymore(no wonder my friend got tired of me) Ive tried so many things but I’m just not good at any of them. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore but don’t want to leave my mom behind. I just wish I was normal again, before 2020. I feel like this won’t end unless I end my life.