u/Chemical-Detail63

Im a bengali (M28) married to a pakistani (F21). We live in Canada. My parents live in Bangladesh, and are happy with the marriage.
My wife and parents are good, they get along well despite the language barrier. My in laws though, are religious but not too cultural as in the terms of a desi family in laws. From the beginning, I knew they won’t be typical, because I got the vibe from the beginning and I didn’t have any problems with that. I also dont treat them like a typical son in law. The relationship with my father in law is very good, he’s very respectful and friendly, extremely soft spoken. We go on hikes and play badminton together, everything you can ask for EXCEPT he does not make any effort to have communication with MY parents (in Bangladesh) and most times don’t respond when my parents call. Like if they call 10 times, he might call them 3 times. Same for my mother in law, she maybe talked twice to my mother in 3 years. my mother in law: she’s also religious and always encouraging my wife to become a better wife as she’s new to this.
She’s also really protective and has supported me when the aunties had something to say behind my back. Not much complaints but I feel these are the issues with her:
- she doesn’t make effort to make food for me when I visit
- She mostly eats chicken and makes the same kind of dishes usually
- My father in law and my sister in laws like to eat fish but she doesn’t cook it, so I make it for them
Once when I was cooking she made a joke that “the bahu (DIL) is getting tired”
- When I do make fish, I have to clean the sink, the space and the knives I used to cut the fish because she can’t stand the smell of it
- Every-time I visit, me and my wife make our own breakfast and since it’s weekend morning, she wakes up and starts playing candy crush even though my father in law tries to help us. It’s so bad that if I stay there for 50 days, I will make breakfast for myself and for everyone for 40 days.
- She tells me that making rice from the ricecooker is not good but she makes mushy and wet rice
- I try to make food for everyone in the house once in a while, I have made so many traditional bangladeshi dishes including dishes like Kacchi, khichdi, Tehari, Roast and Palau etc. But nowadays i’m feeling like they are taking it for granted and my mother in law doesn’t even cook.
The sad part is that she knows how to cook, she used to have a catering business and would cook for clients
So far these are the problems, and i have spoken with my wife about these issues. Whenever I bring up these issues she says I am disrespecting her parents and I try to tell her im not and things go on and on and im writing this post after 2 years of facing these issues. It’s still going on! Recently we had an argument and I just used some swear words and yelled a little because I was so frustrated and I was driving for 7 hours. Is it my fault? Am I overreacting?

AITA for getting frustrated with my in-laws over family effort and hospitality?

Im a bengali (M28) married to a pakistani (F21). We live in Canada. My parents live in Bangladesh and are happy with the marriage. My wife and parents get along well despite the language barrier.

My in laws are religious but not very “traditional desi in-laws.” I knew that from the beginning and didn’t mind. I also don’t act like a stereotypical son in law around them.

My relationship with my father in law is actually very good. He’s respectful, friendly and soft spoken. We hike and play badminton together. But one thing bothers me: neither of my in laws really make effort to communicate with my parents in Bangladesh. If my parents call 10 times, my father in law might return 3 calls. My mother in law has maybe spoken to my mother twice in 3 years.

My mother in law has also defended me before when aunties talked badly about me, so it’s not like she’s a bad person. But these things have been bothering me for the past 2 years:

- she doesn’t really make food for me when I visit
- she mostly cooks the same chicken dishes
- my FIL and SILs like fish, but she won’t cook it so I make it for everyone
- once while I was cooking she joked that “the bahu (DIL) is getting tired”
- when I cook fish, I have to completely clean the sink, knives and counters immediately because she hates the smell
- whenever we visit, me and my wife usually make breakfast while she wakes up and plays Candy Crush, even though my FIL helps more
- she criticizes rice cooker rice but makes mushy rice herself
- I often cook traditional Bangladeshi dishes for everyone (Kacchi, Tehari, Khichdi, Roast, Palau, etc.) and lately I feel like it’s being taken for granted while she barely cooks
- the ironic part is she actually used to run a catering business and knows how to cook well

I’ve talked to my wife about this multiple times, but she says I’m disrespecting her parents. I try to explain I’m frustrated with the lack of effort, not attacking them personally, but it always turns into an argument.

Recently after a 7 hour drive, we argued again and I lost my temper, yelled a bit and used swear words.

AITA for being frustrated here, or am I expecting too much because of cultural expectations?

Im a bengali man married to a pakistani. We live in Canada. My parents live in Bangladesh, and are happy with the marriage.
My wife and parents are good, they get along well despite the language barrier. My in laws though, are religious but not too cultural as in the terms of a desi family in laws. From the beginning, I knew they won’t be typical, because I got the vibe from the beginning and I didn’t have any problems with that. I also dont treat them like a typical son in law. The relationship with my father in law is very good, he’s very respectful and friendly, extremely soft spoken. We go on hikes and play badminton together, everything you can ask for EXCEPT he does not make any effort to have communication with MY parents (in Bangladesh) and most times don’t respond when my parents call. Like if they call 10 times, he might call them 3 times. Same for my mother in law, she maybe talked twice to my mother in 3 years. my mother in law: she’s also religious and always encouraging my wife to become a better wife as she’s new to this.
She’s also really protective and has supported me when the aunties had something to say behind my back. Not much complaints but I feel these are the issues with her:
she doesn’t make effort to make food for me when I visit
She mostly eats chicken and makes the same kind of dishes usually
My father in law and my sister in laws like to eat fish but she doesn’t cook it, so I make it for them
Once when I was cooking she made a joke that “the bahu (DIL) is getting tired”
When I do make fish, I have to clean the sink, the space and the knives I used to cut the fish because she can’t stand the smell of it
Everytime I visit, me and my wife make our own breakfast and since it’s weekend morning, she wakes up and starts playing candy crush even though my father in law tries to help us. It’s so bad that if I stay there for 50 days, I will make breakfast for myself and for everyone for 40 days.
She tells me that making rice from the ricecooker is not good but she makes mushy and wet rice
I try to make food for everyone in the house once in a while, I have made so many traditional bangladeshi dishes including dishes like Kacchi, khichdi, Tehari, Roast and Palau etc. But nowadays i’m feeling like they are taking it for granted and my mother in law doesn’t even cook.
The sad part is that she knows how to cook, she used to have a catering business and would cook for clients
So far these are the problems, and i have spoken with my wife about these issues. Whenever I bring up these issues she says I am disrespecting her parents and I try to tell her im not and things go on and on and im writing this post after 2 years of facing these issues. It’s still going on! Recently we had an argument and I just used some swear words and yelled a little because I was so frustrated and I was driving for 7 hours. Is it my fault? Am I overreacting?

My wife is following this post, so if there’s any advise for me or my wife, let us know please!