u/Cheap_Strawberry_901

Removing my bed is something I've wanted to do for quite some time for focus and space saving reasons. I currently share a room with 2 other people and mattresses takes up most of the space, all the energy in the room is focused on comfort and I want to be in a space where the focus is on productivity. Also the whole room overheats too fast with the amount of fabric 3 mattresses brings and this summer is gonna be brutal.

Last night I finally did it, gave my mattress to somebody else in the house and folded up my bed frame. I'm loving the amount of space I've created so far but it wasn't the most comfortable sleep, I can definitely feel it the next day. Haven't purchased my Japanese floor futon yet because I can't figure out what the best of the affordable ones on amazon are so I slept on a sleeping bag with a comforter on top. Just wondering because it seems like a lot of people on this subreddit made the change to floor sleeping for back or chronic pain reasons, neither of which I have but I'm worried doing this for an amount of months could cause it.

My pain is probably more caused by my makeshift bed though so I'm also writing this to ask if anyone has experience with the floor beds in the $40 - $60 dollar range on amazon and which are the best for the price? I'm 5'9, weigh roughly 140 pounds and am a side sleeper. Looking for something where I won't feel the floor as much and that will fold and store easily.

Appreciate any comments or advice! Thanks.

I've made a few shirts using inkjet and laser jet ink using the TransOurDream transfer paper and using my EasyPress and I'm experiencing mild skin irritation when I wear the shirts with larger designs. Is this normal or is it just me?

I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm a month in and I don't feel like a god or anything. I didn't expect myself to, honestly those BY DAY 100 YOU WILL ASCEND type videos are part of what kept me in the addiction cycle because of how much goofiness and pseudo-douch-science it added to the whole idea of it. I've had days where I've had more clarity, I've had days where I've had more energy but mostly I'm the same dipshit I was before. Porn is still a thing I am absolutely happy to be without since it was a dopamine slug feeding addiction that's definitely a direct pipeline to CIA ordained misery into your skull, like so many other dopamine slug feeding addictions(some I still have). But I still have urges so I guess I'm writing to myself but publicly, to get some sense of finality. I want to feel done with it because I am done with it.

I watched porn for the first time when I was 15. When I was 16 or 17 I started really using it. Since then it has been an everyday, every other day thing that has contributed to much crippling anxiety and depression. Definitely wasn't the root cause of my anxiety and depression but if you are a porn addict with deep shame about that, on top of a lot of other bad things like low self esteem/horrible productivity, loneliness, porn exacerbates all those things, making them worse and also giving you this big negative coat hanger in your life to hang all the blame onto. Every time I went out in public and was anxious and thinking myself into a mind numbing panic I remembered when and what I jacked it to in the last 3 days and I told myself, "Yeah thats probably why! You took away all your magic testosterone juice that made you a man and a person! You gotta stop!" And of course I never did. I most definitely have ADHD, depression. That means that it's very hard for me to tell myself to do things. I set myself rules and routines that I fail usually within the first day. I have to do exactly what I want when I want to do it. I'm absolutely undisciplined which is exhausting because I have a lot of big dreams and goals in my life that unfortunately require a lot of discipline and quiet work by myself. That is a mountain that even now feels unclimbable. But we'll see what happens, always.

That's what made quitting porn so hard, because yes I would remind myself its an addiction and a thing that brings absolutely nothing good to my life, but then in the moment all my brain would think was "Yeah but at least its not heroin. It's porn! It's jacking off a little, it takes the edge off, its visual stimuli. Why do I worry so much about it? Maybe attaching emotion to is it what makes me so depressed, I should just do it and act like it's nothing!" Of course, afterwards I'd beat myself in the head senseless going why why you did it again why'd you do it. So yeah, I've had many SELF DISCIPLINE experiments, I've been weeks, 2 weeks, a month. That's the most I've ever lasted before I let the bargaining talk. I'd always meet it halfway, usually I'd just class up whatever it is I'm jacking it to. "It's not porn it's vintage art!" Or I'd find a non pornographic image of a woman and jack it to that. And then within days I'd be jacking it to actual porn again. Took me a while to realize porn is whatever you use as visual stimuli.

It is a tsunami of dopamine, + the ease of access to an infinite amount of novelty and fantasy via the internet, + my own brain that made me take so long to actually stop. And what actually got me to stop was literally as simple as going to a therapist.

I hadn't been since a school psychologist when I was 15. I went and I said something briefly about porn addiction, and the therapist kept pressing me about it. I described what the last 5 years of my life have been like. He told me flatly that I have an addiction. It made me immensely upset. It was not a happy therapy relief feeling it was fear, like if someone told you you have a disease. I asked him if I would ever be done with it, would it be like alcoholism where I'll always be an alcoholic and it's this urge I have to fight every day. He didn't give me a clear answer. I went home and I was telling myself to not see the therapist anymore, probably because I had this idea that therapy was always supposed to give you this feeling of happiness and relief and self worth. And then I said "I'm going to quit porn to prove I'm not addicted to porn."

So yeah it was as simple as going to a therapist. I would recommend it if you have health insurance and have failed every internet challenge/online DISCIPLINE app because eventually it all feels like an invisible barrier that you can just step over. I still haven't been back to that therapist. I really should but I've been kinda worried that some new misery he makes me feel will make me go back to that specific dopamine crutch. Maybe I just don't trust/like dude therapists.

I still don't know if its all dopamine hunger or if its all loneliness or if its all depression about the amount of nothing I do. Whatever root cause, hunger, emptiness in my head. It is still there and I'm guessing it will stay there. I wish that I could replace it with one of the many art creating activities I imagine myself doing when I'm working my bad job or doing nothing. When I start doing those activities my brain gets stressed and sad with how bad at it I am and it immediately wants to do something that is useless like use the internet, and once I'm on the internet I DO want to watch porn. I haven't yet, but all thats still there. There's comfort in knowing it isn't a magic cure, that I'm a chronic life waster for more reasons than just that and I need to topple something else now. Feels really good to be alive and to be a person, even when you hate yourself and it doesn't. That's part of it.

It's just a thing I do, I feel totally inept and lost like there's so much I want to be but I'm just my own worse enemy in every way. SO like a lot of people I have a self help obsession, I keep coming up with new rules like "Ok today you aren't allowed to have any dopamine until 5pm." Or "You can only use your phone for music and nothing else." "Wake up at 6AM everyday and read." Most of these rules I set for myself I fail on the day I started, and if I don't I'll certainly fail the next day. I just can't stand the misery that comes with the cold quiet of a life without stimulation. I've quit porn completely but that took going to a therapist and having them tell me I have a problem, the fear from that has propelled me to really stop with that particular HARDCORE brand of dopamine flushing and I'm going on a month for the first time in years. But I still have other vices like caffeine or phone/internet use which is still a constant. I want to be a completely different functional type of person.