u/Careless-Loss7369

Hi! I’ve been experiencing breast pain and soreness for the past two years id say! I’ve had my period for about five years now and it’s relatively a “new” thing for me.

The two weeks before my period are worse than my period itself by a LOT, im always irritated and have mood swings I can’t control, my entire body aches sometimes but especially when I wake up, i have weird pelvic pains or aches, digestive issues, I get headaches and nausea, I’ve experienced suicidal thoughts/ideation a lot in this period but I didn’t think much of it as I guess I’ve always been depressed and I’d never heard of PMDD and I suspect I could have it but I’m undiagnosed.

Anyways i usually wait all the other symptom out but my BOOBS are killing me. They’re not even that big but I swear I grow a cup size I feel like Cassie from euphoria in the worst way possible.

Two weeks of them aching and being sore and just painful, I touch them? They hurt. I move? They hurt. I breathe? They hurt. Sometimes it’s so bad I can’t really lay on my stomach for long. They literally feel like I have two hard rocks on my chest.

Some days I don’t even feel like I can get out of bed from the ache of it all, i usually just push through and I try not to take pain relievers so often as I’m scared of future long term effects since I’d have to take them every month for about three weeks straight..

But I’d like to know if this is normal, should I get checked out? Is there any way to get rid of this and or manage it? I’d appreciate any help! Thank you!

Okay. I’m curious and I’ve always wondered this. I mean I imagine they can’t.. is that discriminatory?

Like I’m talking about 60+ year olds cause some people are 50 and look 30 but I’m biased because im still in my teens so everyone above 30 to me is old 😭

Cause some people have like back issues or idk men can’t get it up, what about menopause? Does the kitty get dry as you age? And also wouldn’t you back give out like I don’t think you can do crazy positions and shit.

I think old women are sexy as fuck when they age but then I think about grandmas like with the short hair and it’s like idk am I wrong for thinking this 😭

And men.. okay I love me a good dilf but yk the old gramps with their beer bellies and saggy balls I’m sorry I just can’t.

I hope this doesn’t come off as offensive to any old people I’m sure when I’m older I’ll look back at tho and laugh! I’ll appreciate any answers or stories

P.S. please don’t DM me, I’d prefer you comment.

Why is it that whenever I feel arousal I feel it in my belly and not my clit?…

Like I literally feel my belly or my abdomen clench or flush and maybe something in my pelvis but my vagina feels normal. No matter how aroused I am.

I think I’m just desensitized to porn, I watch it every night but I don’t masturbate. So whenever I try to or I feel that heat in my stomach as soon as my hand goes down my vulva I feel nothing. Just vulva.

Should I be concerned?? Should I take a break from porn? Has anyone ever got this?

This is more of a vent but I don’t mind any insights! I don’t have anyone to tell this too, and this was the only thing I could think of without being judged.

I have this gut feeling or vision of my future I hate. I see two different paths for me, I graduate go to college but living a lie of who I am and who I love. Hiding behind my family’s catholic religion, pleasing them. Never ever being able to present a future partner, never getting a blessing, no one at my wedding if it’s with a girl. If it’s with a guy I’m expected to be a wife and have kids. If not I’ll also be bastardized.

Or, as soon as I turn 18. And get a stable job somewhere to stay and college, I’ll cut everyone off. I won’t tell anyone where I’m going or what I’ll do I’ll run away from it all. Maybe I’ll even be in spaces I can freely express myself and maybe even make the news and my family and those from the church would read in horror of the “degenerate pervert sinful” woman I grew up to be. I’d love for this to be the case.

But I’m grieving a future I don’t know yet. I wish I would be loved and accepted. I wish I could just come out and love who I love no questions asked. But that’s not ever going to be reality for me. The catholic church will never change. I’ll always be sinful and demonic in their eyes. And I don’t care what some old men think of me! I don’t! But my mom…

She’s given her life for me, gave up all her dreams for me to achieve mine. She struggled so much to raise me and give me a life that although with my struggles I am so grateful for. To just leave her without warning or explanation, let her live with the states and the questioning and the hate from my family over something I chose to do. I couldn’t live like that.

I know I shouldn’t care what others think of me, but it hurts me in my soul because these people are my blood. My family is like a cult, everyone must follow these rules and you must never ever leave the church. You mustn ever be against whatever the oldest say. So I know they wouldn’t let her breathe if I did what I’m dying to do.

I’ve never been able to live or express my sexuality. Only online watching porn, or reposting TikTok’s I relate to. I know it’s not a healthy outlet but it’s comforting to imagine myself in another world where I could express all of my desires without being judged and hated. I daydream maladaptivly every day. For hours.

I can’t date someone of my same sex. I’d have to hide them as a “friend” and no one deserves to be secret. But I deserve love too, don’t i? I’d never be able to post them, dress up together in couples costumes. Late night dates. Much less long term stuff like weddings or maybe even kids.

The religious guilt eats me alive each and every single moment of my day. I know who I am, no church or god will change that. But it dosent take away the pain.

I’m just scared of living a life unhappy and never being who i truly want to be. Or do the things I want to do. Never experience, only dream about, forever. I’m scared of being alone. So I cling to my mother although she doesn’t know the real me. And she’ll never. I love her and she loves me but she doesn’t even believe bisexuality is a real thing. She’s the most “woke” person in the family like she’ll accept other people who are gay just not me. That doesn’t mean I love her any less. Yes I mourn the love i could receive and I fear that same love leaving her eyes if I told her the truth.

So I bottle everything. I keep to myself, I’m slowly killing myself. I know I am. I can only go so long. I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety but the fear of living all my life either alone and with no support system but myself and this scary world, or with “love” but staying in this closet forever.

I could maybe move away in the future to a new country, but I’d be even more alone and afraid and what country isn’t homophobic? Plus I don’t have the financial support and in the future the economy is only going to get worse. I don’t see a future for me anyways I don’t see why I worry of all this.

I hate that anything I do affects my mom. I wish my decisions and my life were only mine. Anything I say can be used against her. I know I’ll be the laughing stock the black sheep and I’ll always be talked bad about till I or they die.

There’s a third option I’ve begun to consider. Live the few of my teenage years left sneaking out, doing crazy shit, who knows, maybe find love have sex just love all the dreams I can achieve. And then, at 18 I’ll just. End it. Why struggle more? At least I won’t be here to live with the guilt of the reaction of my family. Neither will I struggle anymore. I don’t care if I go to hell I don’t believe in it but I’d rather burn with Satan than be with the God that cursed me with this reality.

This is so long so i sincerely apologize, I just needed to get this out. I can’t speak about this to anyone else. Thank you to anyone who read this. At the very least I hope it helps someone feel less alone.