With the exception of a few people, I genuinely hate almost all the people in the meetings. From the obese welfare queen to the weird Christian’s, I am so sick of these fucking fake ass people. I don’t care about them and I don’t want to get to know them. When they try to hug me I push them and tell them not to touch me. I hate people
I am staying in a sober living. I am staying in the cheapest room. I am very behind on rent. I decided to appeal to this SL because I was living with my narcissistic abusive mother that had me living there in a hostage situation due to a restraining order she refused to remove. She wanted me to live there, work part time, and apply for SSI benefits so she could have them. I left, and the sober living took me in . Tomorrow I have 60 days clean off meth, and I have been attending a meeting or more every day for the last 56 days( I am trying to do 90 in 90) I am working the steps, attending meetings, and seeing a psychiatrist ( covered by health insurance) as well as taking medication ( health insurance ( Thank goodness)
I recently found a job. But I am still in training, and I am not making much hours at all but I hope that will change in time. I don’t have access to food, and I have walks miles every day to get to meetings, work, or to the community center where I volunteer and occasionally eat. I have been losing weight, and I am not complaining but I do miss having consistent access to food.
I am filled with so much hate and anger. The talk of love, compassion and God makes me so angry . My mom is a devout Catholic and was very abusive. She put me through hell since I was a child. My life has been a nightmare since I was born. Born deprived of oxygen, beaten by my mother, she would yell and scream at me, call me names, tell me to end my life, tell me I’d never be anything and that I was ugly, retarded, or other things. She’d lock me out of the house, sit on me, and spray me with holy water. My parents divorced when I was 6, and my dad died when I was 11. Then she married my stepdad a week after my dad died and he’d beat me and my brothers.
When I was living with her, she’d threaten to harass me at my job and say horrible things about me to my boss and coworkers. She kicked me out of the house in the middle of winter when it was almost 30 degrees below freezing, and I slept in the street freezing with my limbs going numb. She’d force me to go to Mass, and she forced me on a cross country greyhound bus trip to a religious retreat where they tried to convince to become a priest . She had me living with her with a restraining order hanging above my head, and she was attempting to coerce me into getting SSI benefits so she could have them.
Catholicism is a horrible religion and I will never trust anyone dumb enough to believe in god
I am filled with so much hate and anger. The talk of love, compassion and God makes me so angry . My mom is a devout Catholic and was very abusive. She put me through hell since I was a child. My life has been a nightmare since I was born. Born deprived of oxygen, beaten by my mother, she would yell and scream at me, call me names, tell me to end my life, tell me I’d never be anything and that I was ugly, retarded, or other things. She’d lock me out of the house, sit on me, and spray me with holy water. My parents divorced when I was 6, and my dad died when I was 11. Then she married my stepdad a week after my dad died and he’d beat me and my brothers.
When I was living with her, she’d threaten to harass me at my job and say horrible things about me to my boss and coworkers. She kicked me out of the house in the middle of winter when it was almost 30 degrees below freezing, and I slept in the street freezing with my limbs going numb. She’d force me to go to Mass, and she forced me on a cross country greyhound bus trip to a religious retreat where they tried to convince to become a priest . She had me living with her with a restraining order hanging above my head, and she was attempting to coerce me into getting SSI benefits so she could have them.
I since moved into a sober living and just found a job and it’s starting off slow. I am broke, starving ( don’t have access to food regularly, and am struggling to get by. Life is harsh, cold, ugly and unforgiving. Add all this on to being a life long aspie with childhood and adult trauma, and you have a recipe for my very own life. Pure misery and rage.
I take medication and meet with a psychiatrist, and it’s not helping. What’s the use of staying clean? To work a shitty job and shit out a few kids and die of cancer???
I am sick of the meetings. I am sick of the people. I am not willing to believe in god or a higher power or to change my ways and be more compassionate or loving. I hate people and I am more ok with dying of an overdose than making those changes.